The party is in full swing.
Balloons. Music. Tents. Bunch of kids from the twins school with their parents in tow.
From my position, the twins look to be having fun. And what is that dance? I push Brianna’s wheelchair to the window so she can have an idea what the noise is all about and a gentle breeze welcomes us.
We would have stayed back at home but the twins wanted her here. There was no way I would miss their party. The party that marks their big girl-ness and entry into a new world. They don’t want to keep wearing matching dresses anymore. It’s a bit scary but I guess it’s time for them to choose their styles.
A part of me hopes they don’t stick by it but judging from the heap of new clothes El bought for them, I don’t see that happening. The twins are her first models for her clothing line. The launch is next week.
Tucking the blank canvas under my armpit, I drag my seat closer to Brianna’s so we are facing each other. I discard my shirt, leaving me in only a singlet. My nipples instantly respond to the weather, straining against the white material. The weather has become quite unpredictable but the cold is now a constant.
A gust of cold air rushes into the room, I pull the quilt over Brianna’s legs and set the canvas on the slab.
“What do you want us to draw?” I ask without expecting a reply.
The first and only portrait she gave me is by our feet, I dip the brush into the pallet and try to recreate it.
“You will be fifteen next year,” I tell her. She is listening, I know it. “We will throw you a big party. Bigger than your sisters.” A smile tugs at my lips. If the twins were here, they would have protested. I bop her nose with the brush, coating it with red paint. I do the same on mine. All that’s left is a wig so I am the perfect clown for my daughter. “But you need to recover first. What’s your favourite colour? Your mummy loved red and green.” She blinks. “You want me to talk about your mummy?” She blinks again.
I rotate my neck to ease the kinks lodged in them, stretching my legs forward so our feet touch. I don’t have a picture of Nicole but I let my memory serve. “Your mummy. Her name was Nicole. She was very pretty.” I flash her a grin and let her hair loose. She has soft hair like her mother. “You have her eyes.”
A faint knock sounds on the door. I glance at my water painting. I am no less horrible than the twins.
“Do you like it?”
“Hello,” she replies.
“Hello,” I say with a nod. Some day, she will say more but it is not today. “I like it too.”
I leave the painting by the window to dry, stopping at my desk to pick up a towel to wipe the mess on my hand. The music has changed. Something close to a cartoon themed song is playing. A Barbie song.
For some reasons, I don’t feel bad for spending most of the time up here with Brianna instead. Not after seeing El with T. I shoot Brianna a glance and the anger vanishes. She is still in the position I left her. Her head is no longer at that weird angle since she can move her neck without help. I plant a kiss on her hair.
The knock sounds again, I rush to open the door. I notice her brown eyes first, then the blunt bangs she swipes from her face. Her ring finger is missing a ring, she holds a flask up to my face and I snap out of it.
“Brianna’s lunch,” she says, “your wife sent me.”
The last meal we had was breakfast at my house. I cooked. In our excitement, no one remembered to eat again or carry food along. I step back for her to enter, she heads straight to Brianna and sets the flask on the slab I used to paint. I blink to clear my daze. Without her glasses, I thought she was Nicole.
Has Mia always been this pretty? Her gown. It’s different from those loose fitting gowns I have come to associate with her. She has actual curves and her milky skin is glowing. She even changed her hairstyle.
What in the fuck are these thoughts? Who cares if she’s pretty? She got the job because the twins loved her and she was the youngest. But she looks younger today. A decade younger than the age she told me.
An aroma wafts into the air when she opens the flask, I cross over to stand beside her. “Don’t worry, I will do it. I will feed her.” She nods. I return to my rightful seat. Mia retrieves the bottle of water on my desk and sits by the window. I blow air onto the spoonful of sauce. “I didn’t think you were still coming.”
Brianna swallows slowly, I hold the spoon against her mouth until the whole sauce is gone. I forgot to tell her about the birthday party and I didn’t remember to invite her. We already left the house when she texted. I gave her a choice to meet us here or take the day off. She never replied.
She shrugs. “I got your message late.” I continue feeding Brianna. She picks the canvas. “Did you paint this?” A snicker sputters out of my lips. I don’t want to be associated with that thing. I nod. “It’s pretty.”
It’s not.
We share a glance too long to pass as simple, I scoop another spoonful of sauce into Brianna’s mouth. The silence is uncomfortable, kind of unbearable. I clear my throat and she says, “You are a great dad.”
“Thanks. I do my best.”
Mia folds her hands under her breasts, pushing them up to reveal succulent flesh. Sweat breaks out on my forehead, I wipe it with my forearm. I can’t believe I am fucking nervous. I have seen boobs before.
The sauce finishes, there’s nothing to distract myself and I curse internally when Brianna’s eyes begin to droop. She’s like a baby. Eat. Sleep. Pee and poop. Then attend her physiotherapy sessions. The doctors all say she’s improving but I am not sure how. Pushing her wheelchair to the sofa, I carry her out of it and place her gently on the couch. I kiss her forehead and pull the quilt to her chin. Brianna doesn’t flinch.
Mia is no longer sitting. I cover the distance to my seat but she stops me from sitting. She taps her nose. “You have something there.” The back of my hand swipes across my nose and she shakes her head. Mia bridges the gap, I hold my breath as her fingers brush my nose. She pulls back to show me the dried paint on her fingertip. “I think it’s paint.”
“It is,” I say, creating more space between us. I lower myself to my seat. “Thank you.”
She looks outside. “The twins seem to be having fun.” I follow her gaze. Bren keeps adjusting her tiara and Wyn fiddles with her sash. They notice us. Wyn flashes me a tooth-gapped grin and Bren waves.
They whisper something to each other and in unison, they chorus, “Daddy. Come down.”
“In a bit,” I reply. They wave again and run off.
“I will watch her. You should go join them,” Mia offers.
“Yeah.” But I don’t stand. If I go, I will see a lot of people. Joshua, I want to see. Sophia, maybe. She had another date with Vincent. God forbid she falls for him. El’s mum and my parents are here. I should have rescinded their invitation but the girls wanted all their grandparents in attendance. I grip the armrest and cast a rueful glance at the clear, blue sky. “When did you decide you wanted to be a caregiver?”
Mia smiles again. She’s like Ava. Smiling all the time but I don’t trust hers. “As a kid,” she answers with a grin. “Daddy was sick. As the first child, I had to take care of him. My siblings did more harm than good.”
“What about your mum?”
She holds my gaze. “I wish I knew.”
A shocking wave of desire explodes inside me when she bites her red lips and bats her lashes. Something is fucking wrong with me. I need to get laid but the woman I want is down there frolicking with another man. I cross my legs to hide the growing evidence I hope she doesn’t notice. Her eyes linger on my rocky nipples bent on disgracing me, I snatch the bottle of water and gulp it like a man stranded in the desert.
“What about you? When did you decide you wanted to be a businessman?” I arch a brow, she quickly says, “Is it okay to ask you that?” It is more than okay to ask me these innocent questions but my mind is conjuring illicit images fuelled by the little, naughty things she’s doing. My lips pull into a thin line. She jumps to her feet and scratches the back of her neck. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know I was... I was... I didn’t...”
“It’s fine,” I cut her off. We share another long glance. I don’t look away, neither does she. Her eyes have flecks of gold in them. They are pretty. Too bad I will not be seeing them after today. I refuse to be led into temptation. “As a kid too, I guess,” I say in answer to her question. “Always wanted to be the boss.”
“Nice.”
I am not the only one who notices the shift in the air. She doesn’t throw another question at me, I make no attempts to break the silence. I stand. “I will be going down now. If there’s any problem, let me know.”
Mia has been with Brianna long enough. She is good with her but it never stops me from adding that last line each time I am about to leave them alone. She twiddles her fingers and nods. “There won’t be any issues.”
“I trust you on that,” I murmur and the door bursts open.