Chapter 62
***Jack***
Presently
I had called in at the clinic to get Lissa but she wasn't there. I was so engrossed in my shift at the clinic that I had forgotten to tell her I would come late for her. I had tried calling her number too but it was on voicemail.
I got her voicemail and I was damned sure she must’ve been pissed at me for keeping her waiting, as she was always time conscious. Although she had sounded calm.
I smiled, how did she manage to be so unruffled when frustrated?
I took off my ward coat and tossed it in the back seat of the car. I was really exhausted from working at night, and all I wanted was to go home to Larissa. Although the odds that she might still be mad at me were higher.
On my way home, I stopped by a florist's to get her a huge bouquet of white tulips; she couldn't get enough of them. Although I had zero idea why she fancied tulips to red roses but they seemed to have a hook on her. I also got a box of Vosges Haut Chocolat, her favourite, to make up for our misunderstanding.
Lissa and I had gotten into an heated argument yesterday night and she didn't want to talk to me this morning. But amongst us, she was the hot headed person, so I didn't wait for an apology from her. It was my fault so I apologised. Although she said it was calm, I felt the need to still make up for it in a way.
We had argued about the kids staying at the boarding school. It just didn't sit right with me why she had to take them so far, knowing the bond we had formed with the children over the years. But to her they needed to be around children like themselves and she wanted to focus on work.
I knew that wasn't the reason behind it but I didn't press further. Ever since we had the triplets, we had learned to manage upbringing and work so well they just couldn't be a burden in one morning.
I missed playing with them and teasing them. I missed hearing them call me father. I had grown very fond of them that if anything ever detached me from them, I might die. They were a part of my life.
Although, somewhere in the corner of my mind it bugged me. No matter how much I tried to block out the thought, It felt as though she was trying to put a distance between the kids and I and that has been one of my greatest fears, asides losing my job.
When I had told her to let the kids come back home, she had told me not to stick my nose in where it didn't matter and they were not my kids. I was hurt and my emotions were broken. But she was right and I had to back out.
I didn't mean to be selfish or entitled but I was as important in the kids life as she was. We had both raised them. We had both played parental roles and watched them grow.
They came into my life when I felt so helpless and again it felt good to be alive. I loved Lissa and the kids way too much. It had been my mother's wish to get married to Lissa, to stay as one family. But deep down, I knew Lissa didn't want that.
I knew Lissa didn't love me the way I loved her and as much as I wanted to protect my feelings from being shattered again, with her, it was tough. I loved her a lot. And I knew it would get me hurt. She was always reluctant and never wholly honest and vulnerable with me. She was always fidgety and never felt comfortable when I touched her.
I loved her but I didn't want to force her into loving me. I wanted it to happen naturally and I was certain I could make her fall in love with me.
I knew what made me love Lissa was that she made me fall in love with her without even trying. She was herself, she didn't fake it and being real was a thing that drew me closer to her.
Occasionally I felt Lissa was adamant because of her past. The past that she never told me or anyone. But it must’ve been tough being a mother of three as a teenager. There were a series of times when I had heard her cry and the bittersweet way she had felt during postpartum. Sometimes I hated the man that did that to her. I wanted to hurt him so badly, but I couldn't judge as I knew nothing about him.
Larissa didn't mention a word about how she got pregnant or if she had ever been in a relationship. There were still so many things to know about her. She was mysterious.
I distracted myself from my thoughts and focused on the road. I swerved to the right, I wasn't far from home.
When I finally got home, I parked my car and stepped out excitedly. I was a bit nervous but I was confident that she wouldn't reject my gifts. The tulips or chocolates as she loved them equally. I grabbed my coat, the box of chocolates and the bouquet of flowers and headed inside.
The house felt quite lonely without the kids and a pang of sadness hit me but I shook it off as quickly as it came so as not to upset Lissa.
“I'm home,” I called out as I stepped into the living room but somehow something felt different.
I didn't perceive any of Lissa’s delicious meal or her Victoria's Secret perfume, nor was she in the sitting room watching the evening news. Everywhere felt empty and lonely. Everything was in place just like it had been this morning before we left home. What was going on?
“Hello, Lissa, I'm home,” I called again but still, I didn't see Lissa traipsing down the stairs in her favourite nightie, with her hair resting upon her shoulders in a dishevelled manner and a lazy smile on her lips.
I swallowed and dropped the gifts on the table as I headed upstairs to our bedroom. She was probably asleep. I smiled softly, she could be sleeping already as I had spent the whole time at the hospital.
I hesitated before opening the door of our bedroom and panic hit me as I found the room empty. The sheets were still neatly spread and untouched. I called out her name and searched everywhere but she wasn't there. I listened to her voice mail again as I began to fear. Lissa would've been home by now, she never slept out except whenever she was on shifts or whenever she travelled. Besides that, since I've known her, regardless of any misunderstanding she would never sleep out and her number wasn't going through too. My chest tightened.
Where was Lissa?