Chapter Twenty-Nine
Today was different from last night. Today when I woke up, I was not feeling so down anymore. My heart felt lighter as if some weight had lifted off of it. Confessing everything to Shirley turned out way better than I had expected it to be. Yesterday, when I confessed to Shirley, I was not sure if I should tell her not. However, now looking back, I see that it was necessary. Almost everything had turned out to be positive. Almost. The only thing that was different from our relationship before the fight was the fact that now Shirley only regarded me as her friend when we used to be sisters before.
Not that I can complain. It was all my doing. In fact, I should be grateful that Shirley was even considering me a friend or talking to me at all. Because if anybody else were in her position they would have straight out dumped me. And would leave me to fend for myself. But Shirley was not 'anybody else'. No, she was the polar opposite of what a normal human should be like.
She was a truly good person. Way better than I would ever be.
Perhaps that was the reason why, when I woke up today Shirley was talking to me again. Unlike yesterday and every day before it, Shirley actually waited for me to get ready for school. She behaved like it was any other day before our fight. Making small talk, handing me over my comb, waiting for me to throw in my books and picking up my backpack. It was as if nothing had changed.
Except things have changed.
If it was on any other normal day, she would have asked me to pick up things one by one.
"Water bottle?"
"Check."
"Assignments and Homework from yesterday?"
"Check."
"Stationary?"
"Check."
"Some cash?"
"Check."
She would ask me all of these things to make sure I had every single thing with me. I would ask her to make my hair and she would do it without any other word. I asked her to make my hair, not because I could not do it myself but because it felt good to have somebody take care of me. Soon after when all things were done we would leave.
Now, she just stood and waited for me to finish doing everything on my own. Although, I knew why she was not asking me things to check. Yes, it was partly because our friendship had gone far away from sisterhood but it was also because she remembered our fight just as vividly as I did.
The day we fought, I complained about her treating me as a child who could not take care of herself. Taunted her that she considers and acts like she was an older sister when she was not. Now, I see the effect of that sentence. She had taken it to her heart. She was giving me what I Supposedly wanted from her. For some reason, however, this made me feel hollow. I was so used to her behaving like she did that, having her giving me space made me feel as if there were some deep gap between us.
"Ready?" She asked, snapping me back to reality. We were now walking into our class.
I felt conscious of walking inside the class. My intuition was telling me that people could sense I was pregnant. The teacher had not arrived yet therefore, we continue to stand outside.
I swallowed hard. "I am nervous," I said, shaking in my voice. Then let out a laugh to ease the tension inside me. "Isn't it weird that I am feeling nervous from going inside when I had already done it before?" I asked Shirley.
Shirley gave me a reassuring smile. "Trust me, being pregnant and nervous, it can do that to you." She said and we both chuckled.
She was right. Maybe, this was all pregnancy hormones messing with my emotions. Suddenly, I was reminded that I had very little time to decide if I wanted to keep this baby or not. I needed to make a decision soon, otherwise, if I ended up choosing second options, wanting to abort this baby and the time had gone too far, I wouldn't be able to do it. It would become too dangerous for me and the baby.
I let out a sigh.
"I still don't know if I want to keep this baby or not. All the things are happening so fast. It's giving me a headache." I whispered, rubbing my head. Somewhere in the back of my mind, an ache was throbbing.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. It squeezed me.
"Don't think about it, right now. First, let's just get through this class. Maybe later in the day, we can discuss about it. Whatever you choose, I will help you through it." Shirley whispered. I let out a shaky breath.
How in the ever living hell, I had doubted this girl's motives about me? She was an angel.
I thought about punching myself but decided against it. It would do no good. I could not go back in the past and change whatever I have done.
I gave Shirley a warm smile. I was foolish for ever choosing a guy over her. I was so damn wrong.
"Are you both gonna block the exit for other students to enter or are you gonna move?" A deep voice said from over our head.
Shirley and I both simultaneously glanced up to see Blake standing over us.
Blake.
Blake, our school's famous bully, rarely took a class but still managed to keep up with everything. He managed to terrorise classes. He was the same guy I had avoided at Mike's first party I attended. The same guy, from whom Mike had saved me that day. He was the same person that I usually went my way out to avoid. Because I was one of his favourite targets.
The same person who was standing over me right now. He appeared out of the blue. I had not even noticed him standing, nor had I heard his footsteps approaching.
Blake raised an eyebrow in question. His face was the same as it ever was, mean, arrogant and of a punk.
Without any of us answering his question, we moved out of his way to let him pass. He walked inside and my mind began whirling with a newfound fear.
I grabbed Shirley's hand and dragged her to the side.
"What is he doing here?" Shirley asked, looking inside the class where he had disappeared to.
"He had not shown his face for almost one month and suddenly he showed up?" She questioned, almost to herself.
Her curiosity could wait because the fear that was taking place inside my head was way too real.
"Do you think he heard us?" I asked Shirley. She was still staring at the place.
"Uh?" She asked.
I grabbed her shoulder and turned to shift her focus back to my question.
"Do you think he heard us?" I asked her again. Thankfully this time she listened.
Her brows ceased to frown but she only shrugged. "I don't think so. He was acting way too normal for him to hear that news." She answered.
My shoulder fell in relief. I let out a deep exhale. She was right, he was a very nosy person. If he would have heard our conversation then till now our class would have been in an uproar. He would have told everybody already. He did not hear.
Thank god.
"Forget about him. Let's go inside. The teacher must almost be here." She commented. I nodded my head and agreed.
With a relieved heart, I followed her inside the classroom. Not wanting to overthink it.