“I love you.” He seriously and sincerely stared at me.
I looked at him, waiting for some joke or something that would tell me not to believe in him because my heart is betraying my mind again. It wanted to believe something even though I wasn't sure about it.
Honestly, it made my heart skip a beat. I could even feel my heartbeat racing and the sudden bolt in my stomach creating a lot of butterflies. Those were the words I’ve been longing to hear from him, but not today, not after what happened because the truth is I no longer know if he’s telling me the truth.
It made me doubt everything even more. Why, now? Why just now? Did he reflect about his feelings or he did something again and he was trying to avoid it by telling to me that he loves me. What to believe now?
“Did you knock your head after fighting with Ethan for me to tell you that?” I faked a laugh. “Don’t lie to yourself, Gray.”
“What do you want me to do to prove my love for you?” He asked as he followed me. He was pleading and I could feel the pain in his voice like he was about to cry and beg me any moment.
What is this act? Did he major in theater because he was really good at acting.
“I don’t know. What should you do?” I asked him back as I continued walking towards the parking lot where I could peacefully talk to him. I no longer know any place that’s more peaceful than inside his car. At least, no one would see me even though I cried inside his car. I am trying not to cry.
“Listen to me.” He held my wrist and stopped me from walking.
“Don’t!” I raised both of my hands. “Let’s talk peacefully but not here...not here. Okay? This is my workplace and I don’t want to create any issues here. So, where did you park your car?”
He understood what I meant so we quietly walked to the parking lot. I brought out the first aid kit inside my bag and tended his wound. There was a complete silence between us and I felt nervous and awkward with his stares while I was putting cream on his face.
“What do you want to talk about?” I said after a while.
“I love you.” He said it again.
“Don’t say I love you because I told you that I love you. Say it because you -” He stopped me by kissing me. I almost teared up upon feeling his breath inside mine. Damn! My heart beat could attest how a single move of this guy could make my whole body shiver.
My body would even betray me in a second if I felt his embrace.
“I am sorry for not saying it because I have to think...I have to clarify my feelings. I don’t just want to say it because I don’t mean it. I want to be sure…” He held my hand and stared at my eyes. “I am now sure about my feelings, so please, believe me. I will do everything for you to believe me.”
“Gray…” I paused. I don’t know what to say. I hate him but I love him and I just couldn’t tell myself that I no longer want him because the truth is I still want our relationship to work. I want us to be together.
“Don’t give up, please. Give me another chance.” He pleaded. “Please?”
“Let’s make a deal,” I decided.
I am not sure about this but it's somehow the right thing to do for me not to regret not fighting for us in the end. So, yeah, we can start. I decided that we can try it again and if it will not work...then, maybe...it wasn't meant to work in the first place. It was never meant to be and he is just a passerby in my life. I need to be sure about us because I stopped fighting. Regret is the least thing I want to have in my life.
I have regretted not choosing some people who entered my life before and I will mostly regret it if I will stop here. It hurts, but, love supposed to hurt sometimes. It's not always butterflies just like in books. Indeed, I am a writer yet I know that I can never write my own story without my other half. If I want a happy ending, I need to make it with the person who choose me. He's here now which made me realize that for now...he really did chose me.
I will give him the benefit of doubt.
“Go on.”
“We will try it again for the second time. But you have to promise me this…” I told him.
“What?”
“Don’t ever lie to me again.” I stated.
I never lied about my feelings. I tell them to every person I've met and I told Gray about it...so, I guess it's also fair that he gave me the same treatment. All I want is honesty and communication.
“I promise.” He hugged me. “I will not waste this second chance and I will never lie to you again.”
I smiled at him. I don’t know if what I am going to do is the right thing yet I also know that I would regret it if I will not give him another chance. I have to trust him and trust him that he will not break my heart again.
Trust. I have to give it if I want something to work.
“Why did you punch Ethan?” I asked him after a while. “You promised you wouldn’t lie to me so why did you do it? Did you do it first or was it Ethan?”
“I did it first because I was jealous.” He shook his head. "I am fucking jealous." He said through gritted teeth.
“You were jealous because of Vivian?” I asked because I don't want to assume.
He shook his head.
“I was jealous because he brought you coffee and he seems to know a lot of things about you that I don’t even know.” He scowled. "You were so comfortable with each other."
“Fair enough. Vivian also knows a lot of things about you that I don’t know.”
“I want to know you more than Ethan knows you. I want to be with you and…” He stopped. “I was really jealous of him and I am afraid…”
“You are afraid that for the second time, it will happen again.” I confirmed.
He didn’t say anything but instead he hugged me and I felt how deeply hurt he is knowing that it was his brother that’s his rival in a lot of things especially when it comes to girls. How hard that would be for him? I couldn't imagine his feelings especially when they knew about it.
“We used to be close…” Gray told me. “We used to like the same things. We agreed on the same things so maybe it was no wonder why we both like the same girls,” he looked at me. “You can cheat on me. You can leave me or replace me with someone else, just don’t…” He bit his lower lip and a drop of tears fell from his eyes. “Don’t do it with my brother. Don’t do it with Ethan Blue Elizalde.” He pleaded.
I smiled and gently kissed him on his cheeks as I whispered. “I will always choose Gray over Blue.”
“I love you.” He sweetly said while holding my hand tight.
“I love you, Gray.” I said.
“Can I court you?”
“What?” I raised my brow. “What do you mean by that? I thought we are already a couple.”
“We are, but I still want to court you everyday, so I can prove to you how much I love you,” he grinned. “And, how handsome I am.”
I chuckled. “And, how are you going to do that?”
He stuck his tongue out and teased me.
“The handsome part is already proven…” He leaned closer to me and kissed my forehead. “The part where I’ll prove how much I love you?” He widened his smile. “I have a lifetime to prove it.”
“I am looking forward to it.” I replied.
“Let’s go on a date.” He said as he started his engine. His right hand still not letting go of my left hand as we drove.
I opened the player and played some songs while he was still me some stories until I remembered asking him.
“Is Vivian the reason why you stop writing?” I curiously asked.
“Yeah,” he answered. “Although, don’t worry,” He glanced at me before looking back at the road. “I now have reasons to write again. After all, there’s a solid fan of mine that’s waiting for my new story.”
I giggled.
“Yes. There are a lot of fangirls.”
“I’ll be reading the story you wrote for me.”
I blushed and felt shy upon realizing the story I wrote for him.
“Don’t dare delete it. I’ll read it.”
“Eh…” I whined. “Don’t…”
“Why is that?”
“It’s childish. I mean, I was really young back then.”
“Did Ethan know you are writing on an online platform?” He asked.
“Uhm, no. Why?”
His smile was triumph as we parked on the mall.
“That’s one point.”
I rolled my eyes. “So, what’s something Vivian doesn’t know about you?”
Gray chuckled and kissed me on his forehead. “I have never cooked for her. And, I will be cooking for you tonight.”
Sounds good to me.