"Thank you." I smiled "I think so, I admitted
"Tell me about him. Brian cased back, relaxing against the backrest. His am remained around my shoulders, I noticed
I shrugged. "What do you want to know?"
"Everything. " he replied. "It must have been hard for you, raising him alone."
Much of the warmth suffusing my limbs was replaced by a sudden chill as his words caused me to recall one pertinent fact about our relationship.
"It wasn't easy," I replied, clasping my hands in my lap. I turned my face away from him, then suddenly looked back. "But, of course, you know that. You know everything from your private investigator's report. You probably even know Noah's birthday, where he was born and how much he weighed. Why even bother to ask me?"
He tilted his head to one side but otherwise showed no reaction to my defensive outburst."I deserved that," he replied after a moment. felt his fingertips stroking my shoulder.
Distracting my from being angry at him. "I do know the basic facts. But I want to hear you tell me about it. According to the report, you left home at... what was it...seventeen years old? I nodded. "Why was that?"
It was hard for me to explain, even after all these years . And harder still to explain it to a man like Brian, Someone who had lived such a pampered life. Why should I feel obliged to explain it to him at all? I asked myself. I didn't owe him any explanations for my life, my choices. But when I looked back at him, the look in his eyes was my undoing. He did seem so genuinely interested, so caring. The expression on his handsome face melted my resistance and I found myself rubbing my hands together and trying to answer his questions.
"My father threw me out of the house when he found out I was pregnant."
he frowned in dismay. "Threw you out of the house?" he asked in disbelief.
I drew in a breath. "He was a very rigid-thinking man. Very concerned with appearances and propriety. Always very worried about what other people thought about our family. He was a lawyer in town, you see, and thought our family had to behave above reproach. When my mother died, he didn't even want us to cry in public at the funeral."
He looked shocked again. "How old were you when you lost your mother?"
"I was ten and Faith was only eight," I replied. "Anyway, after he lost my mother, he was angry at the world. He still had Faith and me, but he withdrew from us, perhaps from grief, or just because we reminded him of her so much... I really don't know, I added thoughtfully. "Anyway, when I found out I was going to have a baby, I was terrified to tell him. But of course I had to...and I got the reaction I had been expecting."
"He was angry at you?"
"Yes, terribly...l'm not even sure anger is the right word for his reaction. I shook my head as if to clear my mind of the dark memories of that awful night. "He wouldn't listen to any explanations, no tears or apologies. That just didn't work on my father.
"Didn't he want to know who the father was?" Didn't he want to speak the boy and his parents? Figure things out between the two families?"
Oh, I don't know who the father was." I said
"What do mean by that. You really don't know who the father of your child?"
I looked at him and saw disdainful look on him face, he want must have thought me I whore or even worse.
"Did someone raped you? Or assault you, I mean someone taking advantage of you and treated you not say something." He asked me again
"I don't want to talk about it, Brian. I just left with five hundred dollars I saved from the money my father give us for up keep."
It's shameful thing to admit that I don't know who Noah's father was, Noah had already given up on that too. Since the day I told him that his father is death. I try all my best to forget about the awful night, but circumstances always bring it on. I didn't blem anyone, at my own carelessness, I got myself pregnant. I've to bear the consequences all alone. I don't want to tell him about it. After all, he was practically a stranger Sull, I thought I must be boring him with my life story. Or worse yet, sounding like some fragile flower who was trying to win his sympathy
"That's not much of an answer, he prodded me. "Where did you go? How did you manage to survive all those months of pregnancy on five hundred dollars."
"I hitchhiked to New Orleans. My mother had a sister named Ellen. There had been an argument between my father and Ellen when my mother died, and my father hadn't allowed us to stay in touch with her. Or anyone on my mother's side of the family, for that matter," I added. "But I looked her up and she was happy to hear from me. She' d never married and lived alone. She had a good job and was generous enough to take me in until I could support myself. I took a breath. There was more I could have told him. A lot more. But I thought I'd already said enough. "If it wasn't for Aunt Ellen, I don't think either Noah or I would be here today," I added thoughtfully.
"God Bless her, wherever she may be," Brian said sincerely
"She's retired and living in North Carolina, I explained. But she comes to visit at least once a year. And she and Noah are pen pals, isn't that sweet?"
"She sounds great. I'd love to meet her some-day."