"Maybe you will, I replied. l'm sure Noah will tell her all about you in his next letter.
I didn't look back at those unhappy days much and to do so brought a wave of unexpected sadness. Even with my aunt' s help, it had been a struggle to get throughmy pregnancy and give birth to Noah. Brian seemed an interested listener, but his true reaction was unreadable. I wondered what he must think of me-really think of me-getting pregnant at age seventeen and running away from home. I'd finished high school and earned my diploma with a home program, but I'd never gone on to college except for a few writing courses I'd managed to take at night. Did he know that part? He probably had about ten framed college degrees hanging on a wall somewhere, I thought. From Ivy League schools, I had no doubt. Yes, the bare facts of the matter did reflect upon mu poorly, I thought, but in the past I had always managed to shrug off any embarrassment wit a who-gives-a-flying-wink-what-you-care attitude . Somehow that ploy wasn't working tonight with Brian . I hated to admit it, even to myself, but I did care what he thought of me. Cared too much.
"Olivia? Are you all right? he moved closer and I felt his arm gently hugging mu shouldes again. l'm sorry. I didn't realize that talking about the past might make you feel unhappy."
"No.it's not that. I glanced up at him, his soft, concerned expression making me feel even worse somehow. Well, maybe a little. It all seems so long ago now. I never think of that time in my life much anymore."
He leaned back again. "From what you've told me, you don't know who's the father is or don't really care to know?" Anyway don't talk if you don't want to say anything. And what about your father, did he ever come around?" He asked
I shook her head."Not really. We were on speaking terms eventually, and I went to see him once, when Noah was about two. He never really did forgive me, though. I took a breath. A few months ater my father died from a heart attack. I guess it was some comfort that we'd at least started to make amends. I looked over at him, forcing muself to snap out of my nostalgic languor. "So, tell me, is my personal version much different fronm your report?"
Yes, very, he replied quietly
But his soft expression made me bristle. I didn't want his sympathy. That was the last thing I wanted from him
"Oh, so you think I'm dillerent now, do you? I'm not that low-down Single mom with an illegitimate kid. with no education-and even less money? You know, that fortune hunter who wasn't nearly good enough to marry your brother?"
He stared at me and took a deep breath. Was he trying to get hold of his temper? I wondered. Or had I finally caught him at a loss for words?
"I think you're a very strong, courageous person and a wonderful mother," he replied finally. I'm sure there have been plenty of men who wanted to marry you...though I'm not sure that any of them could have been good enough. I had turned my head to avoid his gaze, but he leaned over and twisted around, trying to catch my eye. "Does that answer your question?"
"I guess....my voice trailed off. I felt a large lump in her throat and thought for a moment I was going to cry. I looked down at my lap and fiddled with the sash from my skirt. "That's nice of you to say. Very nice, I replied quietly.
"It's the truth. But you're very welcome, anyway. His dark gaze remained fixed on mine, studying me and making me feel a bit self-conscious.
"So...have there been many proposals? he asked finally.
I wanted to laugh, but Brian looked so serious, almost nervous, waiting for my reply, that I didn't dare. The truth was that there hadn't been any marriage proposals because there hadn't been anyone in my life to propose since Noah was born. And while I got lonely sometimes, I had more or less decided that there probably wouldn't be any serious relationships for me until Noah was much older. I tossed my head back and lightly shrugged my shoulders. "Oh, dear, it's just endless. Don't get me Wrong. I'm usually very flattered. But it does get to be a nuisance sometimes. Men are stopping me all the time to propose marriage, at the grocery story, the post office, in the library, for heaven's sake." I shook my head in amazement. "And then there're all the boxes of candy. And all those roses," I added, sounding bored with it all.
"Oh, yes. The candy and roses. How predictable." Brian's wide warm smile brought a glow to his handsome features. A slow-burning ember sparked in my heart. "Some guys can be so boring." he commiserated. Now, I'd never send candy or roses to a woman like you," he assured me
I was tempted to ask what he would send. Then I caught myself. I'm not interested in looking for a relationship now, i said on a more serious note. "And I probably won't be until Noah is much older."
He didn't say anything for a while. I wondered what he was thinking, but couldn't tell from his expression. Whatever it was it had made him first smile...then frown. Then smile again.
Finally he looked at me again and said, Aside from being a great kid, I'm starting to think your son is a genius. But you must already know that."
"teachers say he's gifted." I replied grateful that he'd changed the subject. "They're trying to do what they can for him. He gets extra projects and has already skipped a grade, But...." I stopped ".....well, you can see that it's a rather small town. The resources here are limited."
He looked as if he was bursting to say something but carefully holding back. "Yes, I can see it must be...challenging for you.."
He paused, and it appeared to me that he was thinking very carefully about what he might say next "Well, a boy like that, with all he's got going for him, I'm sure he'll go to a good college. He could easily get a scholarship."
"I think so, I nodded in agreement "That's what I'm hoping, at least. I noticed a wistful smile cross Brain's ruggecd features. "You know, Noah reminds me a lot of Will at that age.
Even the eyeglasses. Always had his head in a book and had all these strange pets in his bedroom. We didn't have Brain Quest growing up, but I'm sure Will would have becen a master at it, just like Noah is."
"Yes, I can see the resemblance," I laughed. And glanced at him with a teasing sparkle in my eye. "I guess I'm more curious about what you were like as a boy, Brian. Did you get into fights on the playground a lot?"
He looked at me and laughed, seeming surpriscd at how well I could read him already. "Yes, I had my share of scuffles, I gues. More than my share. About half the time I was defending Will from get ting picked on by some bully," he recalled.
"I'm not surprised, I admitted. "Seems you're still trying to protect him. Well, we have more incommon than you might think, Olivia, Jackson explained. ""Will and I lost our mother, too, when we were just boys, and my father wasn't a very loving man. Or a good father, I might add. He traveled quite a bit on business. Or maybe that was just an excuse for avoiding us I've never been sure. Anyway, I'm almost ten years older than Will, and it was basically left to me to raise him. I guess my protective feelings as an older brother will never really fade away."
I swallowed hard. It seemed that Brian's the only one who needed a lesson in being less judgmental about strangers. I empathized with his story, and my heart ached for him-not only the man who sat beside me, but the hurting, angry, dark- haired little boy I suddenly saw in my mind's eye. Yes, I guess that's true... Still, you seem so sure that my sister, Faith-or any woman for that matter-could only be interested in Will because of his money. Certainly you realize that can't be true? It's not only illogical, it's just not fair."
His soft expression grew hard and closed again I realized I'd hit a nerve. Yet, I wasn 's one bit sorry I'd asked the question. His answer seemed more important now than ever. Not just in regard to Faiths future... but maybe in regard to my own, I dared to think.