I swallowed hard and looked around frantically and took a deep breath as I answered his call.
“Hello.” I breathe out.
“Hi, Rebecca, Are you okay?” His voice was concerned.
“I was so worried about you. You cut all your contact, not even a single message.” He continued.
“At least tell me if you are okay or not so I can be at peace.” He added.
A smile crept upon my lips as I replied, “Yeah, I am okay... You?”
“I am also fine… just missing you so I thought that I should ask how you are doing?”
“I.. am fine...” I replied vaguely which caused him to question.
“Really? Does he treat you right?” No.
“You can tell me-”
“Jayden…”
I closed my eyes as the urge to cry and tell him everything aroused in me. I swallowed hard and after a brief pause I spoke up.
“Don’t call me again. I... am a married woman and...” I paused to find words.
“My...dignity doesn’t allow me to talk to any other man than him… especially someone to whom.. I am- was attracted.”
“But-” I tried to speak firmly and cut the call before I could hear his answer. I don’t want to hear his voice, it will bring me close to him.
I put the phone close to my chest and shut my eyes as silent tears streamed down. I put my hand over my mouth to muffle my cries and stood up.
I took out that box I had hidden with all those notes of Jayden and read my favorite one.
'You are that fiery fire that burns ashes too; you burned me.’
A sad smile crept upon my lips when I read it. I closed my eyes and sniffed as I wiped my tears.
I raised my head to look at my reflection in the mirror; shattered. A sad smile formed on my lips as I pity myself.
“I wish…”
I shook my head as my eyes fell upon the handkerchief on the dressing table.
I narrowed my eyes and picked it. The scent was clear that it’s Ryan’s but why is it here… is it here for me?
An empty laugh escaped my lips as I threw it away and turned away.
I read all these notes and felt serene and when my ravage calmed down, I put them inside the closet again and walked out of the room.
Since he made me lose my appetite, I sighed and sat on the sofa in the lounge and watched television.
The time passed quickly and before I knew it; evening came.
I sighed and prepared dinner. I leaned on the counter and closed my arms at my chest and cooked Ryan's favorite food; Pasta, I don't know why.
Ryan is breaking my cold facades that were the only string I was clinging onto to stay alive. If he breaks them, I'll die.
His vengeance will take my life.
The affectation is the only thing which is saving me to lose myself in that calm ravage of my mind or else that chaos would have sucked my life out of me.
“I.. can’t..”
I looked at my hand devoid. He made me feel.
I, who stopped feeling anything, he made me feel- even though it was all negative emotions but still.
“What is happening to me?”
He managed to evoke all bad things in me.
Before this loath and terrors increase, I have to keep them inside me or else it would be fatal for both of us.
I exhaled and turned off the stove and walked out of the kitchen. I hugged my sides and leaned in the column in the main hall.
After a few minutes, he entered.
"Welcome home." I said monotonously. He just scoffed and climbed the stairs.
I stood there and he came back, water dripping from his hairs, he was in his casual gray shirt and black trousers.
“Come down for dinner.” I heaved a sigh and went to the dining hall.
We both sat down as he continued to glare at me from the corner of his eye. The food was served as we began to eat silently.
I decided to break the silence and called him, “Mr Knight."
He slammed his hand on the table and said distressed, "For God sake Rebecca, call me by my name!"
"Why?"
"Because we are married!" He said out of frustration.
"Do you even consider our relationship as the sacred bond of marriage?" I asked in disbelief.
"I don't but at least don't call me like that… not in front of others." He said and whispered the last part to himself.
"Ah, that's what it is about.." I trailed off, I felt my chest tightened.
"I have become nothing but a disdain for you.. I must have soiled your image in front of others… after all I am just a contempt."
"Yes, you are. You are nothing but a burden to me. Even looking at you spoils my mood." He spoke his words with venom and that moment.
“I have never resented anyone in my life more than I hate you for entering my life.” He growled.
For an instant, I wanted to cry upon hearing those heartbreaking things like a wife but then I realized I was never one and I cannot become one.
“I.. see.”
I hate how he can break my facades I spent years building so easily.
“Why do you think I care?” I tried to stay strong but failed.
I grit my teeth and was about to retort back but then I inhaled as my tensed shoulder relaxed and replied in my neutral voice.
"Then gouge your eyes out so that you don't have to see me. "
"Fuck you..." He breathed out.
How can I miss this opportunity to taunt him as I hissed in a sweet voice, "What a beautiful mouth you have which is spouting nonsense."
He glared at me and remained silent- what he can say anyways.
A silence fell upon us as we continued to eat. But then I said,
"I want to continue my studies."
"If I recall correctly, you dropped out." He taunted me, referring to the fact that I left my studies just to marry him.
"I'll enter mid session, since I already know about the course. It won't be a problem."
"I don't give my permission." He said sternly and stood up.
My mouth gaped as I said, "I didn't ask, I told you!"
He turned to me and walked towards me.
"I want to continue my studies." I said, assertively. A smug look formed in his face as I looked at him in disgust.
“Is that so?” He put his one hand on the table and leaned with that victorious smile.
"And who is going to pay for your studies?" He asked, leaving me at the loss of words.
I opened my mouth to say that I will but I know that I am unable to do it now. I am nothing but a wimp who can't do anything on his own.
"I am your responsibility, you have to do it." I said, closing my arms at my chest, averting my gaze from his, feeling embarrassed.
He narrowed his eyes as at and sneered,
"Because you know you are nothing on your own."