“Why are you doing this to yourself?” I whispered tenderly.
I looked at her, unconscious on my lap and for the first time, I ran my hands in her hair out of affection.
“What good these tears gave you?” I asked again.
I twirl my fingers in her hair as an involuntary smile crept upon my lips. She was breathing heavily while holding me close to her as if her life depended on me.
And I don’t want to accept it but her clasp on my skin increased my heart rate along with unspokenly strange sensations.
My fingers trailed down to her face, stroking them gently as the cold breeze embraced us.
“Rebecca…” I called knowing my words are not reaching her.
I brushed the sand off from her face and shoulders as I wiped her tears still gleaming her cheeks with the back of my palm.
“I am sorry… It was my fault, I shouldn't have said that to you.” I apologize softly, caressing her gently.
The dried tears on her cheek made my heart clench.
I should have provided her solace, what's the point of showing it now? I continued to watch her and when she passed out in the sand, I rushed to her side.
‘What's the point of it? Of showing this care when she doesn’t know?’
I sighed deeply as the sound of her deadly sobs calmed down and was replaced by the lull of waves.
I leaned close to her face and blew slightly on her face to remove the sand stuck to her face. My heart skipped a beat and I felt guilty.
“It’s okay.” I whispered when my eyes stopped at her lips.
Swallowing hard, I barely controlled myself and stopped at her forehead.
‘Should I kiss her?’
The hankering to do it aroused in me but I restricted it in my chest and pulled away before it could inebriate my mind.
I then slid my arms around her and picked her up bridal style and took her home back with me.
To our home.
I placed her on the bed and laid beside her as I wrapped my arms around her and nuzzled to her neck.
I pulled her in my embrace as some strange fluttering satisfaction filled me. I pulled her to me as close as I could, never wanting to let her roam around like that.
“It’s alright, you are home now.” I whispered.
She scared me. A sudden thought of losing her caused me to feel, somehow, petrified.
I tugged the strand of her hair behind her ear and rested my forehead against her.
‘What made you like this? Jane? Did her death traumatize you?’
My one hand held her waist firmly as her body was pressed against mine, she was holding my shirt letting out rapid breath.
I wrapped my other arms around her neck and pulled her into a hug as I kissed her head. I couldn't control myself anymore.
“It’s okay.”
I caressed her cheeks and I felt at ease to have her in my arms now. My heart felt calm, it was divine and no matter how much I want to deny that feeling, I can't.
“I am sorry, I won’t do it again.” I murmured, holding her tightly.
I want more of it.
When did that happen?
How?
I felt fondness for her, tranquility rushed in my veins as I closed my eyes not wanting to end this moment because I know, the next day, it won't be there anymore.
We will continue to live our lives in hatred and coldness, she'll never open up to me.
Right now, if I could ask for something then let me ask for the entitlement of having you as mine. Please.
“Good night, Rebecca.” I said, smiling feebly to myself.
These obscure thoughts filled my mind as my eyes felt heavy and I found myself losing myself in that.
The next morning, I heard a voice calling me, "Mr Knight, wake up."
And the way my name was called, no need to ask, it's Rebecca.
“I said, wake up.”
I felt sleepy because last night, I barely opened my eyes and rubbed them as I stretched and yawned. “What?”
"Why did you take me back?" She asked in her usual cold voice.
"Obligations." I replied groggily, hugging the pillow and closed my eyes again.
“What a nuisance.” She scoffed and I heard her muttering something under her breath but I couldn't make it.
"Wake up and tell me what you want for breakfast." She asked rudely.
"I am not going to work today. You do whatever you want." I replied in the same tone.
"May I know the reason?" She asked.
"No." I said, without opening my eyes and looking at her.
"Mr Knight, go to work, seeing your face on Saturday and Sunday is enough." She angrily said.
“What is your problem, woman?” I groaned and sat up. I glared at her and then took a hold of her wrists and pulled her into my laps.
“What the- What is your problem!?” She began to struggle to get out of my grasp. I held her jaws and forced her to look at me.
I wanted to touch her, to hold her, I won’t deny.
“Stop struggling.” I leaned in close to her as she seemed slightly startled, she began to quiver and put her hand on my chest to create some distance.
I stared intensely at her and moved to her neck and spoke huskily, "If you don't want to end up in the bed with me. Leave." I ordered.
Somewhere in my heart I do want her to end up in the bed with me.
I let her go as she abruptly stood up and growled at me.
"You can’t throw me out and take me back whenever you want!" She then stomped her feet on the floor, outraged at me.
“Yes, I most certainly can.” I hummed nonchalantly.
“Why did you do it in the first place!?” She scowled.
“Because I remember you are my prisoner and I am not done with you.” I replied coldly, laying back on the bed.
“You are a disgusting guy!” She yelled and left furiously.
‘I know I also feel disgusted at myself to feel this for you. I find it so revolting that I like having you close to me…’