She stared at me blankly and I could tell she doesn’t believe in what I have said so I said it out again to her hearing. “I have never had one.” She stared into my eyes and her eyes dilated.
I scoffed at the shocked expression on her face. Does every man in the universe have someone they love or a girlfriend?
“No wonder…” Ivana curled her lips up and I raised my brows.
“No wonder what?”
“You have no emotions and say a lot of nonsense.” She voiced out and I shot at her forehead. “Ouch!” She whined. “What did you do that for?” She rubs her forehead and I was glad it hurt her.
“I have emotions.” I corrected her. “Also, I don’t say a lot of nonsense.”
“Then why don’t you have a girlfriend?” She asked. “You have seen a lot of ladies in the States and you should have been attracted to them to keep them as a girlfriend.”
I shook my head at her stupidity. “Not any girl can be my girlfriend, I have a high standard,” I told her and looked up to the sky. There were lots of birds flying freely in the sky, I wonder if they also do the relationship stuff we do down here.
“Then, why did you tell Ryan I was your girlfriend when you know full well that I am Hinn Carlos girlfriend?” Ivana voiced out, making me turn my attention to her.
Was I supposed to answer his question? How many times will I have to tell her she belongs to me?
I rolled my eyes. “Ryan talks too much,” I muttered.
“Why did you say that?” Ivana asks again.
“You must be disappointed since I said I have a high standard, or…” I leaned close to her face and she moved head backwards to keep a distance between us.
“Do you regret choosing Hinn Carlos over me? Do you want me to make you my girlfriend?” I raised my brows and she pressed her lips together.
I couldn’t tell what she was thinking in that big head of hers, but I know she wasn’t considering my words, she had deluded herself so much into thinking Hinn Carlos was the love of her life.
“Ivana, don’t fall in love with me, I am warning you honestly this time, I can’t love someone.” I leaned back and looked away as I shut my eyes, thinking back on how hurt my mother has been because of those four letters.
“Why can’t you love someone?” I heard Ivana’s tiny voice and opened my eyes. “Not that I am thinking of what you had earlier said, I love Hinn Carlos and I don’t think anything can change that, I just want to know why you can’t love someone.”
I scoffed as I got up from the bench. “Don’t concern yourself with my matter, also, I don’t want to see tears in your eyes anymore, it is disgusting to watch…” I gave her a once-over and turned to go, but I halted in my steps when I recall the words I have forgotten to say.
“Lastly, the thing concerning Ryan, Katherine, Hinn and the other boys, you shouldn’t involve yourself in it, it is not your business, neither is it mine.” I finished my words, before I could leave, she rushed over to my front, blocking my path.
“You know what is happening between them?” Ivana raised her brows as she searched my eyes curiously. “Why don’t you tell me, please...?”
What part of don’t involve yourself does this girl not understand?
“Hey!” I snapped my finger. “Stop being curious." I frowned. "You should go practice, you still have a lot of things to learn if you want to stand on stage.” Ivana blinked.
“How do you know what my dream was?” She stared at me with wide eyes and parted lips.
“Just go and practice, Katherine is the best and she has Hinn Carlos and also, Ryan is here to help her no matter what you saw at that lobby…" I paused. "With Katherine, you stand no chance to win, so you should go practice or give up that dream.”
She furrowed her brows and was about to say something but I brushed past her and walked away, not interested in whatever she had to say.
She didn’t follow me this time, which was the first and I was glad she was getting a bit of sense now. I walked down the stairs and came face to face with Hinn Carlos.
“You shouldn’t make your girlfriend cry,” I told him in a fit of anger. “Whatever transpired between Katherine, Ryan and you, don’t make Ivana see it, I can’t bear to watch her cry.”
“Then, you should have loved Ivana when you had the chance.” Hinn Carlos said in a deep voice and I was provoked. I curled my hands in a fist.
“Hinn, you still remember our deal don’t you?” I walked close to him. “You may be her boyfriend for now, but she lives in my house and you can’t tell what goes on in there,” I said in gritted teeth.
Hinn Carlos' eyes darkened. “You can’t love a lady. You have never loved someone before in your life, so you would always be like you were when I met you.” Hinn said with a clenched jaw and I know he was trying to provoke me to anger and it was working.
“This is why you can’t hold onto Ivana, so I don’t care what goes on in that mansion between you both, because you would keep pushing her away and hurting her,” Hinn Carlos leaned close to my ears and whispered. “All this would only make her look at me and not you.” I shut my eyes to suppress the pain that had clutched my heart.
Hinn leans backwards and looks at my face. “You look pathetic Robin, no matter how handsome or talented you are.” Hinn Carlos smirked and walked away.
My eyes were hot with tears and I felt the pain like a thorn in my heart as I thought back to the tears my mother had cried in the past when my father left, the way she had turned out, the alcohol she had consumed to take the pain away.
I clenched my fist and the sound of her tears kept replaying in my head, the bottles she had broken out of anger and the words she had soliloquized in her sleep.
Love is poison. Love is poison... I heard that repeatedly in my head, I tried to shake the thought away but It just can’t go away.
“Robin, are you okay? Robin!” I heard a voice and snapped out of my thoughts as I looked at the lady that was staring at me with wide eyes filled with worry. “Robin, are you alright?” Ivana asked me again and I pressed my lips together.
My eyes were blurred with the tears I tried to suppress, I raised my hands to touch her cheek, but stopped myself as I put down my hand to my side.
“Please, s-stay… away from me,” I told her and turned around as I walked away without looking back even when she called out to me.
Love is poison!