“Dad, please let me go to my mother, she is alone and needs me, please dad.” I was sobbing, my hands clasped together as I pleaded with him, tears filled my eyes even though it was against my will to cry.
“Robin, the earlier you stay away from that woman, the better for you!” Benny, my father shouted at me.
“She isn’t that woman, she is my mother, your wife!” I barked at him, placing my hands, I have done enough begging to this man, I was seven, so what? I still have some right to talk.
“You are mistaking Robin, that lady is not worth being my wife,” Benny told me and more tears rolled down my cheek, the words he had said had hurt me so much and I know if my mother heard it she would not only drink, she would do something worse.
“How can you say that dad?” I covered my face with my tiny palms. Lately, I haven’t been eating, I have rejected almost everything, I was not used to the meal prepared by someone else except my mother’s meal.
“You would get to see it too.” Benny touched my shoulder, but the anger I felt inside made me push his hands away.
“My mother is worth it, she is worth everything, both love, both happiness and joy! You ruined her life, you fucking did!” I pushed him as I shouted, I watched my father’s eyes turn cold and it darkened.
“You won’t use that language here Robin, if that is what your mother taught you then you would have to be corrected and not only that, you would respect me.” His voice came out cold and it made the room chiller, but I wasn’t scared, I was angry, how could he tell me that.
“No, I will go back to my mother, I hate you so much!” I barked at his face and he who was squatting beside me got up.
“No you won’t, I will make you wake up and you will see that you will be more responsible here than with her.” He turned to leave but I held his hands, knowing that if I should persuade my father then I have to be humble.
“Dad,” I called out softly and he turned to me. “Mom loves you, she was happy with you, she will if you go back to us, if you stay with us we would be all happy again,” I said softly as I looked up to his eyes with my watery eyes.
“Robin, I have a family here, a happy one and you will be part of us, just take everything that you saw your mother display as a dream, a nightmare or something worse than that, you should be happy here with us and forget that woman,” Benny said with a smile.
My tears seized, the hatred that had formed in my heart for this man was something worse, I only wished at this moment that I could smack him across the face, or better yet stab him with anything I lay hands on.
“Nightmare?” I swallowed hard and stepped backwards releasing my hands from his. “Something worse than a nightmare?” I shook my head at the man in front of me. The life he has destroyed meant nothing to him, the pain he had cost the lady who loves him meant nothing to him.
“Robin, listen to me, you would be okay here with me.” My head was spinning as he said that, the only thing I could picture was my mother, her state right now, how many bottles of whiskey she was consuming.
Was she even eating and who will watch over her while I am gone, who would clear the broken bottles she has shattered everywhere because of her anger.
I felt suffocated, I felt the room spinning. “I hate you, I hate this shithole you call a family, I don’t want to be a part of this fucking family!” I barked in his face once again and was slapped across the face.
“You shall respect me!” My father got up and held my hand as he dragged me upstairs.
“Let me go! I want to go to my mother you fucking asshole!” I shouted, releasing my anger by saying words I have heard my parents say over the phone countless times even when I don’t know what they mean, but I have seen how hurt my mother was when she heard those words from his lips and I hope they also hurt him.
I was wrong, it didn’t hurt him, it made him more violent and I suffered because of it.
“You will shut up when I tell you to!” Benny slapped me across the face and pushed me into the dark attic room as he shut the door.
“Let me go!” I shouted, banging the door. “Let me go!”
“You won’t be leaving this room, you will be denied access to food until you apologize and promise never to say such words again,” Benny told me from the closed door.
“Let me out you asshole!” I barked while I bang the door louder, my face was getting hurt and I knew deep down in me that I wouldn’t rather die than apologise to that man.
He said no more words, I only heard his departing footsteps, then I heard a few words that belonged to his new wife. She said something that made me wish my mother was here to beat her to death.
I was weak, I haven’t been sleeping lately, I have not eaten much so I was tired and slid down the door, curling myself up as I held the necklace my mother had given to me and sob lightly.
“Mom, mom…”
I felt something warm rolled down my cheek and my eyes fluttered open, I was holding onto the bedsheet and my pillow was soaked in tears.
I looked over at my window, it was already bright, but I felt so weak to get up, I felt hot, my body seemed to be burning. I turned to my phone still in tears as I reached out to my phone and dialled my mother’s number.
“Hey, Robin, what’s up?” I could hear the flipping of pages and the sound of keyboards, she must be working even this early she was trying damn hard.
“Mom,” I called out softly as I shut my eyes, hearing her voice has made me a bit calm.
“Robin, are you okay?” My mother asked me over the phone and I pressed my lips to suppress the sob.
I wanted to tell her, I wanted to tell her all about what my father did to me, I wanted to tell her how he hit me, I wanted to tell her I was not happy there, I wanted to tell her everything he said about her just in case she still has feelings for that man so she can drop it all.
But no, I did want to see my mother who looks happy now sad again, I have to hide it all, I was with her now, that was all that mattered.
“I miss you so much mom, I truly want to see your face,” I said in a hoarse voice.
“Hey,” My mother chuckled. “You are no longer a kid Robin, go get dressed and head to school, I am busy now and I miss you too, but not sure when I will come home.”
“What? You are still postponing your return, you told me three days.” I frowned as I sat up on the bed, perhaps hearing she wouldn’t come back has made me angry and given me a little energy to lash out.
“I won’t be handing this business over to you soon, that way you would see that it isn’t something easy.” My mother chuckled over the phone, I love hearing her laugh so my lips turned up.
“I won’t take over your business, you should know that I don’t like business.” I paused. “If you hand it to me, I may change it all into a music industry.” I teased her back.
“Naughty boy, I see you have a lot of energy, I am hanging up now, will call you later.”
“I love you, mom,” I called out.
“I love you too son, now goodbye, be nice to Ivana.” She added and hung up.
I smiled down at my phone and breathed a sigh of relief, I had thought she was gone again, I had thought I was with my father again, I wouldn’t have sat still anyway.
Then, back to Ivana, I glanced at the wall clock. It was 6:30 in the morning. Now I wonder what she was doing. The thought of last night filled my head, this was the first time I was curious about something. ‘How would she teach me how to love?’
I climbed down my bed and walked out of my room just to see the whole house covered with smoke.
“What the fuck! IVANA!”