Today is Aunt Mila's last memorial service. Mama, papa, Janel, and I are at church where her body lies. Jr.'s siblings are also here. Right away, I looked around to see if Jr. was also present. I searched nearly the entire church corner but was unable to find him. I wonder if he'll show up. He should be here to send his mother to her final location since this is the last day. Although I am aware of how hurt he is, he can at least say goodbye to her one last time.
Even after Aunt Mila's funeral, which took several days, Jr. refused to leave his room. With their families, who handled their mother's funeral arrangements, his siblings also went back home. I also attempted to enter his room, but his brother told me he preferred to grieve in solitude and didn't want to talk to anyone first. I haven't insisted. Jr. hasn't been around since then.
I am thinking how he is? What did he do? What he did to lessen his pain, he is alone and no one their for him. I am thinking that maybe he will blames himself for what happened to his mother. It was and accident and no one to blame. But as a child, I know that Jr. can't think the same way. He is the one who left with his mother.
I have yet to catch a glimpse of him, not even a shadow. Isn't he coming now? Won't he deliver his mother to the final destination? I know that he's hurting but he need to come to his mother. At least to see her for the last time.
Suddenly, someone sat down in the chair next to me, and when I turned to look, Jr. He was standing before the altar of the church and was donning a white dress with a black ribbon. I wanted to say hello to him but the Mass had already started, so I just kept quiet. Even as I was listening to Mass, I couldn't help but occasionally cast a glance Jr. I'm interested in his well-being and his activities related to mourning.
I wanted to to talk to him but the Mass started so I keep quite. Until the mass ended without us having a talk. We were together even on the short stroll to the cemetery, but we kept silent. I just let him and maybe this is the way he was mourning. The important thing was that he accompanied me even though we were unable to communicate.
He just remained silent until we arrived at the cemetery and saw where aunt Mila was interred. Although I was desperate to speak with him, I reasoned that perhaps he wasn't yet ready to share his thoughts. I understand that he needed time for himself because he was not prepared for what happened. All I can do for him right now is wait so that I can be there for him right away when he needs to talk.
I saw him crying quietly next to me. I offered him handkerchief and he also accepted. He kept crying, and I stroked her back while I was also overcome with emotion. I hear the cries of the people aunt Mila had left behind. They grieve and others screamed in pain. I sigh hearing them hurting. I am hurting too, for the little period of time, somehow we became close too.
As soon as aunt Mila was lowered into the pit and covered with dirt, the mourners started to leave one by one. Mama, papa, and Janel also go first. I left, and they simply said, "Okay." Papa even told me not to leave Jr. until he got home. When they and the others left, only Jr.'s family was left.
I grabbed him by the shoulder and he immediately turned to me. He gave me a big smile to let me know he was alright. But the sadness in his eyes was still undeniable.
I started out by asking, "How are you?" I also couldn’t bear to ask him. The only thing he really wants is to know that someone is thinking about him no matter what.
He answered me, "I'll lie if I say I'm fine."
"I'm here if you need sympathy." I grabbed his hand, squeezed it tightly, and grinned. However, all he did in response was sigh and then turn away from me, so I simply bowed.
He called me by my name, "Mia," which made me look at him. Our eyes converged as he was already focusing on me.
"Why?"
"I would like to talk to you because I have something important to say to you."
"All right, when?"
"I wish it was now if it's okay with you." I nodded and looked around. I noticed that there weren’t too many people.
"Ok, how about there," I said while pointing at a distance.
We started to walk down the street after he gave me a nod.
"What are you talking about?" I asked as we walked. There are no other people, so no one else can hear what we are talking about. As soon as he stopped, I followed suit and turned to face him. I could see the hesitation on his face that he wanted to say. "Jr., what are we going to talk about?" I added.
“Mia,”
"Does something seem off?"
"I just wanted to say goodbye to you." I looked at him with astonishment because I didn’t know what kind of goodbye he was referring to.
"What goodbye do you mean?" There was a little nervousness in my chest while asking that.
“I decided to go to Dubai with my brother when he and his wife and children return there.”
It seemed as though all I wanted to do at that point was vanish from the scene. My chest felt heavy and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It seemed like the most painful thing I had ever heard in my entire life.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm relocating abroad. Mia, I need to clear my head. Did he mean he was leaving because he didn’t need me anymore?