CHAPTER 55
MONTANA'S POV
The result from my big mouth and talking without thinking was not pleasant cause me figuring out how sensitive this topic was to Alpha Lincoln, it was already too late.
He had gripped my hand tightly, his growl emanating through him and his Alpha tone, very much out as he spoke to me, "What gave you the right to think you can speak about her, huh? You see this is what I talk about when I say you are too curious and meddle in other business which can be very irritating when you are not invited."
Sincerely my heart was racing, he was scaring me and the grip on my arm increased, "A-alpha", I tried to make him calm down, while trying to free my hand, but he was stronger than me, the pain only increased.
"P-please just let go? Relax let's talk", my mind was a fumble now, and I did not even know what I was saying anymore, "I do not mean it like that, I just mean if that is the reason then please just talk to me, let's understand and work on us."
"There is no us Montana, don't you understand that?", He yelled at me as his hand tightened on my arm and I whimpered.
I knew the tears were flowing, but he did not care, he stared into my eyes and said what he had to say, "You are nothing like her, and you will never be. I do not love you Montana, I do not ever want to speak of this again, when your five months is up, just leave. This, you, everything between us, was a fucking mistake and I regret every single bit of it."
While he said all this I was trembling, my breath choked as he pushed me away and left, slamming the door which made me jump from shock.
Where he held me will definitely leave a bruise but much worse.
"Oh Goddess", I fell to the ground, my heart ached badly, "I don't deserve all this pain, I just want to be loved, i- did I do something wrong? What is wrong with me that I have to always fight for love or beg for it?", I cried out, my hands trembling.
"I know I can never be like the person he loved, I know she was strong obviously, beautiful, everything he wanted, and I am everything he does not want", I thought while shaking so much.
Why would he even say those words to me?
Tears that filled my eyes started to fallout profusely, not stopping, just free flow.
All the time we spend together everything we did, he regrets them all? Then why the hell did he confuse me? Is this all my fault?
How was I supposed to control how I felt, the love I felt for him, how? Adding up with him confusing me.
I tried so many times to talk to him about us but no, he either changes the topic, give me a glare or just am excuse or something to kill off that idea.
My chest was so hurt as I cried, choking on my thoughts.
When I remember the last words he said to me and how he hurt me so badly but there was no single care in his eyes, it made all I felt worse. So he just used me to pass out time?
Is that how low he thinks of me? I thought he felt something for me.
By this time, I was already laughing at my stupid self for thinking I stood a chance. "Thought? Who would ever love someone like me?", I asked myself while laughing sadly until it turned into more tears and crying,
"Who would do the things I do for them? Who would value me, treat me right and care about my feelings? Who? All they do is cause me pain with their actions and words, everything. I'm starting to feel like maybe I am the problem, perhaps I do too much."
I guess being wanted is different from being loved.
I was not even sure if I was wanted seeing as he was so eager for me to leave when the contract gets over.
I wiped my eyes and got up, "I should be used to this already, I don't even know, why can't I just take the pain and enjoy it," I said to myself while sniffing and drying my eyes.
Goddess, this stupid tear will not just stop falling. The cries were coming back up, and I am trying so hard not to cry anymore.
Presently, I am just feeling numb, I did not know how to react or what to do, just numb.
I did not even shower, I had no energy, I just pulled off my gown, I had no makeup, just natural them with a lip gloss, that's it.
So, I just pulled off my gown and crawled under the duvet.
ALPHA LINCOLN'S POV
I rubbed my face, feeling so angry. What makes Montana think she can bring her up like that in our conversation. She has no right.
She does not know how the death of the one I loved affected me so much, and she brings it up like it's just a mere fling?
I was burning with rage, if only she was not curious and stupid.
And what if I did not want to fall in love again or let anyone in, what if? That is my decision to make and Montana does not have a say in how I am to feel, I will feel what I want to feel.
All this I said, blinded by anger, and went to bed angry.
The next morning I had calmed down and remembrance of what happened yesterday came back to me, stressing me out.
I just hope we won't have any problems, everyone can just do their thing until it's all over.
But deep down, I was feeling different, I don't know how to explain it, but I remember what Montana said,
Was I really fighting the feelings I supposedly have for her?