Sloan's POV
Carter hadn't moved from the couch in four days. He just kept Cars on repeat. Only got up to use the bathroom and shower and it would only be a five-minute long break and he was back.
He ate whenever I made something for him, but I never saw him eat it. I recognized pretty early that he would only eat when I wasn't around. So I would take longer showers, or hang out upstairs for a bit to give him time to eat.
In these four days, Carter also hadn't said a word. Not a single word. Which broke me because it was the complete opposite of who he was. He was a talker, and I loved listening to him. He made snarky comments, he made jokes. His voice was also heaven on earth to me, it warmed me and made me feel like the only man on earth. So to not hear that...it was breaking me.
He would fall asleep on occasion but then I would always restart the movies for him, so when he woke up it wasn't off.
I sat firmly on the opposite couch, not moving and only going on my phone when he was sleeping. I didn't want him to think I was giving his location away or I was bored. I wasn't. I don't think I'd ever be bored in his presence. It was Carter we were talking about. I liked just being in his presence.
Carter was asleep now, snoring lightly. Which meant I was able to get on my phone just for a bit. And try to stop it from vibrating consistently in my pocket. Which has been happening for the past few days. I do wonder if Carter ever heard it, if he did he didn't say anything.
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Pops: He doing okay?
Flo: Call me when you can.
Ezra: Tell Carter to text me if he gets another phone.
Uncle Ray: Tell Carter we're thinking about him.
Sean: Where are you?
I texted my family back saying the usual we're okay, and all that. But I ignore Sean's text, as I have been since leaving. I was angry with him. Something was going on that I didn't quite know yet, but I'd figure it out. And Sean was in it too. Whatever he said to piss Carter off must have been terrible. And that fact disgusted me to my core. So until I can fugure out what was said, I was keeping my distance from him until further notice.
To be honest, I've been enjoying this time with Carter. Even though he isn't talking yet, I can't help but think maybe this is what we needed. Not to talk to each other. Give us time to process us being mates and being around each other. I feel like any time I talk to him I annoy him, or I say the wrong thing and fuck everything up. Carter and I had never been so at peace with each other like we have in these past four days. We found a routine, and it was easy and it was fucking nice just being around him. Not doing anything.
It's also made our mate bond stronger. So much so that I couldn't sleep upstairs anymore. I had to be near him, so at night, I slept right here on the couch. I hadn't left the house either. Rena and Dani brought us groceries when we got low, but other than that, I had no interaction with anyone else.
Loren had told me he couldn't sense his lycan. That Theodore was hiding, and I wonder if that has also affected Carter and his mood. I know how close he and his lycan are. And I know Loren is in love with Theodore has been for ages, so this is affecting him too. One day I'll let him front and meet his Theodore, and I hope Theo accepts Loren with open arms.
Carter started to twist around which signaled he was about to wake up so I shoved my phone in my pocket and laid down. His eyes flickered to me for just a moment but then went right to the TV as expected. He always did that after he would wake up. He would look right at me. I can't help but wonder if he is scared that one day he'd wake up and I'd be gone.
Over my dead body.
Life is a highway came on and I couldn't stop myself from humming along and singing the lyrics.
"I'm gonna ride it all night long." My voice was grave, probably because it was the first time I had properly talked in days.
Carter looked over at me and I swear I thought I saw his mouth twitch at the side. I heard his stomach growl and his eyes went back to the TV. I got up immediately and went to the kitchen. I know if there is one thing I can do, is feed my mate.
I found this cookbook in the drawers and I was planning on cooking from it some day soon. But then I texted Dani about it and she told me that Rena said it was Carter's mom's cookbook. One of the last things he has of her. Rena also told me that when Carter was younger the mac and cheese was his favorite, so that's what I'm going to make.
Thank goddess I'm an excellent cook.
It took about an hour but once it was done, it looked heavenly. I loaded up the bowls, one for me and one for Carter. I walked around the couch and set the bowl down. Carter's eyes flickered between me and the food, his eyes were wide with surprise. I cleared my throat, feeling slightly nervous.
"There was a cookbook in there, and this recipe was starred so I just thought I'd make it." I shrugged, feeling insecure about my cooking skills. I hope it tasted like he remembered it.
I backed away and as I was walking to the stairs I heard him sniffle and mutter: "Thank you, tiger."
Never in a million years did I think I'd ever be happy to hear him call me that.
When I came back downstairs after about ten minutes I saw an empty bowl. Carter ate the whole bowl. He ate it all. This was the first time he had eaten all of his food, and it made me so fucking happy.
He was sleeping again, and I couldn't help but wonder why he was so tired. He slept most of the day away, like a cat. One day I'll have to tease him about it. But that'll be deep in the relationship. Damn, relationship? Was I saying that? Was Carter Jafir choosing me as a mate? Never in a million years did I think that would happen. And here I am...
I did wonder if Carter was depressed, I mean he had all the signs. I knew this because of my dad, he told me he was depressed when he was younger and for years. He told me what happened when he got overwhelmed and how he shut down. Carter's is similar but also completely different. I also wondered if it was because Theodore was gone. Carters never lived a life without him, so it must be strange being awake and having him gone. Plus I know Theo was his protection system almost...
There are a million questions in my head when it comes to this. But I can't ask him. At least not yet.
We were currently on Cars 2, and my eyes were glued to the TV. I won't tell him yet, but I loved Cars. Love Cars. When I found out when I was a kid that he loves Cars just as much as me I was ecstatic. But by the time I was able to truly express myself, he was eleven and was busy running off with Ezra to pay me any mind. I thought that maybe if he knew that I liked Cars too he would like me more, but I never got the chance to tell him.
I think it's probably one of the only things we have in common at this time. Granted there is still a lot of learning to do, and everything I know about him is from what I've heard and what I've eavesdropped on. But I want to know from him. I want Carter to tell me about himself and I want him to tell me everything.
Carter started stirring and it caught my attention. I turned over to look at him and his eyes were closed. But tears started to flow down his cheeks and a soft whimper escaped his mouth.
This was new.
I sat up to get a better look, and I could hear him whimpering and it was like a knife to my heart. Seconds later a sob flew out of his mouth and he was clutching to the pillow for dear life. His sobs got louder and my heart clenched harder. Loren was growling at me, telling me to move over there and I wanted to. But I don't know if that is crossing a line. We had been so good, and if I go over there I don't want to break us out of this trance we are in. But I couldn't sit here like a fool and watch my mate, my Carter, cry in front of me.
"Fuck it," I whispered under my breath. I stood up and walked over toward him. I can't believe I'm about to do this.
I grabbed the blanket and lifted it. I slid my body behind Carter, and my back hit the back it the couch cushions. Thankfully the couches were huge and held enough space. I threw the blanket back over to cover us. I wrapped my arms around Carter and pulled him to me as he continued to cry. I held him tightly but not so hard that just in case he still had bruising on his stomach, I didn't want to hurt him again. Then I rested my head on top of his.
"I'm here, Carter. You're safe." I whispered as I pulled him impossibly tighter. I saw his eyes flicker open and he moved his hand to wipe his face.
"Sloan?" He croaked out.
For a moment I didn't recognize he said my name. But he had. This was the first time since we were little kids he had called me by my name. Not that I despised Tiger, I had gotten used to it. But hearing my name on his lips was the truest pleasure I had ever felt. I nuzzled my chin on his head and let out a nervous breath against him.
"Yeah. It's me." I didn't want to ask. But I know I should. "Do you...do you want me to move?" I waited silently and stiffly for the resounding yes that was about to hit my ears.
"No. No, I don't want that. Please don't go." He sobbed out again as he twisted his body to turn toward me. He wrapped his hands around my neck and threw his legs in between mine. Carter was lying on top of me, squeezing me. Almost as if he was afraid that I would leave.
I'd never leave.
I wrapped my arms around his back and torso as he buried his head in my neck. His scent was the only thing I could smell and I loved it.
"I'm not going anywhere," I told him truthfully. I'd follow Carter till the end of the Earth. In death even. Carter had no idea how much I loved him. One day he would though, I'd prove it to him, over and over again.
"I'm sorry, Tiger. I'm sorry for being an asshole. I'm so sorry okay? I'll be better, just—just don't reject me."
I was stunned. Was this happening? Did Carter honestly believe that I would ever reject him? I feel like I've gotten looped into an alternate universe.
"Carter—"
"I know I'm fucked up. I know. But just give me some time and I'll get better." He sobbed out to me. But this felt so much deeper than what he was saying. The knocking was still present and I ached to know what he could mean.
"You're perfect," I whispered to him, needing to say something to ease him.
"No, Sloan. Don't do that. You don't know a--and-- I just--please don't--" He was trying to find words for what he was feeling but was struggling. I could see the frustration on his face and I rubbed his back to try and calm him down.
"You don't have to explain anything right now." His forehead was next to my lips and I had to resist the heavy urge to press a gentle kiss on it. I wanted to soothe him in any way I could.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." He whispered and buried his head deeper into my neck. "Every time I talk I mess shit up." He gripped my shirt tight like he was in anguish. And from what I can see...he was.
"What do you mean? You don't mess anything up."
"I do! I do, Sloan, and I just-- I'm tired." It was then I could hear his exhaustion, and I felt his body trembling. He was overwhelmed by something, but I don't know what. "I don't have the strength to talk anymore..." His voice was so quiet I almost missed it.
"You don't want to talk anymore?" I asked to clarify and make sure I heard correctly. He shook his head no against my neck and sighed deeply.
My heart ached at the information but in a selfish way. I love his voice, and Carter was known for his comments and his outgoing nature, his not talking felt...unnatural. But of course, I pushed that deep down and away. Because this wasn't about me, this was about my Carter. If he didn't doesn't have the strength to talk then I'll talk for him.
"Okay, you don't have to talk," I told him, rubbing his back gently.
"I'm sorry, Sloan, I j--just can't." He hiccupped lowly and squeezed me tighter. Goddess, he was perfect against me.
"Don't apologize. If you don't want to talk you don't have to. I--I'll still be here." I whispered the last sentence and nerves filled me. I didn't know if my vulnerability was too much for him too soon. But I needed him to know that he had me. He'll always have me.
"I'm not going anywhere." He let out one last deep sigh and I could feel his breathing go even. And within seconds he was asleep again, gripping onto me as if his life depended on it.
Many things ran through my head, I wondered what had happened in Carter's life that made him react and act in such a way. It was obvious he was hurting but it was so much more. So much more that he even thought his speaking would be too much. Whoever it was that made Carter feel this way, I'd kill them. If that's what Carter wanted, I'd do it in a fucking heartbeat.
Carter was mine to protect now. I'd happily take the responsibility.
Because I meant what I fucking said.
I'm not going anywhere.