Jasper stood next to the small window and gazed outside while in complete silence and I am not going to lie. I don't wasn't feeling good about this whole situation.
" So, tell me what you want to talk about? or do you want to just stay silent and say nothing."
He turned around to face me and his back was leaning towards the window and his muscled arms came across his chest as he looked me in the dead eyes. He took a breath and said, " Aisling, open your ears and eyes. Listen to me, carefully what I am about to tell you wasn't a joke or a lie."
" What was it? don't create so much build-up and just tell me or is this part of your secret plan to kill me in absence of everyone."
" Trust me! Aisling if I want to kill you. I could kill you that day and tear you apart in half and you won't be standing here and being so big mouth with me." he said in his cold voice trying to scare me and he was not wrong about it. I am a bit scared of him because I was alone with him and he can hurt me if he wants to and I can do nothing about it and
I can't even stand a chance against him and yet, alone thinking of fighting back against him. But what I am good at it's pretending. I straightened up my spine to look unfazed by him.
" You think, I am scared of you. You are wrong then. I've crossed that line a while ago and I am not afraid of dying."
"Then, you should be afraid of death because your time coming closer to you and you don't even realize it." He said.
" Stop talking in riddles! and come to the point. I don't have time for listening to this shit! I already listened to this. And believe me, I am not interested at all."
He became silent again and don't know what is his problem with me. There is nothing like suspense and anxiety for barricading a human's mind against the Enemy. He wants men to be concerned with what they do; our business is to keep them thinking about what will happen to them. My forehead was a maze of anxious little grooves, from a lifetime of wondering about whether everyone within range was OK.
" Come on, speak or you don't have anything to say," I said and he was staring at me blankly.
" Fine, don't speak. You are just wasting my time. I have other things to do. I am leaving, bye." I comment and find myself in absolute frustration because he didn't want to talk but just wanted to waste my time. " I said and decided to leave.
As I spin around to go back. He finally speaks, " Your life is in danger Aisling."
I stopped from my track and turn around to face him again. And he moved towards me, " That day, I was instructed to kill you by someone." he told me, and I immediately reacted.
" What? what... did... you... just said?"
I am shocked, shocked I tell you Stunned is what I am! I can't complete a sentence
Without a stutter or a stumble. My hand is shaking. There are tears in my eyes
I can't stop thinking in my mind so many words are cluttered in my brain.
" You heard me, correct? I was instructed to kill you that day and it wasn't just a coincidence. It was a planned attack on you."
" And how am I supposed to believe you?" I asked him and tried to calm my nerves because I don't want to believe that someone instructed me to kill him.
" It's up to you to believe me or not but I am telling you the truth."
" Who instructed you to kill me? tell me."
" I just can't tell you that but what's more important for you is to protect yourself from upcoming danger. You are not safe here."
I can feel it latching onto each. Tiny hair on my face as it falls following the trace
of the fears before it no sound but heavy breathing And the muted stream of questions inside my head. My eyes wide
Searching for information amongst the blurry gaze.
" What do you mean by it? I don't understand what to believe or what not to believe. You have tried to kill me. Do you understand?"
" I was forced to do that. I didn't do that willingly. I don't want to kill you. I was threatened. And I don't have a choice but to do what they wanted. I was innocent I was put down in a tough spot. I had to pick who I am going to save you or Benny. He is my brother and I can do anything for him even if I had to kill someone."
I wanted to grab him by the collar and strangle him. But I control my anger.
" Then, why didn't you kill me? Why have you shown mercy on me? if you wanna kill then why didn't you follow the instructions?"
" Because I was scared! God dammit! I can't kill someone innocent who did nothing wrong. I can't be that cruel. I am telling you this because I don't want to kill you but I don't know next time what will be the circumstances? I just want to warn you that this place isn't safe for you. It is like walking on fire and you never know how much it will burn you."
Disbelief held me down inside my footsteps, making my body heavy but my heart wild. I watched Jasper in disbelief as he turned around to face the small window again.
He was looking for something out there and I found myself still in shock how could someone want to kill me? I didn't do anything wrong with anyone. And who could be that? Jasper wasn't going to tell me because he looked equally frightened as I am. But what was the reason for telling me this right now? when I can't do anything because I am chained up in this house by my aunt and my father.
" What was the reason for telling me? what do you want me to do? just wait for you to kill me." I asked him in frustration.
He swirled to face me and said, " You need to leave tonight"
" You can't even imagine How much I want to leave this place but I can't do that because my father doesn't want me back. He sent me to the aunt only to suffer which I am currently living in suffering, fear, and now in trauma."
" Why would any father do that to his child? " he asked me.
He awakens the horrible memories inside me of the father. And I realized that the childish impression I had always had of my father, as Just Lawgiver, was entirely wrong. We were utterly dependent on this man, who was not only deluded and ignorant, but incompetent in every way. What was more, I knew that my mother was incapable of standing up to him. It was like walking into the cockpit of an airplane and finding the pilot and co-pilot passed out drunk in their seats. And standing outside the plan, I was struck with a black, incredulous horror, which was not at all, unlike the horror I had felt over the past year, who is controlling everything? dismayed. Who is flying this plane?
" You don't know anything about me. How cruel and controlling my father is and aunt is his replica."
" I don't believe it, no father would be so cruel to her children. You must do something wrong that's why your father sent you away."
I knew I made mistakes but the mistake was worth it for him, Only once in my life, I truly believe, I found someone who can completely turn my world around. I told them things that I’ve never shared with another soul and he absorb everything I said and want to hear more. I shared hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at him. When something wonderful happened I can’t wait to tell him about it, knowing he shares in my excitement. He was not embarrassed to cry with me when I am hurting or laugh with me when he made a fool of himself. He never hurt my feelings or made me feel like I am not good enough, but rather he build me up and showed me the things about myself that made me special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy, or competition but only a quiet calmness when he was around. I can be myself and not worry about what he thought of me because he loved me for who I am. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song, or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in my heart to cherish forever. Memories of our childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colorsours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life whereas before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. In his presence, there was no need for continuous conversation, but I found myself quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested me before become fascinating because him knowing they are important to him who is so special to me. I think of azelaic on every occasion and in everything I do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind, or even a storm cloud on the horizon. I open his heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening my heart, I experience a love and joy that I never dreamed possible. I find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow my heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares him. I found strength in knowing I have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting, and worthwhile. He is my only hope and security.
" I didn't do anything wrong. And why you are taking so much interest in my life?"
" I am not taking any interest I just want you to go away. So far, that I don't have to kill you."
" And what am I supposed to do? maybe we should tell this to aunt maybe she would help us."
" NO! WE ARE NOT TO TELL YOUR AUNT!" He scream at me which made me jump out of my shoes. I don't understand why he reacted like that in such a vague manner.
" And why not? she is the only one who could help us both."
" No, Aisling we aren't going to tell anyone. It is way too risky and if one small mistake we made. We will lose our lives. Do you understand? We are not going tell anyone."
I think he lost his mind or something. If we are not going to anyone then who is going to help us? I don't understand what is going through his head but one thing is certain I invited trouble for myself once again and this time I don't know if am I able to dodge it. I just don't know