Just seeing him is enough, it’s no big deal for me if he is with someone else, he has a crush on someone else or he’s making out with someone else. I just don't want him out of my sight.
But as I grew more, the more I felt deep and dark.
I realized this is how dangerous love can be, how dangerous the world could be.
I saw my dad being left alone because he chose a path he's good at but never did I know if he's happy.
He didn't love my mom neither did Jax's and I don't know if he ever did. I don’t want to be like dad. I don't want the day to come when I have to choose the easier way just because I feel like I am being left out.
But I don't want to be left alone either. I’m scared to be alone, I’m scared to be sad just because I’ve been a coward once.
"Yeah. Just dinner."
My recollection ended when I heard Erato's voice.
It was dark around but only two seconds passed when I found him. His eyes were already fixed on me which surprised me. My heart was pounding.
"I'll call you when I have the time." He uttered.
"Uhm, no. I'll leave." I said and I quickly got up to leave the place where he was so that I could not hear them talking to anyone.
"Wait."
I stopped in two steps. Hesitant to turn around or continue.
I quiet expected him to be here but I didn't expect for our path to cross this way again.
"Why?"
I question as if unaffected. He slid his phone inside his pocket.
He's still wearing the slacks and the shoes he had in the ceremony but his top is just a plain v neck shirt. He was wearing the dog tag again that I often see on him.
I should have taken a picture of him wearing formal attire, just a moment and he went back to looking like a cheater.
"Why are you leaving?"
I didn't answer and just fought he thinks. He averted his gaze and grinned causing me to frown.
"Because you're talking to someone?" My answer.
He nodded while still mumbling. "I’m not talking to anyone now." He said.
His tone sounds like a matter of fact and I didn't know how to respond to that. We stare at each other again. This time I looked at him and my thoughts awhile ago continued.
My eyes turn weary and sad. After that encounter of ours in that hearts day or the day I confessed to him. I didn't expect him to be affected but I also didn't think he would get worse. I saw him more often with girls than the usual and with that I grew more of it.
Gradually I got used to it, numb instead of being hurt.
"Congratulations." I uttered under my breath.
His jaw moved and his eyes are not on me.
"I'm proud of you." I voiced out.
I saw him stunned, the bulk in his throat moved and he shifted on his place.
"Thank you."
I nodded slowly.
I decided to turn my back on him again not because of the awkward atmosphere but because of what happened on my birthday.
Since then I felt like something changed inside of me and the way I see him. I can't even explain but one thing I'm sure of.
"I just want to know, Jade ..." I heard him say.
I did not face him, my legs wobbled a bit thinking of his next words.
"Why me?"
I chuckled without humor. I bravely faced him. I can't read his emotions, he's just in his usual heart breaker look.
"Don't give me the answer 'why not you?'" He added.
This time I chuckled again while he remained stoned face. I cocked my head to the side.
He stepped forward, nearing me. I was not shaken. It seems like my courage is due to the troubles in my mind.
“I wonder why me. I’m an asshole Jade, so why?" He said with disbelief.
I answered him quickly.
"That's the reason why it’s you."
He stopped again for the second and chuckled after wards. He whispered soft curses in the air, looked up once more and looked back at me again.
"If your dad wasn't just looking I would have kissed you."
It's my turn to get shocked. My eyes turned OO with what he just said. My heart and mind seemed to go crazy because of what he said. I didn't know what to say and the first thing I did was to looked for my dad.
He did not take his eyes off me. But I confirmed he was right. Dad is currently holding a wine on the entrance of the house while quietly looking at us.
I looked back at him and swallowed. His playful looks given to me. I never thought I could feel joy and pain in just the same emotions.
I bit my lips and my eyes watered a bit. Why am I so emotional this past few days?
"I won't let you anyways. Not on the place you made out with your girl the first time you knew about my feelings."
He was stunned by what I said and his expression darkened. It's so obvious that he didn't expect my sudden blow.
"Yes I'm martyr when it comes to you, but one thing you should remember is that I'm not a masochist. If it pains me, it pains me."
I turned my back on him completely and quickly wiped the tears from my eyes.
Although my mind is confused but only one thing is for sure, he'll hurt me in all possible ways he can but the more he hurts me, the more I realized that this is not an infatuation nor puppy love.
Scary. It's scary to fall when you know there's no one to save you.