CHAPTER 15
My friends were quiet while on our way home. No one dared to speak or open up a topic. Pagkatapos ng kasal ay doon sila kinausap ni Gwyn sa mga nangyari no’n. After that, we went to a reception pero di pa kami nag-iisang oras ay umuwi din kami agad.
Malapit na kami nang bigla nag-salita si Zenneth, “I am her bestfriend, yet I didn’t know that my bestfriend was suffering.” The tone on her voice is enough to describe that she was regretting what happened in the past.
“Walang may kasalan, okay? Hindi niya tayo sinisisi sa nangyari no’n at ‘wag din natin siya sisihin kasi lahat ng ‘yon ay nakaraan na. All we need to do now is to forget the things that happens there and look forward,” I told them to feel better.
Totoo naman kasing wala na kaming magagawa sa nakaraan. At kung ano man ‘yong nagawang kamalian ay dapat ng wag ulitin. Learn from you mistake, ika nga nila. Kahit sisihin mo pa ang nangyari no’n wala ka ng magagawa.
“Yeah, but I felt bad after hearing her side,” Renaissa stated while driving.
“Everyone’s felt bad, Renaissa. . . because we all judged her way back. Pero kagaya nga nang sinabi ko. . . wala na tayong magagawa,” I looked straight in the eye through the rearview mirror.
“Yeah, right.”
After that, we all went silent again. I looked at the window of this car and I smiled while I saw how amazing the scenery was. God is indeed the beauty of all creation because He made this world so much attractive so that people could freely live, yet people couldn’t even take care of our mother earth.
“I really liked how fascinated you are when you were watching the beautiful scenery whenever we travel, Henzy,” Hannah spoke beside me.
I stopped looking at the window since we’re near in the city and all I can see now is the light from the car who was stopped because of traffic. Ghad. Traffic will never end here in Gensan, they should put overpass so that it will somehow lessen.
“Nature makes me calm,” I said smiling. I looked at my friends now who were sleeping because of tiredness. Hindi naman kami nagtagal sa kasal pero bakit parang pagod ang mga ‘to.
“I can sense that, cause I’ve been observing you whenever we travel and how would you react when we’re in a place that more on greenery view,” Hannah softly said to me.
“Wow! Never thought that you’re observant ha,” I raised my eyebrow to mocked her.
She made a face that made me laughed causing Zenneth to woke up. “Grabe ka sa akin ha! ‘di porket hindi tayo magkasama palagi ay hindi na ako nag o-observe sa paligid ko!” Hannah ranted with her ‘mouse’ tone, which made me laughed harder.
Hannah could sometimes be a funny and serious one. Minsan niya lang naipapakita ang pagiging seryoso niya at sinira ko ang pagkakataon na ‘yon.
“Oh, I thought you were too focused on your boyfriend. Kasi palagi mo na lang kami pina pa inggit sa mga kaharutan niyo ng boyfriend mo,”I make fun of her, but instead of fighting back, she looked away trying to avoid my gaze.
My forehead creased upon seeing her actions when I mention her boyfriend's name. Did they have a problem again?
“Please. . . don’t mention him just for now,” she pleaded.
“Is there something wrong?” I asked carefully.
Tiningnan niya muna ang mga kaibigan naming at saka binaling ang tingin sa akin. “Well, he’s being a jackass recently,” walang ganang asik niya sa akin.
As far as I know hindi gagawa ng ikakasakit ni Hannah si Kendrick. They were together for almost five years since they started dating ever since highschool. Kendrick proves and made a promise to us that she will take care of Hannah and careful not to do anything that could hurt our friend.
“Did the two of you talk?” I softly asked and careful not to mention a word that could offend her.
Among us, Hannah was the sensitive one. That’s why we’re very careful about our choice of words because of her sensitiveness. Ang dali niyang ma-iyak sa isang bagay at ang dahil niya ring magalit. Upon mentioning her boyfriend earlier the mood suddenly turned into a serious one.
“No. Don’t want to talk to him right now. He’s being an ass towards me without f’cking reason!” she angrily stated.
“Since when did your relationship start being like that?” Renaissa who was driving suddenly but in.
“Last week,” she crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.
I chuckled at her reaction. “At. . . last week mo rin siya hindi kinakausap?” taas kilay tanong ko sa kaniya.
“Uhuh,” she coldly stated.
Inayos ko ang aking pang-upo at tiningnan siya ng maigi. “Look, Hannah. Communication is important when you are in a relationship. You two were committed. . . and since the day that you decided to enter his life is the day also he decided to let you in, in his life,” I voice out.
“In other words, you two need to talk to clarify the things between you okay? Sort things out and then if you two seem that you need a break, must be it.” I added.
“Exactly,” Renaissa approved.
“There are some question that bothers me because the way he treated me was not the same anymore. I feel like he has a secret that he doesn’t want me to know,” she flashed a small smile yet the smile didn’t reach her eyes.
“That’s why you need to communicate with him. Ask him a question why is he acting a jerk to you or ask what was his problem,” Renaissa said.
“That’s why some couples ruined their relationship so easily because of lack of communication when in fact they could still fix it. So, if you want to keep your relationship and if you want to save it. . . better communicate with each other, okay?” I caressed her cheeks and pinched it, which makes her smirked at me.
“Thank you.”
“No, worries. We’re here always okay? Our door is open.”
Hindi nagtagal ay nakarating na din kami sa city. Kaming dalawa na lang ni Renaissa ang nasa sasakyan ngayon dahil na una niyang ihatid ang mga kaibigan namin. It’s late in the evening already and she have decided to sleep in my apartment because she was also tired of driving.
“Aren’t you hungry?” I asked her.
“Gutom na kaya daan muna tayo sa drive through.”
“Alright.”
We’re both too tired the moment we enter my apartment. Agad kong sinalampak ang aking sarili sa sofa at pinikit ang mata. I then remember again the words of Gwyn last night.
He’s hurt. He was hurt or still hurting? Which of the two? And why do I need to comfort him when I didn’t even know the reason why he’s hurt¬—perhaps hurting?
Reeve was too mysterious for me. Palagi kaming magkasama pero hindi pa rin ako nakakakuha ng kung ano sa kaniya maliban na galing siya sa New York. I was the only one who talks about my life for him.
Not that I want him to tell me everything about his life. It's just that. . . there’s a part of me that wants to get to know him more. But then again, it seems like he was closing his doors.
“Malalim ata ‘yang iniisip mo diyan ha,” Renaissa’s voice snapped me into my senses.
Nilagay niya ang pagkaing binili sa center table at umupo kaharap ko. Kumuha ako ng fries at ‘yon ang nilantakan ko. I was craving for it. . . good think that she bought it.
“Yeah,” I uttered.
“Spill the tea.” Then she gets her own food while waiting for me to tell.
“Well, I think you already know that Christoph and Gwyn were childhood bestfriends, right?”
She nodded. “It's not just Christoph is his bestfriend, Reeve also,” ani ko sa kaniya.
“Wow! What a small world.” Renaissa couldn’t believe what I just announced because she her mouth literally opened.
“Yeah, I know right?”
“So, what’s next?”
“Remember, when I opened it up to you yesterday that I was curious about Gwyn and Reeve relationship?”
“Why? Still curious again? You already got the answer that they’re bestfriends,” nagtatakang ani niya sa akin.
“Yeah. But Gwyn wants me to do her a favor,”
“What is it,” tanong niya at isinubo ulit ang pagkain.
“Well, she wants me to comfort Reeve,” I hesitantly said.
I never keep a secret to my bestfriend. I always tell her things whether it’s embarrassing or not. Pero bakit parang nag da-dalawang isip ako na sabihin sa kaniya ang sinabi sa akin ni Gwyn kagabi.
“She what?!” Napabalikwas ako sa biglaang pag sigaw niya.
Hinampas ko siya ng unan dahil biglaang pag sigaw niya. “Your voice, Renaissa! Ang lakas-lakas! Daig mo pang mga singer na kumakanta!” saway ko sa kaniya.
“Sorry nagulat ako!”
“Kailangan talaga sumigaw? Kung may kapit-bahay tayo dito baka matagal na akong pinalayas dahil sa boses mo.”
“Malamang nagulat ako. Alangan naman iiyak ako dito dahil na gulat ko. Duhh. . . it’s obvious.”
Natawa na lang ako sa asal niya sa akin. Pero ‘di rin nagtagal ay may tanong ulit siya sa akin.
“Why would she ask you something like that?! Ano bang meron kay Kyzyr? Okay naman siya kanina sa kasal ha,” kunot noong ani niya sa akin.
“She said to me that he was ‘hurt’ that’s why I got curious again.”
“Hurt? In what aspect?” Renaissa’s question was on time because that was exactly my question to me also.
“I don’t know,” the only thing that I answered.
Merong pumapasok sa isip ko na possibleng dahilan kung bakit siya nasasaktan. Simula kung paano siya galit kay Christoph sa tuwing nagkikita sila at kung paano niyang tratuhin si Gwyn na parang prinsesa.
Was he in love. . . or still, in love with Gwyn? The questions and theories that were on my mind right now that he, could only answer it.
“So, you’re really doing her a favor?” she asked again.
“I don’t know, yet.” Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ako. . . at bigla na lang niya hihingian ng pabor. Besides, it seems that Reeve could take care of himself also. Pero meron ding parte sa akin na gusto kong sundin ang pabor niya para mas makilala ko pa si Reeve.
I am torn between the two. First, because Reeve has his own privacy and I should respect that. I should not meddle in his life before he met me. . . kasi hindi naman ako naging parte no’n.
Second, my curiosity will never let me sleep peacefully. The more questions that are running in my head the more it needed to be answered.
Monday came and four day exactly before our midterm. Kung mas busy no’ng nakaraang linggo. Hindi ko din mahagilap ang mga kaibigan ko pagkatapos ng klase para sana sabay kaming kumain.
Renaissa went to her club for a meeting kaya hindi ko siya makakasama. I ended up in our cafeteria blending in among other students. Gusto ko sanang lumbas kaso sayang na oras. ‘
Pagkatapos kong pumila at bumili ng pagkain ay naghahanap ako ng bakanteng upuan kaso halos lahat na ata ay may mga estudyanteng naka upo na. I tried finding a seat on the very corner of this cafeteria and there I saw Reeve who were eating also.
He had a headphone on his head and a laptop and books beside him. Hindi niya ata napapansin ang mga hagikhik ng mga babae sa kaniya—mostly nursing students pa. I rolled my eyes. . . ghad ngayon lang ba kayo nakakita ng gwapo?
Malapit na exam mga ineng mag focus kayo sa aralin niyo hindi sa lalaki
I looked again at Reeve and from time to time he will eat then looked at his laptop.
Sana all multitasking.
Hindi na akong nagdalawang isip pa na lumapit at agad na inilagay ang plato ko sa harap niya. I heard a scoffed from other girls yet I didn’t mind them. Swerte ko na lang dahil mag-kaklase kaming dalawa.
“Hi! Can I sit here?” tanong ko kahit na naka-upo na ako sa harap niya.
Kinuha niya ang headphone niya at tiningnan ako. “You’re already sitting.”
Wow. Sinusumpong naman ata ng ka supladohan niya. “Oh, well for formality.” I shrugged my shoulders and started eating.
Kanina pa ako nagugutom dahil hindi ako kumain ng pang-umagahan. Late na akong nagising dahil sa medical videos na pinapanood ko.
“You’re really cute when you’re eating,” Reeve spoke which made me choke on my food.
Kukunin ko na sana ang tubig ko pero Reeve immediately handed his tumblr. Bakit ba kasi nangbibigla ‘to eh. Alam na kumakain ako.
“You said this second time already. Wala bang improvement d’yan?” pambabawi ko dahi sa pambibigla niya.
He smirked, “Hmmm. . . Let’s see,” tipid niyang sagot.
“May pa ‘let see, let see’ ka pang nalalaman ha. Baka naman gusto mo na ako niyan nagiging pabebe ka lang,” panghihirit ko sa kaniya, na siya namang ikinatawa niya.
Ikinatawa. Unang pagkakataon kong nasaksihan ang tawa niya na kasama ako. I thought when he’s with me he doesn’t want to show his side. Kasi parang palaging may harang na ang hirap patumbahin. Only him could do that.
Pero ngayon isang tawa niya lang parang inu unti-unti niya ng tinitibag ang harang sa kaniya.
“You laughed,” I unconsciously said while looking at him straight in the eyes.
“Why? Bawal na ba akong tumawa ngayon?” he asked still laughing.
Iniling ko ang ulo ko, “It’s your first time laughing and that is being with me. I never saw you laugh whenever we’re together. Maybe, because there are walls in your—“
“I’m a human too, Henzy. I have emotions and I am not that cold-heartless guy that you think. I can laugh whenever I want,” he stated that made me stop on what was I am about to say.
“Naninibago lang. Minsan, ‘yong mga actions mo ang confusing.”
“Uhuh. Why would it be confusing?”
“I don’t know. . . para sa akin ang confusing lang.” Kagaya no’ng paghalik mo sa akin sa noo no’ng hinatid mo ako sa apartment.
“Hmm. . .Let just say that I found someone who I’ve been looking for almost ten years,” tinaas-taas niya pa ang kilay niya sa akin.
“Anong connect?” takang tanong ko.
“Nothing. I am just happy that I met her again.”
Then he flashed his genuine smile that made my heart skipped for a moment. His smiles were familiar. I think I saw this before. . . I just can’t remember.
“Nga pala. You and Christoph were cousins and Gwyn is also your bestfriend,” I suddenly brought up that topic.
Then his mood again went back to normal. Tsk. Henzy, you’re such a mood breaker. Ang ganda-ganda ng mood sinira mo pa.
“So you knew,” he coldly said.
“I talk with your bestfriend the other day, so I knew it already.”
“My cousin is an ass. Hitting two girls who happened to be both of you,” he said annoyingly.
Hindi na ako nagtaka kung bakit alam niya dahil minsan ko ng na-isabi sa kaniya na mag ex kaming dalawa ni Christoph.
“Galit ka pa rin hanggang ngayon sa pinsan mo?” I am trying to find the answers to one of my questions. Baka kahit dito man lang may alam ako kung bakit siya nasasaktan—or nasaktan.
“Kung ‘yon ang matatawag mo, edi ‘yon.”
“You were there on their wedding.”
“I was there for my bestfriend,” he corrected me.
“Okay. . .okay chill. Ang dali mag bago ng mood mo. ‘Yong totoo?”
“Tsk.”
“Ang sungit mo talaga no?”
“This is me and I am proud,” proud niyang sabi.
“Proud ka rin kahit na may takot sa’yo dahil sa kasungitan mo?”
“If they are afraid with me, then it’s not my fault. I am being me and I am not ashamed of what I have. I don’t need others to please me. . . I can please myself.” Ito na naman siya sa pagsusungit niya.
I like how he was confident in his self. Before others will be proud of you, you should be proud of yourself first. And before others please you, please yourself first. Self-love matters.
No one can only accept as you who are in this world. Only yourself, that is why I strongly advocate to love and respect yourself first before others. Time will come and people will come and accept your flaws the way you accept yourself.
You can never go wrong in loving yourself because at the end of the day. You will find your feet stumble upon those challenges but no one would be there for you and that’s when you realized that you had you. You had yourself, you just didn’t see because you are blinded and forgetting yourself.
“Btw, Can I ask?”
“You’re asking already,” pamimilosopo niya.
“OMG! Ang annoying mo na!” pikon na sabi ko sa kaniya.
Nagtatanong ako ng maayos tapos sasagutin ako ng pabalang!
“Isa na lang Reeve mapipikon na ako sa’yo,” pagbabanta ko sa kaniya.
“Okay, okay. Go on,”
“Have you ever fallen in love with your bestfriend?” I implored carefully.
“What?”
“Don’t make me repeat my question. Alam kong narinig mo ‘yon.”
Nakipagtitigan siya sa akin ganoon din ako sa kaniya.
Ito na naman ang puso ko na malakas ang tambol. Wherever our eyes would meet my heart will give an immediate reaction. . . which is weird. I don’t want to acknowledge this yet, not now that I need to figure out something.
Patuloy pa rin akong nakipagtitigan sa kaniya at hindi na pinapansin muna ang puso ko. His eyes were saying something but I can’t point it out. There was something on it that I am trying to figure out. His eyes were never this expressive before but now that I am looking at it—it somehow shows an emotion.
Was he? Bakit ayaw niyang sabihin sa akin?
He was the one who broke our staring moment then looked away.
“Why you can’t answer—“
“What will you do if you see the one you loved getting married in front of you?” still looking away but I can’t point out his expression. He was so good at keeping his expression and that annoys me!
Hindi ko na kailangan ng deretsong sagot niya. Clearly, he was talking about Gwyn and his cousin. He was inlove or still inlove I don’t know between the two. He’s directly telling it to me that he was. He was still inlove.
Yet my heart. Hindi ko alam kung normal lang ba ‘to. Normal lang ba na ganito ang mararamdaman ko.
I set my standards and I should follow it. No, not again. I don’t want to feel that again. Dapat ay hindi ganito ang mararamdaman ko. Kaya kung kaya ko. . . hindi ko muna aaminin sa sarili ko. Keeping it to my inner self and forget was the best option.
“If you really love that person you would choose her happiness even if it breaks you.” Hindi ko alam kung bakit nasagot ko pa siya.
Am I referring also to myself?
“Kasi kung nagmamahal ka wala kang pakialam sa ibang bagay. Basta nagmahal ka, nagmahal ka. Kahit sakit pa ang ma-idudulot sa’yo nito,” dagdag ko pa.
“Then what about our happiness?”
Your happiness, not ours.
“In love, there also consequences that you must face.”
“Parang nagmahal ka ng taong may mahal ng iba. You must face the consequence. Just like when you kill someone and the effect of your action was you—being jailed. . . In love the consequence that you must face was being hurt.”
Because the world has never been fair to you. . . so is love.
***
QW: Hello Waynes! Sorry for the late update :(( my online classes have already started and a lot of requirements that I needed to finish that’s why I can’t find the right time to write an update. But, here is now since I already compile some of it and I misses to write. Thank you for patiently waiting Waynes!
Thank you also for 5k reads and 900 followers! Without you this achievement wouldn’t matter! I love you all and always remember the meaning behind the name I gave you!
Happy Reading!