Chapter 16
He never confirms it, so I just concluded that he’s still in love with her bestfiend. Love moves mysteriously ha. Ma-iinlove ka na nga lang sa taong may mahal pang iba. But the question is. . .
Why not people can’t move on from their past? To what? To torture themselves with the pain that’s been inflicted?
“So, you mean he was in love with Gwyn?” si Renaissa, habang umiinom ng kape.
I shared it with her about what me and Christoph talk about the last time. Kailangan ko ng kaibigan na mapagsasabihan para malaman ang pananaw niya. Kasi kung ako lang, I really feel that he is still in love with his past.
I have this inside my head the way he reacts whenever he sees his cousin, the way he took care of Gwyn the last I saw them. . .and when he asked me those questions.
Because clearly if he is not in love he could’ve say no right away.
We’re here at Starbucks to chill dahil tatlong araw na lang exam na namin. Hindi niya gustong tumambay sa school dahil na pe-pressure daw siya kapag nakikita niya ang mga estudyante na walang tigil sa pag-aaral.
“It’s not ‘was’ He is still in love.” I quoted the ‘was’ to emphasize that until now he is still in love.
She chuckled, “Unbelievable. . . you just concluded without proper evidence.”
“Well, that’s what I feel. . . and my feelings never betrays me,” I told her and sipped on my coffee.
“What’s your basis, abir?” taas kilay na tanong niya sa akin at may halong ngisi pa.
“Basis? Do I need tha—?”
“Oh, don’t tell me that you just really concluded this time, Henzy.” Hindi makapaniwalang tugon niya sa akin.
“Well, yes I am. . .because it is clear that he is still in love,” giit ko sa kaniya.
“You can’t just conclude things the way you want, Henzy. You need to balance your thoughts and feeling,” she advised me.
“I am. I am balancing both of it—“
“Really? Because the way I see it, you’re not. Mas mahigit ang ‘yong nararamadaman kesa sa pag-iisip mo.”
“What? No! kasi sinabi ko diba sa’yo, na imbis na sagutin niya ako ay tinanong niya pa ako kung ano ang gagawnin ko na makita ang mahal niyang ikakasal sa iba!”
“He was just asking, Henzy. I think there is no meaning behind it.”
I scoffed, I can’t believe that she would say those words. “Then he could’ve just easily said ‘no’ instead of answering my question a question!” Bahagyang tumaas ang boses ko kaya napatingin ang mga tao sa kabilang table. I bowed my head and smiled.
“Bakit ka galit?” she teased me.
“Oh come on. I just want to hear your perspective, Renaissa. Please. I don’t need counseling today or what.” Nilapit ko ang mukha ko sa kaniya at pinagdikit ang dalawang palad–like I am begging for her and I made a paawa face.
She rolled her eyes and finished the coffee she had, “My perspective? I don’t think that he is still in love with Gwyn.”
“What? I told you already! Are you siding him now?” I smirked at her.
“What? You said that you want my perspective then that’s it. End of discussion. . .and I am not siding him, okay? I don’t judge people when I don’t get to know their sides. ‘Yong side mo lang ang narinig ko. That’s why I am being rational,” she cooly said.
“Then what does Gwyn mean when she told me that he needs comfort, huh? Wala akong ma-isip na dahilan para ma comfort siya kun’di nasasaktan pa rin siya sa past niya!” I ranted, enough for the both of us to hear.
“Why won’t you contact and ask her instead?” she suggested.
“I can’t and I will figure it out by myself. I need an answer right away.”
“It’s your choice,” she leaned on me and whispered to my ears, “but I’m pretty sure that he’s not.”
I rolled my eyes and gave him a lopsided smile, “I will find out because I am certain that he is.”
And when I say that I will find out, I will. My thoughts and curiosities will never let me sleep peacefully at night. And when I found out, I will now make my move for myself. It’s either I will keep it or I will acknowledge it.
Just when I thought that it was easy to find out. . . it’s just my thought.
“Neve, are we talking this again?” his voice was cold as a cube of ice when he told me.
“Come on! You didn’t directly answer me last time,” pangungulit ko sa kaniya. Hindi ko talaga siya tatantanan hanggang hindi niya pa sinasabi sa akin ang sagot.
“Why would I tell you, huh?” Nilagay niya sa lamesa ang librong hinahawakan niya at inayos niya ang kaniyang rimmed glasses. He then looked at me with his bored eyes.
“Because I am your friend!” I enthusiastically answered him.
“Oh, well because I don’t want to share it also,” ngisi niya at agad na ibinalik ang tingin sa libro.
“Haven’t you moved on yet, have you?”
He didn’t answer and just ignored me. He’s totally not over to her yet, because every time that I asked he will deadpan our conversation. Pala-isipan din sa akin kung paano nagsimula ang kanilang relasyong tatlo.
Why is Reeve mad at Christoph? Given the fact that’s its all about Gwyn. But why it does I feel something that it is not only the reason. I am feeling that there is more behind of it.
People do stupid choices when the heart is already involved, huh. They cannot think clearly because they were blinded by love.
And I am not going to be one of them. As much as I can I will not involve my heart in every decision that I will make. Kasi alam ko na makakasira ito sa akin.
In every decision that I will make in the future—I want it to be for myself. I don’t want to complicate things that’s why as much as I can I am guarding my own heart.
Napabuntong hininga siya. Akala ko sasagutin niya na ako, pero hindi. “I thought you’re here because you want to learn about that topic that is hard for you.” Pag-iiba niya ng aming usapan.
Right! Isa din pala sa kung bakit ko siya sinundan ay magpapaturo ako sa kaniya sa isang subject na hindi ko masyadong ma-intindihan. Aside from knowing the truth, I follow him for a double purpose.
“I don’t understand pathophysiology,” I told my concerns.
Pathophysiology is the study of pathological changes in the functions of
the body that are the causes, effects, or concomitants of the disease.
Pathophysiology studies examine biological mechanisms that are directly linked to
disease processes involving physical, emotional, or psychophysiological conditions and disorders.
There, we study the causes of diseases and the function of it in our bodies. I want him to teach me because if he is the one who teaches me the thought became simpler and easy to understand, unlike our prof. who seems that he has a deadline to pass immediately and there is no time for proofreading.
Reeve, could be also a good professor someday.
Inilapit ko ang libro ko sa kaniya at itinuro kung saan medyo complicated ang pagkaka-intindi ko.
“I know that the Hematopoietic system is the one who is responsible for the production of blood cells and is composed of pluripotent stem cells that may differentiate to form the RBC’s, WB’s, and platelets through a process.”
“My question is. . As will red blood cells will be broken down, what is the major byproducts of it—I mean the major byproducts?” Not sure of my question to him.
That part is complicated to understand for me because of our prof. didn’t explain it thoroughly to us. Or ako lang siguro ang hindi nakaka-intindi. I want to better understand this topic kaya for now. . . I will set aside first my first purpose.
Studies come first so that I can save lives more, someday.
Lumipat siya ng pwesto at tumabi sa akin. He moved the book that I was holding and he read some of the content of it. Amoy na amoy ko ang pabango niya kaya inilapit ko ang katawan ko sa kaniya at napapapikit nilalanhap ang amoy na bumabalot sa katawan niy.
Mas lalo akong walang ganang buksan ang aking mga mata dahil na rin sa dala ng simoy ng hangin dito. His scent was following the hard brushed of the air against me that’s why I really smell him.
Damn. . . magkatabi naman kami sa upuan sa classroom pero hindi ko siya na-aamoy ng ganito. I always liked the scent of Reeve for it wasn’t that strong when you already smell it. It was just mild but the scent of it will never fade on his body.
Ngayon ko lang nagustuhan ang mga amoy perfurme ng mga lalaki. Kasi palagi akong nakaka-encounter na sobrang lakas ng amoy sa punto na ayaw mo na lang amoyin dahil baka masira pa ang pang-amoy mo dahil doon. Pero kay Reeve hindi.
It’s the one thing that I liked—his scent.
Hindi ko na namalayan na matagal na pala akong nakapikit kung hindi lang siya tumikhim. I immediately went back to my senses at tumikhim din, hindi ako tumingin sa kaniya kun’di nakatingin ako sa mga sasakyan na dumadaan.
“Done smelling me?”
My eyes widen when he asked me that question. Oh ghad! Don’t tell me he caught me doing that?!
“What? No! Why would I smell you?!” I denied it and looked away. My cheeks felt warmer than the usual kaya kinapa-kapa ko ito. I felt my cheeks now were heating because of my embarrassment again. Crap, Henzy.
I swiftly move sideways, trying to fix myself. I can’t look at him with this kind of cheek for the reason that he might tease me about this. . .
Why do things get out of control in my hand whenever that I was with him? At ng medyo umaayos na ang pakiramdam ko ay derektang tinignan ko siya sa kaniyang mga mata. With those come hither eyes that show no emotion at all but every girl would flock around him kneeling in trembles. . . I wish I didn’t look.
He laughed his asses out! Naabutan ko siyang nagtitigil ng tawa dahil iniipit niya ang kaniyang mga labi para hindi matawa. . . “What?” I exhort.
“What’s funny?” I am trying not to show my embarrassment in front of him and when I am ready to face him. . . maabutan ko siyang tumatawa at nagpipigil ng tawa?!
He tilted his head upwards and suppressing his laugh before he looked at me again. “You’re really cute when you’re denying obvious things, you know?”
“I am not denying it! Hindi kita inaamoy no! Kaya napapikit lamang ako dahil masarap sa pakiramdam makalanghap ng sariwang hangin!” I denied.
There’s no way in hell that I will tell him. “If you say so.”
“Yeah if I say so because it’s the truth.” I lied.
“Just answer my question and stop teasing me. It doesn’t help.” I finally try to insert the original topic.
He nodded and then in an instant he was back at his old self again. I mentally stated in my mind that he laughed the second time around and I got to witness it. Hindi niya man napapansin pero unti-unti na niyang binubuksan ang mga nakasaradong pinto sa kaniya.
Gusto ko ako ang makakasama niya sa lahat ng ‘yon. Since the day that I laid my eye on him is the day also that he gets to enter with my life. I let him allow me to enter with my life without him knowing.
“The major byproducts of the breakdown of hemoglobin is bilirubin and the lipid-soluble form of it is called, unconjugated bilirubin or indirect reacting bilirubin it combines with plasma proteins to transport in the blood and interstitial fluids. It is removed from the blood by the liver and conjugated to form a water-soluble form,” he explained.
The whole time we study and explains the things that I didn’t get to understand. He explained every bit of it—detailed one and he makes sure that I get to understand it. Hindi siya aalis sa isang topic kapag alam niyang hindi ko na-iintindihan.
“Now, it’s my time to ask a question to really make sure that you have gained something,” he sounded serious.
His voice makes me tremble. Medyo nanginginig ang mga kamay ko at pinagpapawisan. I am hiding my hands under the table for him not to see it. Baka pagtawanan na naman niya ako nito. I am never been this nervous when I am with him. . . ngayon lang.
And I don’t know why I am feeling this way. Maybe because he sounded so serious now than his normal state or I am just nervous for nothing. I don’t know between the two.
“Relax, I am not eating you.” That made me stop for a while.
“Excuse me?” I turned to see him and he was just taking some notes and questions.
“Looks like you’re going to be eaten by some wolves.”
“Para ka kasing wolves din. Tipong lalapit pa lang takot na agad sa’yo,” I fired back.
Akala mo ha. Marunong din ako makisama, mister.
“Am I? must be good then, since you’re feeling nervous and afraid at the same time.” He stopped writing now and looked at me straight to my eyes.
I grinned, “I am not afraid, come on show what you’ve got on,” panghahamon ko pa.
Nagulat ako sa bigla niyang paglapit sa akin na halos magka-dikit na an gaming mga noo. Medyo napa-usog ako sa aking upuan dahil sa biglang galaw niya. Hinapit niya ang aking bewang at mas lalong inilapit ang aming katawan.
We were never this close. . .ngayon lang. My heart is beating loudly for this sudden movement. I silently prayed that he would never hear it. . .kasi pangalawang beses na naman ‘to na mapapahiya ako.
“Be ready,” he leered and went back to his position.
Magtatanong lang siya bakit may pa ganoon pa! Ghad! He’s making me a fool in front of him!
“Two types of sleep apnea,” his cold voice made me back to reality.
Tumikhim ako at sinagot siya, “ The two types are obstructive opnea and central apnea. Obstructive is caused by upper airway obstruction and it is characterized by snoring, disrupted sleep and excessive daytime sleepiness, and central was caused by disorders affecting the respiratory center in the brain, which is rare cause.”
Ako pa ang hinahamon niya ah. I am competitive when it comes to academics. Pero hindi naman ‘yong masyadong oa, to the point na lahat na lang kakalabanin mo.
He nodded once then he proceeds again to another question. ‘Yon lang? Hindi niya man lang ako e co-compliment dahil naka sagot ako?
“Grabe, nakasagot ako pero hindi mo man lang ako binate,” reklamo ko sa kaniya.
“It’s not needed,” he casually said.
Hinampas ko ang braso niya kaya napadaing siya at tinignan ako ng masama, “You heartless freak!”
Inilangan niya lang ako at tinoon ulit ang pansin sa kaniyang papel. Unbelievable! Tama naman ‘yong sagot ko ah! I deserve to be complimented!
Bakit ba ang hirap amuhin ng wolf na ‘to!
“You’re a wolf,” I unconsciously uttered.
He snickers, “You’re my prey.”
“I will never be your prey cause I will be the one to tame you,” ngisi ko sa kaniya.
“Wolves can never be tame,” siguradong usal niya sa akin.
This time ako naman ang magpapa kaba sa’yo. I leaned closer to him and hold his chin. My eyes have its own will because right now it was seductive. I licked my lower lip and said to him, “This time it will be tame. I will the first one to tame that wolf,” and winked at him.
And I laughed so hard on his reaction! He was red as tomatoes and he was breathing heavily. He looked away to me busied himself again. Buong mukha niya ay namumula umabot na rin sa leeg at sa tainga niya.
He was smitten by me, huh. “Ba’t pulang-pula ang mukha mo?” pang-aasar ko sa kaniya.
Hindi ko aakalain na ma-aapektuhan siya simpleng galawan ko na ‘yon. I just tried and it goes well. May pang blockmail na naman ako sa kaniya.
“No, it’s not,” he denied.
“Alam mo. You’re cute when you’re denying obvious things,” pang-uulit ko sa sinabi niya sa akin kanina. Ano ngayon Reeve. Balik sa’yo ang pang-aasar mo sa akin kanina.
“Am gonna asked you last questions and will end it after,” he suddenly stated.
I am still smiling like an idiot and I don’t care kung ano ang iispin niya sa akin. At least naasar ko siya.
“Signs and Symptoms of Sleep Apnea.”
Inayos ko ang aking sarili at ang aking buhok na nakatali ay nilugay ko. I put it sideways and smiled seductively to him. Nakita ko naman na napalunok siya dahil ang kaniyang adams apple ay gumagalaw.
I innerly smiled. Tumatalab din pala ang ganda ko sa’yo ha.
“Noisy snoring, Insomnia, Abnormal movements during sleep, Morning headaches, Sysytemic hypertension, Polycythemia. Those are the signs and symptoms,” I confidently answered him.
Napatano-tango siya, “Good.” He started fixing his things.
“You’re not gonna tell me the answer to my question last time?” I asked for the last time hoping that I could get an answer.
“Why are you so eager to know it, Neve?”
That caught me off guard. Bakit nga ba Henzy? Bakit ko ba gustong-gustong malaman ang totoo? Ni hindi naman ako naging parte ng buhay nila no’n. I am just merely the girl he saw me right now and I was never part of his past.
Maybe because there’s a part of me that hoping. . .hoping that he would say—no. Kasi isa na lang at baka aaminin ko na ‘to sa sarili ko. I am guarding my own heart and I am aware of that.
“I understand if you’re not gonna tell me,” I smiled at him to assure him.
I can never force him to answer my questions. Mas maigi na lang siguro na hindi ko na lang malaman at itago niya na lang sa sarili niya. Kasi baka ako rin mismo hindi magiging handa sa sagot niya.
I am guarding my own heart for a long time and I am doing okay. Hindi ko gustong masira ito ng dahil sa sagot na hindi naman ako sigurado.
“There are questions in life that it doesn’t need an answer and if it has—it was better to just keep it to yourself. Cause that answer might hurt someone,” then he left, making me confused even more.