CHAPTER5
I didn’t bother saying thank you to him, I quickly stormed out on his car and went inside feeling how my heart raced for him. It was just a simple statement yet the reaction of my heart it just so weird. . . literally weird.
And so was he. He’s also weird to say those things.
Hindi din nagtagal ay bumalik na rin sa normal ang tibok ng puso ko. Huminga ako ng malalim at agad na dumeretso sa kusina.
I peel some avocados to partner with pringles that I bought. After that pumunta na ako sa mga kaibigan ko na nanonood pa rin.
I put the avocado and pringles in the center table. Iyan yung paborito naming gawin kapag may pringles kami. We dip the pringles on avocado and it tastes good actually.
My mother introduces the pringles and avocado thingy to me. Since I am a daughter who likes to eat junkfoods, she finds a way on how I can eat junkfoods with fruit–and it was the avocado.
No’ng una, hindi ko gusto kung bakit i-di-dip ang avocado sa pringles kung pwede ko lang naman kainin ang pringles mag-isa without the avocado one. But my mom keeps on insisting to try eating eat and I realized that it was good. Kaya pinakain ko rin sa mga kaibigan ko.
We were to focus on watching Dr. Romantic 2 when Zenneth sits beside me and whispered, "I saw you. May humatid sayo dito."
"It's Reeve,” I simply stated. I am to focus on watching this one. I have no strength to explain to her kung bakit si Reeve ang naghatid sa akin dito.
Precisely it was partly her fault. Minay- day niya yung nagsusuka ako, kaya nakita niya. Well, ako rin naman.
“Let me guess. . .hmmm,” she was smirking at me–more like teasing me, kung sino ba talaga ang naghatid sa akin dito.
“It’s the man you’ve got a drunk chat, right?” And now she’s teasing me.
“Well, thanks to you. I’ve got to encounter him again,” I fired back.
“Ayaw mo no’n, nakakasama mo siya,” she casually said, and eat.
“Thank you, Zenneth,” I gave her a cocky smile.
“No worries. Marami pa ‘yan sa susunod.”
“Wala ng susunod,” I said.
I look through the window and witness how the night was gloomy. It was lonely for there were no stars were shining brightly at the sky. The trees were dancing following the rhythm of the wind.
The night was lonely and I don’t like it. It was better if there were stars because it gives light and hopes. Lonely people tend to isolate themselves in the dark.
But, watching how the stars give light to us, I wish it would also bring hope to them. That no matter how much you’ve been through there will be the one to give you light and hope. Just like how the stars bring lights at night.
I looked at my friends who were too focused on watching. Hindi na naman umuulan sa labas at gabi na. Wala ba silang balak umuwi?
"Hoy! Hindi pa ba kayo uuwi?" I asked. It seems like they're enjoying being here that they forgot they have their own house.
"I just told Mommy earlier that I will be staying here until tomorrow," Althea spoke while she gets some chips and dips it into the avocado.
“Sure? You really asked their permission?” paninigurado ko sa kaniya. Knowing her, sometimes she just wanted to escape to her mom. Na u-umay na raw kasi siya sa pang be-baby sa kaniya do’n.
“Oo naman! Ano talaga akala mo sa akin, tatakas ng basta-basta?!”she glared.
“We’ll never know,” I unconsciously stated what’s on my mind.
“Nagpa-alam ako promise,” sabay irap sa akin at itinoon ang atensiyon sa panonood.
Tumango na lang ako bilang sang-ayon sa kaniya para naman may kasama ako. Sometimes, I felt lonely here but it’s okay, I chose to be independent.
I even have a younger sister and elder sister. My elder sister migrates to the US after she builds her own family. My younger sister is in the province with my parents, and here I am alone in this place.
Sometimes they came to visit me here but they are too busy because of our hospital there.
I know that they miss me also because everytime that they would visit me, they would always tell me to come home. May driver naman daw na maghahatid-sundo sa akin.
And I refused. I want to be independent and stand on my own. Besides, hindi na lang palagi aasa ako sa driver namin. He has his own family too. Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon maayos ang kalusugan niya.
He’s also growing old and it much better if he wouldn’t travel so far. Mas mabuti na do’n siya sa lugar naming mag trabaho at sila mama na lang ang pagsilbihan niya.
Yes, both of my parents were doctors. That is one of the reasons also why I wanted to pursue medicine after I graduated.
They agreed to build a hospital in that province so that it would be a help to those people who can't go to the town. Para mag pa check-up or what. Building a hospital there would be better for those people who were living there.
At first, it was just a small clinic and then years after naging hospital na talaga siya with complete medical facilities and staff. Sa aming tatlo si ate ang naka-abot no’ng mga panahon na small clinic pa lang siya.
The day when I was born, medyo lumalaki at lumalago na. Swerte ko dahil kahit papaano pinanganak akong may kaya. Pero hindi kami kagaya sa iba na madamot at hangol sa pera.
Kung anong meron kami ay binabahagi rin naming sa iba. My family started with nothing and they know how it feels. Then there’s one thing that I would never forget.
Learn to appreciate things that have been given to you, even if it is big or small. Don’t be greedy, learn how to share what you have with others–especially the needed ones. Then, by that simple action, you made them happy and you made yourself happy and satisfying
My parents told me that. That is why up until now, I always bring that wherever I go. That simple statement has already a big meaning to me and it will forever be engraved in my heart.
Wala na atang balak umuwi ang mga kaibigan ko dahil malapit ng mag gabi hindi pa rin sila nababahala. I stood up and went to the kitchen to cook food for us. Last two episodes na lang ‘yong pinapanood namin kaya tutok na tutok sila.
Kasalukuyan kaming kumakain ng dinner ngayon. Alas sais na ng gabi nang matapos sila sa panonood ng Dr. Romantic 2. We were talking about what will be our plans in the future.
"I'm gonna take board exam first and then work for one year, after that, I will proceed to medical school," I answered when they asked me about my plan in the future.
That’s my first plan yet it was just a plan. We’ll never what will happen to us in the future.
"Sabagay hindi naman mahirap sayo maka hanap ng trabaho kasi may hospital na nag hihintay sayo," Hannah suddenly said to me.
"I really don't have a plan on working there, I wanted to find a place na walang nakaka kilala sa akin. I don't want any special treatment. But my mom keeps on bugging me na doon na lang daw ako mag trabaho or mag OJT." I just don't want the staff there to treat me special. Pari-parihas lang naman kami na aalagaan ang mga pasyente.
"Why won't you want in there? You can just tell tita about it. Na hayaan kang normal gawin ang trabaho mo," ani ni Renaissa habang kumukuha pa ng pagkain.
I stopped eating and look at them. They were all busy eating their foods and I spoke up.
"Aminin man natin sa hindi may special treatment talagang mangyayari do’n. And you do you know how much I hate being treated specially. I want to be fair. Fair for me and the medical workers there,” I described my thoughts.
“Sabagay, tama ka naman. Hindi rin naman minsan ma-iiwasan na gano’n ang mga mangyayari. Imagine, anak ka ng may-ari,” Althea agreed on my statement.
“At baka malay n’yo. . . sa kaka-explore ko sa mundo mahahanap ko talaga ‘yong the one ko,” nakangiting saad ko sa kanila na may halong biro.
“Baka nga nasa harap mo na,” Renaissa teased.
“Aba, kung ganoon dapat magpakita na siya agad. Baka mapagod na ako sa kahihintay sa kaniya,” biro ko.
“’Wag atat, Henzy. Baka jugjugs ‘yong puso mo ulit. Hirap pa naman ayusin niyan,” Althea humorously stated that made all the group laughed.
Lahat kami ay gusto maging doctor,Zenneth and Hannah were planning to proceed in med school after our graduation.
Ako, si Renaissa at Althea ay gustuhin munang mag trabaho sa kursong kinuha namin ngayon.
My mom certainly telling me to proceed to med school immediately. Pero ang gusto ko pa ay maranasan yung kursong kinuha ko. I just want to be a nurse first, before I'll study again.
I open ny phone to check some messages with my fam. My dad and mom asking me if kamusta na raw ako dito. Snabihan ko naman silang okay lang ako dito at nandito ang nga kaibigan ko.
I was scrolling on my facebook timeline when Reeve's name immediately pops out on my notifications. He only posted on his story saying,
"I miss you"
Does he have a girlfriend or someone that special to him?
I feel a little curious about his life even when no need. I barely know him, but why do I feel this way? Like, I knew him for some reason. Ngayon ko lang din na-isip na ‘yong mga mata niya. . . parang nakita ko na no’n.
Hindi ko lang maalala kung saan at kailangan. Did I know him? Did we meet already?
My thoughts suddenly screwed up when Renaissa entered the room and quickly went to me. Naka pajamas at sleeveless na siya at kaniyang buhok ay naka messy bun style leaving some of the strands of her hair in her face.
I looked at his body figure and her face. Pain do really changes people huh. She has never been a body-conscious before. She has this proud face walking around without minding what would other people say to her. Not until one day everything changes.
Actually when we were in high school, medyo mataba si Renaissa. Not until everything around her hurt her to the point that everything turn up-side-down with her. Why can’t just people live peacefully without body shaming others?
Does that make them proud as a human being? Bullying, body-shaming, or whatever you called it— makes you proud? Nasisiyahan ba sila na may nasisirang tao dahil sa kanila?
"What are you thinking?"she asked as she went closer to me and let her hair flow naturally. Tinanggal niya ang tali sa kaniyang buhok.
I smiled at her, "I miss your old body."
She stopped what she’s about to do and glared at me, "You know, I don't miss it. Kung babalikan ko 'yon, bumabalik ang mga alaala na kailangan na dapat limutin."
"Wala na ba talaga siya diyan sa puso mo?" pang-aasar ko sa kaniya. Minsan ang sarap asarin ni Renaissa eh. Nakikita ko 'yong pikon na side niya.
Minsan ko lang asarin to kasi, pag siya nang asar pabalik. Naku! Hinding- hindi ka niya tatantanan.
"Eh, ikaw? Nakalimutan mo ba siya diyan sa puso mo?" makahulugang titig niya sa akin. Kita mo to, ako ang nagtatanong pero tinanong ako ulit pabalik.
"Ako ang unang nagtanong, kaya dapat sagutin mo," I teased at her. My eyes narrowed waiting for an answer.
"It happens in the past, and what occurs in the past should be forgotten and never be exist here in the present," seryosong pagkakasabi niya sa akin. Na para bang kinalimutan niya na talaga ang nangyari noon.
But, sometimes you can't forget what happens in the past, lalo na kung may mga sagot pa na dapat mong malaman.
It doesn't mean it happened in the past you need to forget and live with the present. There was some unanswered question that needs an answer for us to live without regrets.
"Now, time to answer my question young lady," she said and made me face her. I looked at her in the eyes.
"I forget about him, but sometimes some questions were revolving in my head that needs to be answered. Only him can answer it," I almost whisper the last sentence.
I immediately looked away at her. I don’t want her to think that I still haven’t moved on—when the truth is, I am. I already moved on from the past.
It's the truth. I forget him already, I moved on, but I couldn't help to question myself. Why'd he do that?
She smirked at me and trying to find what’s running on my head. “You can forget the people who hurt you unless you have an amnesia.”
“What he did. I already moved on from what he did,” pagkakaklaro ko sa kaniya.
"You will find your own happiness someday,Henzy." At lumabas na siya sa kwarto ko para daluhan ang mga kaibigan namin sa baba na hanggang ngayon nanonood pa rin.
I am not depriving myself of being happy. It just that everytime that I would be happy there will be a consequence that’s been waiting for me.
Mabuti na lang at tapos na ako sa mga kailangang gawin ngayon. At hindi na ako na pe-pressure katulad na lang ng katabi ko dito. Kanina pa aligaga sa mga assignment na hindi niya pala na gawa.
"Akala ko ba tapos mo na gawin 'yang mga assignment natin? Bago kayo pumunta sa apartment?" Tinutulungan ko siya ngayon gawin 'yong isa sa mga pinapagawa sa amin. It's all about Pharmacology na subject. Ito pa naman 'yomg pinakahihirapan niya sa lahat.
"Sorry na, nakalimutan ko na isali ito. Masyado akong na libang sa iba kaya naka limutan ko," usal niya. Dali dali naman niyang sinusulat ito kasi malapit na mag time.
"You know what? You need to have a daily reminder para magawa mo 'yong kailangan gawin," I reprimanded.
Makakalimutin talaga tong babaita na ito. Mabuti na lang at tinext ko siya kanina if nagawa niya lahat ng mga kailangang gawin.
Then ito na abutan ko sa classroom. Nagpa-panic sa paggawa. Himala talaga at na una siya dito.
“I will, sa susunod.” Hindi ko alam if totoo ba talagang gagawin niya or sinasagot niya lang ako dahil sa pag papanic niya.
Agad akong napalingon sa likod ko ng may naramdaman akong nakatayo. Nabangga ako sa matigas at matipuno niyang dibdib. I sniffed when I smell his perfume.
Napa-angat ako ng tingin at nakita ko si Reeve na matalim na nakatingin sa akin. I avoided his gaze and went back to Renaissa to help her. What the hell Henzy? Nabangga ka lang natameme ka na.
Pagkatpos ko siyang tulungan ay umupo na ako sa tabi niya.
"Hi, Reeve!" Pilit akong ngumiti at hindi pinahalata sa kaniya na kinakabahan ako.
He just glanced at me with his annoyed face. Ano na naman problema nito? Parang no'ng nakaraang araw may pahatid pa tas ngayon ang sungit na.
"Nireregla ka ba?" bulong ko sa kaniya para hindi marinig ni Renaissa.
"What?" His brows were crinkled of what I said. Hindi makapaniwalang tinanong ko siya ng ganoon.
"Bingi ka ba? Gusto mo isigaw ko dito 'yong tinanong ko?" pang-aasar ko sa kaniya, na mas lalo pa ang pagka-irita niya sa akin.
"Shut up,"seryosong pagkakasabi niya. Ito naman hindi mabiro eh. Napaka seryoso.
"Daig mo pa ang babae na ni reregla alam mo 'yon?"
"Ang sungit. Parang no'ng isang araw may pahatid-hatid pa na nalalaman, tas pabigay- bigay ng hangover medicine. Tapos ngayon hindi na namamansin. Galing!" pagpaparinig ko sa kaniya habang may sinusulat sa notebook.
I am trying to strike a conversation between us to but he seems not in the mood today.
Pagkalingon ko sa kaniya, may nakasalampak na na earphone sa kaniyang tainga. Nakatuob na rin ito sa desk niya. He is not in the mood nga.
Pagkatapos ng klase namin dali dali kong niligpit ang gamit ko. Renaissa is waiting for me para pumunta sa tambayan namin at doon kakain. Since matagal pa bago ang klase ko sa hapon.
Napakunot ang noo ko dahil nakita ko si Reeve na lumabas na. Saan kaya siya tumatambay? I looked at Renaissa who is waiting for me.
"Ma una ka na doon. May pupuntahan lang ako. 'Wag niyo na akong hintayin," nagmamadali na sabi ko sa kaniya at agad na sinundan si Reeve.
Narinig ko pa na may sinasabi siya, hindi na ako nag abala pang lingunin at agad na sinundan si Reeve kung saan siya pumunta.
Pagkalabas ko ng classroom hindi ko na siya nakita. Pumunta ako sa canteen nagbabasakaling nandoon siya para kumain, pero hindi ko siya nakita.
Nang hindi ko siya nakita sa canteen agad akong nag tungo sa gym. Pumasok ako sa loob and it disappoints me when I didn’t saw what him. . . mga engineering student lang ang nakita ko. May kumaway pa nga sa akin marahil na kilala nila ako. Nginitian ko lang sila bilang tugon.
Saan ko kaya 'yon hahanapin? Babalik na sana ako sa mga kaibigan ko ng may na alala ako. So stupid of you not to remember that Henzy.
Nagtungo ako sa malawak na field dito at may nakita akong mangilan-ngilan na mga estudyante na naglalaro ng soccer, kahit tirik ang araw.
Nilibot ko ang aking mata para makita ang hinahanap ko. At hindi ako nabigo. I saw Reeve walking upstairs sa grandstand. Nilagay niya ang bag sa gilid at humiga ito.
Hindi ba kakain ang lalaking to? Agad akong pumunta at umakyat doon. Hindi niya pa yata napansin ang presenya ko na pa-akyat patungo sa kaniya.
"Alam mo bang bawal matulog kapag walang laman ang tiyan mo," pambungad ko sa kaniya.
Bumangon siya at inis na binalingan ako. Kanina pa to na iinis sa akin ha .
"Why are you here?" May diing sabi nito sa akin. Na para bang bawal ako pumunta dito.
"Sinundan kita dito malamang. At dito rin naman tambayan ko ha," I said at agad na nilabas ang baon kong kanin at ulam.
Tinatamad kasi akong pumila sa canteen at bumili ng gusto ko kaya na isipan ko mag baon na lang.
"Kain tayo." Pang-aya ko sa kaniya at nilapag ang baunan para share kami.
Agad ko siyang inabutan ng plastic gloves para sa kamay niya. Hindi kasi ako nagdadala ng kutsara't tinidor. Gusto ko itong plastic gloves para deretso tapon.
"No, thanks," pagtatangi nito sa akin at bumalik sa pagkakahiga niya.
Lumapit ako sa kaniya at kinuha ang dalawang kamay niya at hinila siya. Pinipilit na kumain. Inis na binalingan niya ako at siya na mismo ang kusang bumangon.
"You're damn annoying, you know?" At inis na kinuha ang plastic gloves. Agad niya naman itong sinuot naka busangot pa ang mukha.
"What? I'm just concerned friend of your's," usal ako.
"Well, I don't need your concern."
"OA mo ha. Mag aalaga ka ng pasyente sa susunod pero mismo sarili mo hindi mo ma alagaan." Concerned lang naman ako at gusto ko rin na kumain siya no. Mahimatay pa siya dito, konsensiya ko pa.
“Tsk,” he response.
Pinatitigan ko siya habang kumakain. His almond eyes, makakapal niyang kilay na para bang nilagyan ng make up dahil naka ayos ito pero kung titigan mo sa malapitan ay natural lang ito. Matatangos niyang ilong tsaka maninipis at tila parang rosas niyang mga labi.
I frowned when I a memory flashed on my mind. He resembles someone I know. Para talaga silang magkamukha pero hindi ko mawari kung saang parte ng mukha nila.
"Stop staring." Agad akong napa iwas ng tingin, hindi ko namalayan na napatitig na pala ako sa kaniya.
"Hindi ah. May tinitignan lang ako," pagtatanggi ko at sinubo ang kinakain ko.
He smirked. Hindi maka paniwala sa alibi ko sa kaniya. Ang tanga naman kasi Henzy. Bakit ka napapatitig? My ghad!
I suddenly remember his ‘My Day.’
I don’t know what’s into me that everytime I get curious of something dapat kailangan din masagutan agad.
"Reeve," I called. Binalingan ko siya at seryoso siyang nakatingin sa akin.
"Why do you always call me on my second name huh?" He seriously mumbled at me.
"Why? Is there a problem calling you on your second name?" I asked back at iniwas ang tingin sa kaniya. Nakakatakot na siyang tingnan eh. Seryosong-seryoso ang mukha.
"I don't like someone calling me on my second name." Seryosong saad nito sa akin, at deretso akong tiningnan sa mata.
Naiilang ako sa paraan ng pagtitig niya sa akin kaya ako na ang kusang nag-iwas ng tingin. Nararamdaman ko naman ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko, na tila ito'y sasabog ano mang oras.
Nararamdaman ko pa rin ang mga titig nito sa akin.
"A-Ayaw mo no'n I'm Neve and you're Reeve. Mga pangalan natin ay magkatugma na para bang tayo'y pinagtagpo ng tadhana," pangbabanat ko para mabawasan ang kung ano mang kabang nararamdaman ko.
Napabaling ako sa kaniya at nakita ko ang pagpipigil niya ng tawa dahil sa sinabi ko.
Nakaramdam naman ako ng inis sa hindi malamang rason kung bakit siya nagpipigil ng tawa.
"Anong problema mo," nakakunot at inis na tanong ko sa kaniya.
Kung kanina nagpipigil lang siya ng tawa ngayon naman ay tawang-tawa na. Ang lakas din ng trip ng isa to. Kanina ang sungit ngayon tawang-tawa na.
"I didn't know that you're corny." Tawang-tawa nitong sabi sa akin.
Pinaningkitan ko naman siya ng mata. "You know? I didn't know also that you're so moody. Daig mo pang babae nagkaroon," pang-iinis ko sa kaniya.
"Fine Neve." Damn. The way he calls my second name made my heart beat so fast. Bago sa pandinig ko iyon. Dahil hindi ako nagpapa tawag ng second name kahit kanino.
Pero kay Reeve. Ang pagtawag niya sa pangalan ko ay masarap sa pandinig.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" I suddenly asked out of nowhere. Kung kanina ay natatawa siya ngayon naman seryoso na ang mukha niya.
"No," mariing sabi nito. Wala siyang girlfriend? E anong ibig sabihin no'ng sa my day niya? Napa 'I miss you'
Sinusundot-sundot ko ang tagiliran niya, "Weh? May pa I miss you ka pang nalalaman sa my day mo eh. Kung wala kang girlfriend e para kanino 'yon?"
"Hindi ko alam na chismosa ka pala." Napaawang ang labi ko dahil sa walang prenong pagkakasabi niya.
"Hoy! Grabe ka ha. Paano ako naging chismosa kung nakita ko ang my day mo ha?" Hinampas ko siya sa braso at pinaningkitan ng mata.
"I don't have girlfriend. It was for someone."