CHAPTER 8
Pagkatapos ko siyang iwan doon agad akong nagtungo sa comfort room to fix myself. I watched myself in the mirror, halatang umiyak ako at namumula pa ito.
Mabuti na lang at napigilan ko ang sarili ko at hindi ako sumabog ng sobra-sobra. Ayaw kong malaman ni Renaissa na umiyak na naman ako dahil sa kaniya at hindi ko pa nasasabi sa kanila na nagkita na kami ni Christoph.
Christoph was my boyfriend three years ago. He courted me when I was still Grade 11 senior high, isang taon niya akong niligawan at sinagot ko siya noong nakatungtong na ako ng Grade 12 my final year as Senior High School student.
He was second year college at that time when I say my precious 'yes' to him.
Nagkita kami no'ng nanonood ako ng volleyball women's sa volleyball court to support my friend, Althea. The ball accidentally glide to us where we are sitting and watching because we are near to where they are playing.
Sisigaw na sana ako dahil handa na akong matamaan ng bola ng makaramdam ako na may matigas at matipunong braso ang humapit sa akin katawan. At agad na napangiwi ito nang tumama ang bola s kaniya.
Siya ang natamaan ng bola at hindi ako. Doon na rin nag simula ang lahat.
"Are you okay?" A man who hugged me asked with his concern eyes.
Pinakatitigan ko ang kaniyang maamong mukha, his deep hazel brown eyes na tila nanghihinoptismo kapag ito'y titigan mo ng maigi.
Ang kaniyang ilong na tama-tama lang ang pagka tangos, hindi gaano ka taas at hindi gaano ka pango. His thin lips that are so red like every girls would want to kiss to, his hair ang kaniyang itim na itim, straight at bagsak na buhok ay mas lalong nagpapa gwapo sa kaniya.
He has bangs na matatakpan ang kaniyang noo pero meron itong kaunting hati sa kaliwang bahagi nito. Para siyang isang artista sa korea na kinahuhumalingan ng mga babae.
I blinked my eyes twice only to find out that I am staring at his face so long. Nakarinig na rin ako ng mga hagikhikan ng mga babae dahil sa posisyon namin ngayon.
Dahil sa gulat na ginawa niya sa akin ay na sungitan ko siya, "Bakit ka biglang nangyayakap?!"
I know I should be thankful because instead of me siya ang natamaan ng bola. Pero ang kaniyang ginawang biglang pagyakap sa akin ay hindi maka tarungan.
Heck! I don't even know who's this man is.
Nakita ko ang gulat sa kaniyang mga mata dahil sa pag sigaw ko. Anong akala niya? Matutuwa ako?
"Look, Ms. I'm sorry if I did that, nag panic lang ako kasi matatamaan ka na ng bola," he stated with his concern eyes.
Iba siya, iba siya sa lahat ng nanliligaw sa akin dati. Kasi lahat ginagawa niya sa akin, hindi siya nagsasawang hintayin ako, he was patient to me until I finally said my precious 'yes'.
I was his priority at that time, he never failed to amaze me.
Siya lang rin ang nakakatitiis ng pagbabago ng mood ko minsan. He is always there for me. Supportado niya ako sa lahat ng ginagawa ko. He was never strict to me even no'ng naging kami na.
He still as amazing as it is.
I am always feel loved whenever I am with him. He never made me feel worthless, through my up's and down, even wmy issue with myself he was there to helped me. He helped me to overcome it, he was there to lift me up.
But fate has really its own way to destroy us. Our love was tested when he finally introduced me to his family as his official girlfriend.
His family never liked me the first time I step my feet in their house, I could still feel it how they are looking at me like they are ready to throw daggers in me.
"Mom,Dad this is my girlfriend, Henzy." Pagpakilala ni Christoph sa akin sa kaniyang mga magulang.
Nandito kami ngayon sa mansyon nila Christoph. He said that he wants me to introduced to his family as his girlfriend as a sign of formality.
Sa unang pagpasok mo dito ang mapapansin mo ay ang malawak na hallway na pinaghalong white at brown. Sa gilid nito makikita mo ang garden na napaka lawak. Masarap sa matang tingnan dahil sa mga damong kulay green at iba't ibang klase ng mga bulaklak na mas nag papaganda pa sa bahay na ito.
The design of their house was glass wall. Kita mo sa loob kung gaano ka ganda ang mga interior designs at ka lawak ang kanilang sala.
When you enter the first thing you will see is their huge living room. It has double height ceilings that create an open gallery like atmosphere.
The floor-to-ceiling glass wall that is surrounding to the living room. The wall itself provide a backdrop for statue and frames.
Napakilala ko na kasi kila Mom and Dad kaya gusto niya ring ipakilala niya ako. They approved my relationship with Christoph as long as we know our priorites and limitations.
Kinakabahang ngumiti ako sa kanila kasi nakakatakot ang aura nila.
His mom wearing a red sequins long night dress and her hair is a bit curl downwards. Bumagay din ang light make up sa kaniyang mukha na siyang nag papa highlight ng mga features nito.
His dad is a total carbon copy of Christoph. They have the same features. His dad eyes are like the eyes of their son a deep set hazel brown eyes.
The only thing that could make them difference is that his dad has a more pointed nose and a define jawline that made him so handsome even when he aged.
We started eating the maids cook different kinds of dish and served in the dining table.
I can't eat in peace I am still nervous and hindi pa nakaka pag adjust. Christoph introduce e me earlier and I get no compliment.
"So, how's your relationship with Gwyn so far Christoph? Is there any progress?" His mom asked in a cold stern voice.
Christoph look at me with his eyes saying sorry. I smiled at him making sure I'm okay.
Even when I'm not.
"We're fine mom." Christoph answered with no interest. He grabbed my hand under the table and holds it making sure that I am okay.
"Care to elaborate that's fine honey? You know Gwyn's family has the same business with us and you know that I want you for her."
Parang sinaksak ako sa dibdib nang narinig ko ang gustong ipahiwatig ng kaniyang ina.
I am not dumb to notice kung ano ang gusto niya para sa kaniyang anak.
Christoph once told me about it that they want Gwyn for him to merge their business but he made me assure that he will fight our relationship.
How I feel insecured whenever they talk about Gwyn even when I am infront of them together with their son. They really never wanted me to be part of their family.
Christopher's family owns various hotels here in General Santos since Christoph was the only son siya ang magmamana ng lahat na 'yon. Her mom and dad expecting him to marry someone as powerful as they are to merge their company.
When they know my family background they never want me to be part of their family. They want Christoph to marry Gwyn, our friend.
Even my heart is young I know what I truly feels towards him. I am willing to fight for him no matter what happens. Not until the painful day came in to my life.
"Ayos ka lang?" Nag alalang tanong ni Renaissa sa akin. Hindi ko man lang napansin na nakatulala na pala ako sa kawalan.
I turned at her and smiled to cover up what I feel inside, "Yeah. I'm fine"
Her forehead creased, not sure if I am saying the truth. I hope she didn't notice that my eyes were red from crying.
I am not in the mood the whole class it's a good thing that I still managed to answer our quiz before we end. I grabbed my books and my bag and stormed out in the classroom after I bid my goodbye to Renaissa.
I am staring at the ceiling trying to remember what happened before our relationship ended.
All I know was before that thing happens we were happy. Iyong saya ba na 'yon ay kapalit na masaktan ako ng todo?
Sana pala hindi na lang ako naging masaya noon. Masyado akong nagpadala sa aking damdamin at hindi inaakala na lahat ay may kapalit.
Nakalimutan ko lahat pala ng ginagawa dito sa mundo ay may kapalit. It is either good or worse. In my case, the worst was given to me.
I heard someone knocked on my door. Walang doorbell dito dahil hindi ako sa condo nakatira. I don't like living in a condo unit that were far from our school, even mom and dad insisted my decision still win. Tinatamad din akong mag commute or mag drive kaya dito ang pinili ko.
I stormed out on my beed and went to my door to check who is coming. But before I open the door I asked first kung sino siya. Baka magnanakaw or mamatay tao ang nakapasok dito.
"Who is this?" I asked in front of my door holding the doorknob.
"It's me Renaissa." My best friend replied.
Binuksan ko ang pintuan at nakita si Renaissa na nakatayo. Naka suot ito ng pink lose shirt at maong shorts naka tsinelas lang din ito. May tote bag na naka sakbit sa kaniyang kanang kamay.
Pinasadahan ko rin ng tingin ang kaniyang kaliwang kamay ma may bitbit na plastic. Mga pagkain at canned beer ang nandoon. Kinuha ko sa kaniya iyong plastic at pinapasok na sa apartment ko.
"Anong oras na ba't pumunta ka pa rito? Nilagay ko ang kaniyang pinamili sa dining table. There are some piattos and six can of canned beer.
Renaissa put her bag on the sofa. Nakatango ito sa kisame spreading her arms wide on the sofa.
"I am concerned about you," she seriously stated at me while she is still looking at the ceiling.
I smiled. She really knows me more than myself. Tinago ko na nga lahat sa kaniya kanina pero ito pa rin siya pumunta dito.
Akmang may sasabihin pa sana ako ng inunahan niya ako, "We're best friends right. I am your friend you can share to me what's bothering inside you. And don't deny it, I know Henzy and I can feel it.
I feel guilty because I didn't tell her what happened. She's right she is my friend and she deserves to know what's bothering me. After all siya lang rin naman nakaka alam ng nararamdaman ko simula pa noon.
Kumuha ako ng dalawang baso at nilagyan ng cube ice at isinalin ang canned beer na binili niya.
Nang makita ako ni Renaissa na papalapit sa kaniya agad itong nag ayos nang upo. Pinatong ko naman ang beer sa center table at binigay sa kaniya ang isang baso.
"We met again," I told her and drink my beer.
Nakatingin lang siya sa akin na para bang hinihintay niya mag kwento ako sa kaniya. She drink her beer and look at me intently waiting for another conversation.
I know that she knows who I am referring to.
I drank my beer and started talking. Sinabi ko lahat-lahat sa kaniya. Sa unang pagkikita namin muli hanggang sa pagkikita namin kanina. Kung paano ako takot malaman ang totoo. Na baka...baka pinagpalit niya ako.
Renaissa just listens to me the whole time I was talking. She never dared to speak
"The whole time you were living without him, I know that you questioned your existence Henzy." She looked at me directly.
I looked away. Parang may ano akong naramdaman. Tagos na tagos dahil sa lahat siya ang nakakapansin noon. Mas alam niya pa ang takbo ng utak ko kesa sa aking sarili.
It's true I somehow questioned my existence ano ba ang kulang? Do I deserve it all? Was my love to shallow that he just left me hanging and only to find out that he dated my friend. Our friend.
"I thought you want to know his side," ani nito sa mas seryosong tono.
Akala ko rin. Akala ko pag magkikita kami ulit handa na akong pakinggan siya pero hindi eh. May takot sa puso ko takot ako malaman ang totoo.
"I'm scared." Yan na lang ang nasabi ko sa kaniya at ininom ang beer na natitira.
"Your heart won't be free if you don't want to hear the truth." She stated.
"I am so scared to know the truth," I whispered.
"But that truth will set you free not just to yourself but also to your heart. You guarded your own heart only to avoid pain eventually, pain chases you again. What I'm trying to point out is, you can never avoid pain, wherever you go, whatever you want pain will always be there. Wanna know why? Because you can't let yourself be free." Mahabang sambit nito sa akin habang iniinom niya ang kaniyang beer.
"I'll try." Iyon lang ang tanging nasambit ko sa mga salitang binitawan niya sa akin.
She's right I am restraining myself from pain not knowing that pain will always chase me.
"Just hear him out Henzy. Accept the present, forgive the past and prepare for the future."
Takot pa rin akong malaman ang dahilan kung bakit niya ako iniwan ng bigla bigla. I know I'm timid to face and know the truth.
After that talk with Renaissa I felt at peace, but maybe I can be peace in myself if I hear him out. What happens to us still bothering me.
I almost let myself drown in my thoughts of being scared to know the truth, and now that he is willingly to clarify things ako naman itong takot malaman ang totoo.
Maybe I'm the real coward here and not him.
Midterms are coming and the library is full. I wanted to study in peace kasi kapag sa library ako hindi ako makaka pag focus because of the students murmured and the worst scene was making out inside the library.
The library is made to let students or people study in peace, not for making out. Ghad! Ginawang motel room ang library kulang na lang mag hubaran sila sa isa't isa.
My friends are nowhere to be found. I want to be with them para sabay na kaming mag-aral pero hindi ko naman sila mahagilap. I try calling them but it says cannot be reached.
Pumunta na lang ako sa grandstand kasi I'm sure walang tao roon ngayon. Besides, I can study peacefully and feel the fresh air.
One thing that can made me comfort is the view of nature. Green grasses and tall trees are so comforting in the eyes.
It is like the natures whispering at me saying that it would be alright.
For once I felt at peace.
I am trying to understand the biochemistry subject. For some reason I am struggling to understand this Biochemistry.
It involves so many elements na nakakalito aralin the derivation.
"Shit! Kanina pa kita binabalikan pero hindi kita makuha!" I frustratingly said to myself referring to the book I was studying.
"Just study in peace I am sleeping here."
Napalingon ako sa kung sino ang nagsalita laking gulat ko nang makita ko si Reeve na nakahiga sa ikatlong palapag ng grandstand.
How come I didn't notice here earlier?
"Kanina ka pa diyan?" I asked stupidly.
Malamang kanina pa siya diyan ikaw itong si tanga na hindi naka pansin sa kaniya.
Bumangon naman ito at umupo. He unconsciously brushed his wavy hair using his fingers and let it style sideways.
"Obviously yes and all the rants that you had about they certain topic ay narinig ko."
His brows furrowed getting annoyed with me cause I disturbed the beast who is sleeping.
"Sorry. I was just annoyed kasi ilang ulit ko na binabalik balikan ayaw pa rin pumasok sa isip ko."
He stood up and went down to me. "How would you able to comprehend that if you, yourself don't want that subject."
"What?" Litong tanong ko sa kaniya.
"In simple words learn to appreciate that subject. In that way mas madali para sayo ma intindihan," he stated full of conviction.
"Alin diyan ang di mo na intindihan?" He suddenly asked and look at me.
When our eyes met ito nanaman ang pusong ko nagkakarera. Reeve really knows how to make my heart beat so fast.
I looked away and point the book. Tinuro ko sa kaniya kung saang parte ako nahihirapan.
"You need to classify the 20 amino acids that commonly found in protein. Each amino acid is shown in its fully protonated form, with dissociable hydrogens ions that was represented in red print."
Ang galing niya mag turo. Step by step and he never leave in a topic na hindi ko na kukuha agad. Binabalik-balik niya hanggang sa makuha ko.
Hindi ko na namalalayan na nakatingin na pala ako sa kaniyang mukha. Front view, side view makikita mo talaga ang kaniyang pagka mala adonis na mukha.
"Focus on the lesson Neve. Stop staring at my face."
My cheeks started to heat up and I bet it's red right now. I was preoccupied with his presence that I almost forgot we're studying.
"Thanks!" Sabi ko sa kaniya dahil mas naging madali sa akin ang pag intindi nito.
Hindi lang ka gwapohan ang meron sa kaniya kundi katalinohan din.
I am excited to see him wearing a nurse uniform and taking care of patients. I bet mas gaganahan pa ang pasyente sa hospital kesa umuwi dahil nakikita nila ang pagka makisig ni Reeve.
Naglalakad ako pauwi sa apartment nang makita ko ulit si Christoph na naghihintay sa tapat nito.
Pabalik-balik at mukhang balisa ito na tila hindi alam ang gagawin. Nakita ko ang gulat sa kaniyang mga mukha nang makita niya ako.
I deep breath and let myself calm. I know I need this, but I am not ready.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him calmly.
Kahit alam ko naman kung ano ang pakay niya sa akin.
He took a step papunta sa akin. I instantly waved my hand to stop him. He close his eyes and take a deep breath.
"I am here to..to clarify things Henzy."
I am here to explain my side to you."
I take a deep breath. "Can you give me time? I need to be ready."
There I said it. I know, knowing the truth would made be at peace but I need to ready myself first.
He took one step again and hold my hand. "Thank you, Henzy." I can see the happiness in his eyes.
Kinuha ko ang kamay ko na hinawakan niya.
"No need to say Thank you. I deserve to know tha truth."
Akmang papasok na ako sa loob pero nakita ko si Reeve sa di kalayuan kung saan kami nag-usap ni Christoph kanina.
"Reeve," I whispered