Wave
Liking him is like reaching a stars. So hard, so impossible and difficult. I don't know what's wrong with me? He let me saw his flaws but still... siya parin. I cleared my throat so I can go back to zero where I'm not feeling like this... but it's impossible too.
I want to reset myself so I can prevent hurting myself. Ayaw ko ng gan'to because I know kapag mas lalo pang tumagal ay mas titindi pa 'tong nararamdaman ko sa kaniya. I don't want to take the risk but I think... I born to take this risk, again and again.
I stood up and find Lami. I don't have enough strength to walk properly. A guy who called Magen help me to stood up properly. I just gave him a small smile as a thank you. Hindi naman ako nakainom masyado at ang pag-iwan ata sa 'kin ni Magen ang nakapagpahina sa 'kin. I can't help it.
I took a deep breath and stare at my cousin who's busy laughing and talking to her friend. I tried my best to approach and convince her to drive me to go home in my unit. At first she didn't mind me. Ang killjoy ko raw dahil hindi pa kami masyadong nagtatagal but when she saw my tears she immediately stood up and grabbed my hands so we can go home.
We say goodbye to Tani and she understand that we need to go home so it's not difficult to escape. I can sense that Lami wants to ask something while she's driving her car. I heard her heavy sighed while looking at the road. She want to ask but I don't have any plan to spill the tea.
"You want me to stay here? Pwede naman sasabihin ko na lang kay Neejan na sabihin kay Mom na mag-iistay ako rito sa unit mo..." bakas ang pag-aalalang tono niya ng buksan ko ang pinto ng unit ko.
I gave her a small smile to assure her that I'm fine even I'm not "I'm fine, Lami. You can go home na since I can take care of myself. No need to worry about me. Sumakit lang ulo ko kaya ako naiyak. I want to take a rest," I lied. Masakit ang dibdib at puso ko not my head.
She smile awkwardly and nodded "Just call me or one of our cousins if you need something..." she form her hand like a telephone and put it in front of her ear.
"I'm really okay," I smiled weakly still trying my best to hide the pain.
She nodded, there's sometimes that stopping her because she stare at me. I pushed her away because she doesn't move looks like she want to stay beside me. I'm not used at it, I mean... I want to be alone because I want to talk to myself. Hindi ako baliw, sometimes talking to yourself is the best way to heal the pain. Kahit saglit lang... it's fine.
I immediately remove my stilettos and throw it somewhere. I close my eyes and I felt my tears fell down on my cheeks. I cried, I badly like Magen. To the point that I'm crying!
I don't know how I easily slept. I just woke up when my alarm clock on my phone, ring. May tumama pa na liwanag sa mukha ko na mukjang nanggaling sa veranda. I stood up and washed my face. After that I cooked a breakfast. It's still 6:04 am, I stare at boiled and fried egg with hotdogs even a fried rice. I don't do diets so it's fine.
It's exactly 7 am since I finished. Kung minsan natutulala pa ako. I felt like my brain is drained. I decided to take a bath, gusto kong pumunta ng mall.
"Aalis ako..." I said when I saw Chave raising his brow when I got out of my unit.
I'm wearing a turtle neck fitted crop top and a denim skirt. Hindi na 'ko nag-abala na maglagay ng makeup I just put some brown matte lipstick.
"Ang aga-aga lalakwatsa kana agad? Where are you going?" Mataray na tanong niya habang nakakrus ang baso.
My gaze drifted on his simple black t-shirt and gray khaki short. He even brushed his hair using his hand while waiting for my answer.
"Hindi ako maglalakwatsa. I'm going to the Mall. I need to buy something. How 'bout you? Ang aga aga lalandi ka na naman..." I fired him back.
Agad naman siyang napangiwi habang sabay kaming pumasok sa elevator. I saw how his gray eyes rolled because of what I said. I sniffed and rolled my eyes too. Attitude.
"Sa Cafeteria lang sana nila Magen..." he immediately said reason why I looked at him.
By just hearing his beautiful name my heart beats so fast and my chest pound so loud. The way he left me made my heart crashed into pieces.
I licked my lips "Why?" My voice filled with hesitation.
He raised his brows "Why? Of course magbebreakfast! Hey! wake up, Heart. Tulog pa ata diwa mo," he teased and laughed.
I want to ask him if he know who's Phoebe but I'm afraid. Baka hindi ko kayanin ang matanggap kong sagot. That's why I remained silent. I don't want to add more pain in my heart.
"Hey, are you fine? You looks tired." Nag-aalalang tanong niya bago ako hawakan sa braso.
I smiled at him and nodded. That's all, we parted our ways since I took a cab. Balak ko ngayon na bumili ng damit. The clothes that can fit to Magen's standard.
I'm not tired physically but I'm tired emotionally. Pumunta agad ako sa stall na nakita ko kung saan simple ang mga damit. I choose a brown shirt and some of it is formal. I mean hindi mga sleeveless and croptop. Even I want to grab one piece of sexy crop top that hooked my heart... well, I grabbed it sayang naman kasi.
Hindi rin ako masyadong mahilig sa jeans pero bumili pa rin ako ng lima. I think it's enough. Hawak-hawak ang mga paper bag na pinamili ay pumasok naman ako sa bilihan ng mga simpleng sandals.
I sat on the chair here in food court. I fixed all of my things. Nakapatong lahat ng pinamili ko sa lamesa ko at sa upuan na katabi ko. May iilan pa na napapatingin sa gawi ko. I just gave them a small smile.
"Hello! Ikaw po ba si Heart Nazario?" A cute girl with a hair clip asked me wearing her beautiful smile.
My brow arched when the three girls giggled beside her "Yeah.. why?" I nodded and smile at them.
Sumandal ako sa sandalan ng upuan at maingat na hinawi ang ilang hibla ng buhok na tumatama sa mukha ko. I crossed my arm but still wearing a smile on my lips.
The other girl in the left giggled again "Ikaw po kasi diba 'yung kasama ni Wave? 'Yung sa Vlog niya then sinabi niya na girlfriend ka niya do'n. The one and only Wave's Powi," she said.
Oh that's it, Wave? Wave is my ex-boyfriend slash boy bestfriend. We broke up because he need to studied abroad and we both don't want to be selfish. He's not sure if makakabalik ba siya since nasa Canada ang business ng family nila. He want me to find another guy and I want him too... to find another girl.
"It's been a years since he stopped filming a vlog. Ang rumor is nagbreak na kayo kasi he need to study abroad pero naalala pa namin!" The other one in the right said.
I smiled and nodded. Hindi naman ako bitter and I think Wave too. We seperated with closure kaya siguro there's no doubt when it comes to this topic. I've move on but I admit it that I missed him. He's part of being me, siya 'yung kasama ko nung binibuild ko ang sarili ko. He's there pulling me up when I'm about to fall. He's there beside me when I'm in my part of downfall.
He used to called me Powi or Puso. Yes, he's the only one who called me that and I prefer calling him Wave or Alon. I smiled while reminiscing the past. I want him to be my endgame but... Magen.
"Yes, we broke up because he need to studied abroad. He's the bread winner of their family that's why," I said honestly without hesitation.
Siya kasi ang panganay sa kanilang magkakapatid. His little sister got shoo by his step mother. Kaya ginawa niya ang lahat para matustusan ang kailangan ng kapatid niya.
I grabbed my paper bags, Nilagay ko na lang sa ilalim ng lamesa. Pinaupo ko sila dahilan ng pagkagulat nila but still. I asked their name the girl with a hairclip named, Sophi. The girl wearing a hairband named, Dee. The girl with a high ponytail named, Eya and last the girl with a curly hair named, Owi. Highschool girls.
"At first ang akala ko masungit ka po but talking to you? You're kind. Wave is lucky to have you even as a ex-gf..." Owi said and bit her lip.
I smiled at him. I looked bitchy but nah! I'm kind naman kahit sinasabi nila Chave na brat ako. I know how to place my attitude. Syempre gan'on lang ako sa mga pinsan ko dahil 'yun na nakasanayan namin. They always pissing me off naman! Kaya I just want to pissed them too.
"Oo nga," Eya added while examining my face "Para ka pa pong angel kapag tinititigan but there's something talaga sa aura mo na parang ang sungit-sungit mo..."
I felt like my cheeks blushed because of what they said. I licked my lower lips and smiled at them. Hearing those words to the cute girls made my heart fluttered.
"Swerte rin naman ako kay Wave," I said while giggling.
For the past few weeks, hindi na kami masyado nag-uusap. He's busy so damn big time. Pero we still best friends! Minsan nagvivideo call kami pero mag-iisang buwan na wala siyang paramdaman and It's not new tho.
We talked about something. Hindi naman kasi ako mahirap kausapin because I know how to drive a conversation. Fan raw sila ni Wave, He's handsome and smart too. Gentleman on and off cam kaya talagang maraming magkakagusto sa kaniya. Wave have a sense of humor, kaya rin siguro marami siyang kaibigan. Well, me too.
I remembered those time na ang rami na nagseselos at naiinggit sa 'kin kasi kaibigan ko siya at the same time boyfriend. At first we don't want to take the risk kasi naman most of the time maraming friendship na nagteturned as a stranger because of broke up. Pero sa situation kasi namin we both don't want to be stranger dahil lang sa broke up.
"If we have some time we will visit DM's Cafe..." Sophi said while waiving her hands.
I nodded and wave back, sinabihan ko kasi sila na kung may free time sila pwede silang pumunta sa Café ni Magen and ililibre ko sila. Well!
From: Alon
HRU?
Natawa naman ako sa tanong niya. I know he's just pissing me off. Such a moron! Kidding.
To: Alon
F
He asked me "How are you?" And of course! Hindi ako papatalo so I replied "Fine" Maybe hindi na siya busy? After a month!
Nagdekwatro ako ng upo at binalingan ang mga pinamili ko. I massaged my temple and laughed a little because of what he said. After a minutes I decided to go home in my unit. I took again a cab.
My phone beeped and my ringtone filled my ears. I immediately answered his call.
"Why?" Mataray kong tanong. I heard his sexy groaned reason why I rolled my eyes.
"I just missed you! Taray taray mo naman tanggalin ko lalamunan mo e!" He said and laughed.
"Hindi kita namimiss ang pangit pangit kaya ng ugali mo. I want to slap you," I fired him back and of course it's just a joke!
"Oh! You don't miss me?"
I laughed while putting down the paper bags. Nilagay ko rin sa lapag ang cellphone at ni loud speaker dahil hinahanap ko pa ang keycard ko. I can't find it!
"Sampalin kita," I teased and laughed again.
Well, Wave! He just want to hear that coming from me. Kahit na alam niyang miss ko naman siya ang landi landi parin.
"Powi, Say it. Say slap me, daddy" he said without doubness.
Puro talaga kalokohan! I just shook my head. My eyes widened when I heard a chuckled at my back. Magen's bloodshot eyes met mine. He's wearing a simple gray t-shirt and black cargo short. May nakalagay pa na puting towel sa balikat niya at basa pa ang buhok niya dahil kitang-kita ang pagtulo ng tubig sa hibla ng buhok niya. I swallowed hard and tried to calm myself.
"Tangina mo, Wave! Ang landi landi mo parin!" I looked at Chave who suddenly snatched my phone on the floor and talked to Wave.
Magen sniffed and looked at Chave "Send my regards to Wave," he huskily said.
Oh! He knows Wave?! How? Shit!
Chave just nodded at him and tapped his shoulder. Hindi ko na narinig ang pinag-usapan ni Wave at Chave kasi pumasok na agad siya sa unit niya tangay-tangay ang cellphone ko.
I lifted my head at Magen who suddenly looking at me wearing his blank expression. I saw how his jaw hardened when he looked at my paper bags. Binalik niya ang tingin sa 'kin bago umiling-iling, looks like I dissappointed him. He examined what I'm wearing from head to toe and he shook his head again.
"Y-you know Wave?" I asked and bit my lips.
Parang tanga naman na kumalabog ang dibdib ko ng humilig siya sa pintuan ng unit niya at pinunasan ang buhok gamit ang towel. He looks like a model! Parang sa bawat pagpunas niya ay nag-iislow motion ang paligid.
He looked at me wearing his blank expression reason why I gulped intensely "Yeah, He's a friend of mine when I stayed in Canada..." he seriously said and turned his back. Left me again.
My lips parted and my eyes widened. How! How the hell?! He's Wave's friend? Kaibigan ng ex ko ang gusto ko ngayon? What the hell is going on?!
I ran towards Chave's unit. Agad niya naman binuksan. Nakangiti pa siyang humarap sa 'kin at inabot ang cellphone ko at walang ano-ano na sinarahan ako ng pinto! Bwiset.
When I already found my keycard, I bend and held the paper bags. Nilapag ko agad ang mga 'to sa loob ng kwarto. Dumapa ako at tinawagan si Wave. Parang mamamaga ang bibig ko kapag hindi ako nagtanong.
"How did you met Magen? Are you two friends? how?" Bungad ko agad sa kaniya.
I heard his chuckled, I looked at my nails "Nagkita kami sa isang bar. Chave is with him and yeah magkaibigan na kami kasi ilang beses na rin kami nagkasama-sama. Chave told me you like Magen! Ang sinabi ko find another guy na mamahalin ka rin the way I loved you o mas higit pa hindi 'yung guy na may nililigawan na iba! Idiot!" And then he laughed.
Naramdaman ko na agad ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Nililigawan? So? Nililigawan niya 'yung Phoebe? Oh shit! I bit my lower lips and stare at my color white bedsheet.
"Nililigawan niya si Phoebe?" I bravely asked. Crossing my fingers, tell me I'm wrong.
"Yes, kilala mo rin pala si Phoebe," he said.
I felt like my tears fell down on my cheeks. That's why? He keeps on leaving me because he's courting that girl? Did Phoebe fit in his standard? Napasinghot ako at pinunasan ang luha na tumulo kaagad sa pisnge ko. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako lilingon dahil pakiramdam ko kapag gumalaw ako ay buong pagkatao ko rin ang madudurog.
I know I don't have a right to act like this! But I can't help it.
"Hey, naiyak ka? Don't worry... Phoebe doesn't love him. Ako ang gusto ni Phoebe and not him. So chin up and fight for it. If you really love him then go my Powi hook his heart the way you hooked mine. He will definitely fall for you because you're a lovable person. So go for it and stop crying," he cheered me up like he's not my ex-boyfriend.
Did Magen knows that Phoebe like Wave? Kung oo then is it okay for him? Mahal niya talaga 'yung Phoebe na 'yon? Kaya ayos lang? Kaya okay lang?
I sobs again and cover my face. Tahimik kong pinunasan ang mukha ko bago tingnan ang screen ng aking cellphone. May iilan pa na patak ang bumagsak sa screen ko na agad kong pinunasan. Shit lang ha.
"H-he said that he hate me. T-the way I dress. Ayaw niya ng babaeng alcoholic. A-ayaw niya sa katulad kong babae. H-he keeps on leaving me, Wave. I want to change myself for him..." nanginginig ang boses kong sinabi habang pinupunasan ang pisnge.
He chuckled "Bobo mo naman!" He shouted. I rolled my eyes, napakapanira talaga niya!
"Bobo mo sa part na 'yan, Powi. Don't change yourself just for him! If you like him then go! But like him by who you are. Don't change yourself just to please him. Don't change yourself just to be notice by him. Don't change yourself because you want to fit in to his goddamn standard. You don't need to change yourself, Powi." He said with horror.
I swallowed hard because his words slapped me but.. " I want to try, Wave. Malay mo naman diba..." I smiled weakly. "I'm going to change just to try it. Just two months and if still no progress then I will go back to who I am. Tsaka gagawin ko lang naman ay 'yung pag-iwas muna sa paghangout ng madalas at 'yung paraan ng pananamit ko ay aayusin ko lang. My attitude? Of course not," I said, making sure that I'm still the Powi that he met.
I heard his sighed "Alright, If you need something else then call me. If you have a problems then tell all of it to me. I know that you hate sharing your problem but you still have me. Just always remember na ikaw rin 'yung kaisa-isang tao na pinagsasabihan ko ng problema because sharing it with others is not my thing. So, I want you to tell me if you have a problem. Got it?" Bakas ang pag-aalala sa boses niya.
No matter what happen he still the best of the best and will stay the best person who have a part in my life. Magen please... ako na lang.