I tied my white apron on my waist and bunned my hair with my sky blue scrunchie and put a hairnet. I'm just wearing a fitted white t-shirt partnered with my denim skirt and skin tone sandals. I didn't bother to wear a chef's uniform because I felt that, I didn't deserve to hold that title.
"Chef Heart, spicy parmesan shrimp pasta for today's recipe. Good for 3 servings and the total time of waiting will take only for 45 minutes," Rain, our head chef said.
"Got it," tamad kong sabi.
I prepare the ingredients that other chefs gave me. I started to cooked it like what I've learned while watching them for the past few days. It's been five days since I started working here.
"When are you coming back dad?" I asked dad while holding the telephone.
I'm here at his office, I looked at my nails while swaying his swivel chair.
I heard his chuckled "Tomorrow morning, Poena. Sinabi ni Chef Rain ana marami daw ang nagustuhan ang performance mo d'yan," masayang sabi niya.
I just nodded even he can't see me "Yeah, whatever dad. By the way, I'm going to U.S the day after tomorrow,"
Bibili kasi kami ni Magen ng cellphone. For the passed days, t'wing pag-uwi ko lang kami nagkikita. I'm curious too... why Magen acted like that? He's very approachable for the passed days!
"Alright, I need to hang up..." he said and hanged up! Oh! What's new?
"Why?!" I asked when someone knocked at the door.
"Chef, you can go home now." Rain smiled at me, sweetly.
I stare at him, he is now wearing a simple white t-shirt and black coat partnered with his black slacks and brown business shoes.
"I know," mataray kong sabi at tinaasan siya ng kilay.
"Hatid na kita," he offered and gave me a awkward smile.
My brows furrowed because of what he said. "I can go home with my own,"
He sniffed out of embarrassment "I just want,"
"No, it's fine," I said while shooking my head to assure him.
"You said that again..." He smiled weakly. "I know this is your last day here. So, let me..." he pushed again.
I bit my lower lips and put my phone inside my small bag. It's true, ilang beses niya ako inalok na ihatid but I kept on declining him. He's attractive and I'll admit it. He has the well body and figure of face but there's something na kulang at alam ko na 'yung kulang na 'yon ay nakuha ni Magen.
"Diamond hotel, sa entrance mo lang ako ihatid. I want to avoid some fake rumor," I said like I was a celebrity huh?
He just nodded because he don't have any option. Kapag umayaw naman siya... edi don't. We're walking now and I swear most of our employees' stares are on us. May iilan pa na nagbubulungan at kung makangiti parang may nakita silang gustong-gusto ng mga mata nila.
I stopped walking when I saw a familiar figure. He is wearing his usual office attire. A white long sleeve folded into his elbow, a black slacks and brown loafers.
It looks he's waiting for someone. Nasa bandang malapit sa pintuan ang pwesto niya. I bit my lower lips, kinuha ko agad ang maliit na salamin sa bag ko at tiningnan kung maayos ba ang mukha ko. I started to walk again towards him but I frozed when I saw who seat in front of him. That girl is familiar.
"Why you took so long, Phoebe?" Mahinahon na tanong ni Magen na nagpaatras sa'kin.
My chest pound so fast while staring at the both of them. I don't know but I felt like a loud storm hit my ears, nakakabingi.
She's Phoebe, bumalik na siya. Wala na naman akong space sa buhay ni Magen. He will leave me now because his girl cameback. Maiiwan ako... maiiwan na naman ako.
I wanted to scream! I wanted to shout how I felt! I wanted to do anything just to ease this terrible feelings but... all I can do is to convince myself that it's alright. Dahil wala akong ibang choice kundi ang maging okay. Kasi ako lang 'yung extra. Kapag hindi kailangan ay pababayaan.
They looked good together. The way Magen smiled at Phoebe made my heart turned into pieces. Kasi... kasi bakit kay Phoebe ang dali lang? Bakit kapag si Phoebe ayos lang? Bakit kapag kay Phoebe ay sige lang? How about me? Pa'no ako? Pa'no naman ako?
"Hey..." mahinang bulong ni Rain.
I looked at him when I wiped my tears. Napahikbi ako bago ibalik ang tingin kina Magen na ngayon ay masayang nakikipag usap sa kadadating lang na dalawang babae at dalawang lalaki. I saw Mint... he looks shocked when his gaze darted at me.
I bit my lips and smiled at him to assure him that it's fine. Na... ayos lang ako, na... hindi ako nasasaktan ng sobra, na... kaya ko magtiis, na... kakayanin ko kahit sobrang nakakapagod at sobrang sakit na. Kasi nga, all I need to do when the things like this is to be fine.
"R-rain, cover me so the guy over there can't see me..." I said pertaining to Magen.
I can see at my peripheral view that he's staring at me. I stopped my sobs while looking at Magen who's busy fixing Phoebe's hair.
Tama na, please.
Magen! Tama na! It's so fvcking hurt! Agad akong tumalikod dahil sa luha kong sabay na bumagsak. Rain immediately held my both arm when I was about to fall on the ground.
"He's a bastard..." Rain whispered while removing his coat.
He covered my head and face but he make sure that I can see. Amoy na amoy ko rin ang mabango niyang pabango. Sunod-sunod ang pagbilis ng puso ko ng magsimula kaming maglakad.
"You must eat, Phoebe." Magen sweetly said.
"I will but don't put too much on my plate!" Phoebe said and giggled.
"No, you must eat more. Ayaw kong magugutom ka..." he said that made my tears fell down again on my cheeks.
He is different when he's with Phoebe. He is willing to show his real self to Phoebe. Sa'kin... hindi, kasi nga para sa kaniya hindi ako mahalaga.
"H-he's my b-boyfriend..." I whispered and I know he heard it.
He stare at me, he held the door of his sedan while staring at me. I smiled at him weakly.
"You don't deserve a guy like him," he opened the door. "Seat," he command.
Agad naman akong pumasok at umupo sa sasakyan niya. My eyes automatically darted on the guy who made me feel unwanted. He is happy! At nasasaktan ako kasi masaya siya! Kasi masaya siya sa iba!
Nagsimula na naman akong humikbi. I immediately covered my face using my palm when Rain sat on the driver's seat. Narinig ko pa ang pagtikhim niya ng marinig ang maliit kong paghikbi. My hands is shaking and my knees felt weak. Sumabay pa ang nanginginig kong balikat dahil sa pag-iyak.
Kasi masakit talaga. I don't know how to deal with the pain. I don't know how to handle it. Nakakabaliw ng sobra.
"Go on, cry out loud. Madadrive lang ako at pwede kang umiyak dito. You can tell me whatever you want. You can use me to ease that feeling. I can be your crying shoulder, Poena." Nagsusumamong sabi niya habang nakatitig sa daan at binalingan ako saglit ng tingin.
This tears keep on haunting me. I am here again in my painful agonies and fatal feelings in a deepest ocean of melancholy.
Waiting for someone to save me.
He scoffed "Rekindle your damn feelings for him. You must, if you want to stop hurting yourself. Hindi masamang magbawas ng tao sa buhay mo kung alam mong hindi na tama,"
I stare at him, nakita ko pa ang bahagyang paggalaw ng panga niya at paghigpit ng hawak niya sa manibela.
This guy, who are you?
"R-rain..." tawag ko sa kaniya ng huminto ang sasakyan dahil sa traffic.
He raised his brows "hmm?"
"D-do y-you like me?" Walang preno na tanong ko habang tinititigan siya.
He stare at me using his pleaded eyes "I always did, Poena." He even wiped his lips using his tongue.
My lips parted because of his serious tone. "Y-you always did?!" I asked again.
Maybe I heard it wrong, right?
"You glimpse my life eversince, Poena. Kaya sino ako para hindi ka magustuhan?" Nanliit ang mata na tanong.
Right now, I have a chance to stare at him closely. His thick and fierce brows, pointed nose, dangerous eyes, attractive red lips and perfect jawline. He also distinguised with his charismatic aura.
"You corner me... you locked up me so I fell deeper," he said like he knows everything about me.
"You know me, eversince?" Naguguluhan kong tanong.
He nodded and smiled "Yes and I've fallen to you eversince..."
"What?! I mean... w-why?!"
Parang umatras ang luha ko dahil sa sinabi niya. How can he know me? I don't even know him except to his name and the fact that he is our restaurant's head chef!
"I have a crush on you when we're in elementary days and I've fall in love when we're in high school and I fell deeper, right now..." he said with any drop of doubtness.
I swallowed hard and avoided his gaze. I keep my mouth shut because it feels awkward. He like me? So, secretly? He likes me back then but he didn't confess but he did right now!
"Don't love me, Rain." Masasaktan ka lang.
We're now here in front of the hotel that I'm staying in. I was about to open the door when he locked it! Inis akong bumaling sa kaniya na seryoso ang mukha na tinitigan ako.
"I will if you stop loving him..." seryosong sabi niya habang nilalabanan ang masama kong titig.
I bit my lower lips and looked away. I wanted to! I wanted to stop loving him too. Kung kaya ko lang baka simula pa lang pinigilan ko na. Kung kaya ko lang talaga.
"I can't, mahirap..." I smiled using my apolegitic smile.
He nodded "Tell me what you want me to do..." seryosong tanong niya.
I stare a seconds to him to assure if he's capable to handle my words "Stop loving me, Rain. Don't love me..." I said without any filter.
He smiled "I can't, mahirap..." gaya niya sa sinabi ko.
I still stared at him and waited for him to say he was just joking but he seemed serious about what he said because he got out of the car and opened the door for me. I could do nothing but go out and stare at him. I slowly can see myself to him. He is carrying too the pain coming from me. Nakikita ko sa mga mata niya kahit na pilit niyang tinatago.
"I can go with my own now," I said.
I stepped on a stairs and face him again. He smiled while putting his both hands inside his pockets.
"Yeah, the next time when I saw you. Kahit may boyfriend ka aayain kita na magdate tayo..." he said seriously.
My eyes widened "No!"
"I don't take no as an answer with that. Just always remember this, lulubayan lang kita kapag nasa tamang tao kana when I know that man will love you more than I did," he said softly. "Go on, it's late. You must eat dinner..."
I just nodded and wave my right hand as a goodbye "Thank you..." I said.
He winked and smiled! "You're always welcome, My Queen." my eyes widened again but this time with a smile on my lips.
I don't know.
I walked into the hotel. I am back to reality again. I entered the elevator and no one was here. The elevator was about to close when someone entered. I immediately backed away because of what I saw. He is now here, the man who will repeatedly hurt me. Kasama niya si Phoebe.
I saw how dark and serious Magen looked. He held Phoebe's hand as if he was forcing her to accompany him. Sa paraan ng paghawak niya ay makikita ang pag-iingat. It was like I was in a war and my only weapon was tears. Bago pa sumara ulit ang elevator ay lumabas na ako.
Hindi ko kaya... hindi ko kinakaya. Agad akong napahikbi habang naglalakad palayo. 'Yung kalabog ng puso ko ay nakakabingi. I do not know where my foot will take me. My knees are weak but I still try to walk
Ang akala ko ay makakaya ko sila makita pa pero hindi pala. I can't see them nearly at me. I can't! Hindi ko kinakaya because it's killing me and I don't know how to survive if I'll choose to stay there.
"I chose the right decision," agad akong napatingin kay Rain.
He leaned against his car with his arm crossed in front of his chest. I sobbed again as my tears flowed quickly. The pressure of my feeling is crazy. My heart was slowly pounding and itching. Magen is good at hurting me and making my heart turns into a pieces. Magaling siya... walang sablay.
"I told you, kapag nagkita ulit tayo kahit may boyfriend ka pa ay aayain kita makipagdate sa'kin." he said seriously and stood up properly while opening the door of his car. "Let's go, you haven't had dinner yet,"
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. I don't want to put him in any situation that I was. He confessed his love for me and I don't want him to suffer to the pain that I'm suffering too.
"Rain, I love someone else. Ayaw kitang saktan..." I said honestly.
Bahagya pa kami na nagkatitigan. His eyes is telling me to stop saying those words because he doesn't like it.
"Gusto talaga kita, Poena. Don't worry about how I feel. I love pains..."
I shook my head "Don't love the pains..."
"Then let me love you..." he uttered. "So, I can balance the pains." he said and smiled again.
Napalunok ako, I just entered his car. Ginala ko ang tingin ko sa mataas na building. Magen and Phoebe are together. Why? Does Magen didn't know about how I feel? Hindi ba talaga o wala lang talaga siyang pakialam?
Ano ba dapat? Ano ba dapat ang kailangan kong gawin para ako naman? Para ako naman piliin niya. Kahit hindi na pang-araw araw. Ayos na 'ko d'on... sapat na 'yon. Basta ako naman. Kahit saglit... kahit panandalian lang.
"What do you want to eat?" He asked me.
Nandito kami ngayon sa isang restaurant. Most of the customers are couples. I told him na ayaw ko sa restaurant namin and he understand.
"Just pasta..." I said.
He nodded and smiled. I put my small bag on thr chair beside me. He is now talking to the waiter. So, I have the chance to look around. This restaurant looks fancy. Most of the furniture is color white and brown. It's calming.
"My mom is only staying at our mansion. She's drowning herself with a luxury things or whatever is it while dad is managing our business which is the restaurant." I said when he asked me what's my parents doing.
"Your family owned many restaurant all over the world right?"
I smiled "My dad did, Rain." He smiled back and drink his water. "How 'bout your parents?" I asked curiously before tasting the pasta.
"My mom is genelogist while my dad is a lawyer..." he said seriously.
My mouth formed a big O "Nice, you have a siblings?" I asked.
He nodded "Yes, two younger sister. I'm the eldest one,"
I pouted "I also want a sibling. Since I'm a solo child," I rolled my eyes." 'Yung tipong aalagaan ko. Bubuhatin ko kasi naiyak then---"
"Mag-anak ka..." nanlaki ang mata ko dahil sa sinabi niya.
"H-hey! That's not what I mean!" Napaayos ako ng upo.
Kumunot naman agad ang noo niya bago umayos ng upo "Just saying..." kalmadong sabi niya.
Hindi naman sa ayaw ko ko mag-anak. I'm just not ready with it. Umirap na lang ako at nagpatuloy sa pagkain. May iilan pa na para bang namumukaan si Rain dahil napapahinto at napapatitig sa kaniya.
"Some of the customers are staring at you," I inform him because he looks like he doesn't care.
"Syempre gwapo ako," mayabang niyang sabi bago magpatuloy sa pagnguya.
I stared badly at him, he chuckled and wiped his lips using a white tissue before rubbing his finger on his dark hair.
"I'm a model, baka napansin nila na pamilyar ang mukha ko," he seriously said.
My lips parted because of what he said "Really?"
He nodded "You can see in Edsa my billboard or whenever is it,"
I just pouted, hindi naman kasi ako madalas na tumitingin sa mga billboard. I'm just looking at the road and buildings.
We had a good conversation. I can't deny that while I was with him I was relieved somehow. He did not ask me about Magen even pronouncing Magen's name he did not. Maybe he doesn't want our atmosphere to be awkward.
"Thank you for giving me a chance to eat dinner with you," Rain said when I got out of his car.
Inayos ko ang pagkakasabit ng bag ko sa'king kanan na balikat. I raised my brows and nodded unconsciouly. I sniffed before crossing my arm over my chest. My hair is dancing because of the cold and strong wind. I hugged myself a bit because I suddenly felt cold. I almost jumped when Rain walked towards me quickly and put his coat on my shoulder. I even swallowed as I stared at him.
Halata sa mukha niya ang pag-aalala. Nakaramdam tuloy ako ng guilt. Ba't hindi nalang siya ang magustuhan ko? Ba't 'yung tao pa na ayaw sa akin?
"Thank you too for giving me a peace of mind awhile ago," I smiled at him.
He nodded, I decided to go inside the hotel. I even saw how Rain watched me to get in. It looked like he also wanted to walk me so I just walked faster. It's now back to reality again, I almost sat down when I got out of the elevator.
Mapanganib at seryosong mata na agad ang bumungad sa'kin. Magen is leaning on my door as if he waited for me for too long. His jaw clenched while staring directly at me. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko dahil sobrang lakas ng tibok ng dibdib ko. Pakiramdam ko isang kalabit lang sa'kin ay matutunaw ako na parang isang yelo.
He looked at Rain's coat "Let's break up..." he said without mercy.
I closed my fist to gain strength. Mabilis na nagtaas baba ang dibdib ko habang nangangatog ang aking tuhod. How can he said those words easily? Ba't ang dali-dali lang sa kaniya? Ba't parang ako lang ang nasasaktan? Can't he feel anything? Kasi ako nakakaramdam... maraming pakiramdam. Sa sobrang dami ay pakiramdam ko ay pwede na ako maubos.
Like a piece of paper thrown into a blazing fire.
Hard to survive.
"H-how can you said that easily, M-magen?" my voice cracked.
Pinilit ko na humakbang palapit sa kaniya. Every time I stepped closer to him I felt as if I had stepped on fire. Masakit.... nakakapaso.... nakakalusaw.
"She came back, I don't want to cheat on her. So, let's break up," He stare directly at my eyes while handling me my phone na kinuha ko naman agad.
He's emotionless, parang hinihiwa ng dahan-dahan ang puso ko dahilan ng tuluyan na paghapdi. Malakas na kumalabog ang dibdib ko habang nilalaban ang titig niya.
I know this time will came. Bumalik na siya, 'yung babae na talagang gusto niya. Wala na naman akong space. Kasi first of all... wala naman talaga. Nasasaktan lang talaga ako dahil mahal ko siya pero may mahal siyang iba. Nahihirapan akong lumaban lalo na alam kong sa umpisa pa lang ako lang ang nalaban. Kasi ako lang naman 'yung kailangan lumaban. It's not meant to him if I'll lose or win. Kasi wala naman siyang pakialam.
"B-ba't naman ang b-bilis? Can't we extend it m-more? J-just---"
"Stop your bullshit, Heart! I said let's break up! This is a fvcking deal! Kapag bumalik na siya tapos na tayo!"
"She still didn't said yes!" Hula ko na agad na nagpatigil sa kaniya.
"Let's stop this bullshit. Let's break up, I'm out," he said and entered his unit without giving me a warm glance.