Today is Sunday. Mum is calling. I should be on my way back home or planning towards that but none of that is happening. The trial is tomorrow and Ben needs my presence now more than ever.
The continuous ringtone intensifies my guilt but I don’t reach for the phone. I bite my nails and clench my eyes shut but the ringing doesn’t stop.
I march to the door and return to the foot of the bed. Pacing doesn’t help. Ben is somewhere in the house so he isn’t here to witness my confusion and lie practice. If I pick, it will lead to an argument.
My phone stops ringing and starts immediately. Daddy. I drag a seat from the vanity to the window and push it open. The outside view is beautiful. It calms me, maybe that’s why I hit the answer button.
“Where are you?” is Daddy’s first question. In my silence, he says, “Tessa, where are you?”
“Here.”
The heavy sigh from the other end of the phone settles over my shoulders. I prop the chair against the wall and massage my head to stop the brewing headache. Ben can’t hear this conversation. He thinks they are cool with me staying back because I lied.
“Where is here? Why aren’t you on your way to the airport?”
“Cos I’m not coming home today.” Creaks from outside the door force me to my feet, I tuck the phone between my ear and shoulder and reach for the knob. There’s no one there. I shut the door and return to my seat. Daddy’s breathing from the other end makes me say, “I’m sorry but something came up.”
“Young woman, do you understand you have school tomorrow?” screams a voice in the background at the same time Daddy asks, “When will you be back? This wasn’t the plan.”
“I don’t know. Next week?”
The background voice grows louder. Mum. A chill runs down my spine at her scream. “Theresa Grace Mower.” Her voice is muffled but loud enough to convey her message. “I need you to book a flight for tomorrow morning and get back here. Do you hear me? Tomorrow morning.”
“No,” I say to whoever is listening. I’m probably on speaker but I don’t care. I’m not a kid anymore and they can’t force me to do their will. Crossing my legs under me, I adjust my weight on the chair. “Benny needs me.”
“Ben is a grown-up man, he can take care of himself. He doesn’t need you to babysit him.”
I end the call while Mum is still talking and toss the phone to the bed. My fingers sink into my hair. My chest rises and falls. I cut the call on my mother.
Will Ben stand up for me against his parents? I try not to think about the answer to that. I try not to imagine that scenario. I am doing the right thing. I can catch up on classes I’ll miss this week. I’m smart. Ben is also smart. We will study together.
Few minutes later, my phone rings again and I drag myself to my feet. A weight sinks to my belly at the new caller. Hayden. I don’t hesitate to pick. He’s more reasonable. My parents are too but sometimes, they don’t listen. They think they are doing what’s best for me but that’s not always the case.
“Hey,” he says once I pick. “What’s going on?”
The urge to roll my eyes is strong. He’s not here to caution me against it so I roll my eyes so hard I’m surprised it doesn’t lodge inside my head.
“Nothing?”
Plopping on the bed, face up, I raise my feet and rotate my ankles. He already knows what happened, that’s why he’s calling. He wants to say something but I don’t want to hear it.
“Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?”
“Yeah. I am.” I am not sure. If he senses my reluctance, he will capitalise on it and I don’t want that. “Benny has stuff going on in his life right now and he needs me to be there.”
“He has his parents for that, Tessa.”
“His parents are not his soulmate.” A grunt escapes him. I shake my head even though he is not here to see it. Not everyone gets it. They think we are too young and gullible but love knows no age or boundaries. As his soulmate, I have to be here for him. “See, when you find your soulmate, you will know. Benny is my soulmate and he needs me.”
A long silence ensues. I need my brother to be on my side even if my parents will fight against this.
“Don’t you think you’re too young for all of that soulmate stuff? You have your whole life ahead of you.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But he needs me now.”
“One week, okay? They are worried.” I get that but it will be hard to convince my parents without letting them in on the full story. “Try to round up everything this week. And for the love of God, don’t end the call on Mum again. She is trying her best. They both are. Besides, that was rude.”
Of course she reported me to him. It has always been this way, if she can’t get to me, she will tell daddy. If daddy can’t get to me, Hayden is next. I heave a sigh. I’m fighting people I love for a boy who isn’t legally mine.
“Okay. I’ll call them and apologise.” He grunts in approval and a half-smile takes over my lips. We have to win this case. “I love you.”
“Love you too.”
The call ends, I stare at my phone for two long minutes before dialling Mum’s number. She doesn’t pick. Daddy doesn’t either. The door opens before I can redial her number, I rush into Ben’s arms because I badly need a hug from him.
Breaking away from the hug, he pecks me. “Are you okay?” I’m not but my head bobs up and down in a mechanical mod. “You’re lying.”
“Maybe,” I mutter. “I’m just tired.” And scared of losing the love of my parents. “Where have you been?”
“Downstairs missing you.”
I laugh. “I was missing you too.”
Ben sweeps me off the floor and lowers me to the bed. I raise my hands for him to take off my clothes, then do the same for him. We grin at each other, I lay down first. He crawls in behind me and holds me close to reassure me, his body warmth seeping into me.
This is why I need to be with him. He calms me.
Our dedication to each other might be considered unhealthy by my parents but that’s how we operate.
“I’m kind of nervous for tomorrow,” I whisper and tug the cover over our waists. Silence follows my words, I roll away from him to inspect his face. His eyes are closed, one hand clasped behind his head. I prop my head on the same pillow he’s using and his hand snakes around my waist. “Are you ready?”
“No. I can never be ready.” His hand slips inside my singlet and his finger sinks into my belly button. “But you’re here so that’s okay.”
Again, this is why I need to be here. He needs me too. I fall asleep to the sound of his heart and wake to the sound of his heart.
It is morning.
A wave of worries comes with the realisation. It is today.
Am I nervous? So frigging much.
“Good morning,” I whisper against his lips and he claims my lips before I can pull back. I stretch my arms and yawn. “You slept well?”
Ben doesn’t reply, he carries me to the bathroom for us to brush our teeth and bathe together. Our anxiousness is visible in our sluggish movements. We put on matching outfits and join the rest of the family downstairs for breakfast.
“Did you sleep well?” Maddie asks. She and Josef are back to being love birds. I love those two.
I offer her a small smile and she looks to Ben for a response. Ben says nothing, instead he stuffs his mouth with buttered toast. I understand his nervousness. I think she does too.
The rest of breakfast is a dull affair, Asher has no idea what’s happening today but the vibes and dull replies from the rest of us stifles his energy. We drop him off at school first. Ben hugs him a little too tight. Maddie darts me a concerned gaze and I shrug. If doing that will make him happy, then I’m up for it.
Our next stop is the courthouse. The trial is private, everything was taken care of by Josef. I shift closer to Ben and take his hand. He has been silent since Asher left, not like he said much in his presence. His smile lasts for a fleeting second before it’s gone.
The car slows in front of the court building. Josef parks but none of us gets down. They spare worried glances at Ben but he has his eyes only on me. Finally, they take the hint and leave us alone in the privacy of the car.
“Do you think you can handle this?” I ask him.
“You’ll be there, right?” From the beginning till the end. “Then I’ll be okay.” I hug him. There are so many things to say to him but I don’t know how to express them. “They are waiting.” I nod against his shoulder. “Gracie, we are keeping them waiting.”
I release him slowly. I’m scared. If his last reaction to her presence is a sign to go by, I don’t think this trial will end well. Ben opens the door and helps me outside. Josef and Maddie, who are leaning on the car, look up.
“Are you two ready?”
“Yeah,” Ben answers on our behalf. I squeeze his hand and we start for the entrance. Before we take a step in, he asks, “Are you ready?”
No. “Yes.”