“How did you know about Nikolai?” I asked Jahann while I was busy preparing the table. One thing I really like the most about Jahann’s pad is his kitchen. Kumpleto ang gamit ni Jahann doon. Kahit na hindi rin ito nagbebake ay may oven doon.
He once said it’s for me in case I want to bake cupcakes and cakes.
Nilingon ko siya habang abala pa rin siya sa pagluluto. Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti nang maalala ko ang sinabi niya kanina sa akin.
He will fight for us.
I know it will not be an easy fight, but I know I can trust Jahann… and this time, I want to fight with him.
We need to make them understand.
Alam ko na hindi naman madaling maiintindihan nila Mommy ang nangyayari, naiisip ko na ang mga scenario na pwedeng mangyari kapag nalaman nila ang totoo pero hindi ko rin maitatanggi na gusto kong ipaglaban si Jahann.
I really love him.
“A few weeks after I left,” he replied. He glanced at me and shrugged. “I know, you’ll ask why I didn’t go home and talk to you. Why did I let Montenegro do what he did…”
Hindi naman ako nakasagot dahil iyon naman talaga ang nasa isip ko. Kung alam na pala niya noon pa man, bakit niya ako iniwasan? Bakit hindi siya umuwi?
“I fucked up, Creep… and as much as I hate to admit it, it was dumb move.”
“I tried calling you, but you weren't answering my calls…” naalala ko kung paano ko araw-arawin na tawagan si Jahann noon. Not that I still feel bad about it, but looking back, he could have done something…
“I was a mess,” he smiled a little. “They’re all planning for your wedding and that sucks, baby. I can’t watch you walk the aisle knowing I am not the groom. Hindi ka pwedeng magpakasal sa iba maliban sa akin.”
Hininaan nito ang apoy sa niluluto bago lumapit sa akin at hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi ko. “Remember what I told you? The game isn’t over…”
I nodded a little. Nasa akin pa rin ang sulat niyang iyon.
“Papaano pala nalaman ni Daddy…? He was the one who gave me the letter and stopped the wedding…” I asked him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he kissed my head.
“I just told him you should not marry Montenegro.”
Kumunot nang bahagya ang noo ko nang mapansin ko na tila hindi gustong pag-usapan ni Jahann ang tungkol sa bagay na iyon. Kung hindi ginawa ni Daddy ang bagay na iyon, malamang ay nakasal na talaga ako ng tuluyan kay Ian.
“Anong ginagawa mo sa states noong andon ka?” tanong kong muli sa kanya. We never had a chance to talk about his life in New York. Hindi naman kasi sinasagot ni Jahann si Alyanna at hindi naman din ito nagkwento nang sina Keij ang nagtanong sa kanya.
Jahann smiled a little while looking at me. Hindi na talaga ako nagtataka kung bakit ba maraming nagkakagusto sa lalaking ito. From his eyebrows to eyes, down to his nose and lips, he’s really good looking. Wala akong makitang maipipintas sa lalaki.
“I helped Lola, I did some research and… in my free time, I am thinking about you.”
Pinamulahan naman ako ng pisngi sa sinabi niya. “Talaga? Eh, si Airi?” tanong ko sa kanya para itago ang pamumula ng pisngi ko.
“Why do you always want to make yourself jealous, Creep?” he asked and shook his head. “How many times do I have to tell you that Airi and I, we’re just friends and I am very much in love with you?”
“I was just asking…” I rolled my eyes. Curious lang naman talaga ako dahil parang ang close na agad nila. May ibang nagkagusto naman din kay Jahann noon pero hindi man lang sila umabot sa kung nasaan si Airi sa buhay ni Jahann.
“Eh si Airi, friend ka lang ba para sa kanya?” tanong kong muli. Hindi ko pa naman kahit kailan narinig mula kay Airi na gusto niya si Jahann. Close silang dalawa, oo. Pero kapag inaasar nila Keij si Jahann kay Airi, ngumingiti lang ito.
Jahann chuckled and pecked on my lips. “Does it really matter who likes me, Creep? I love you. I love you so much.”
I couldn’t stop myself from smiling whenever he’s saying those words.
“I love you, too…” I said softly.
“Hmm? What is it?” tanong ni Jahann sa akin na nakakunot pa ang noo. I looked at him. “Hindi mo narinig?” I asked him. Umiling naman siya sa akin.
I smiled sweetly. “I said I am hungry,” I replied.
Nawala ang ngiti sa mukha ni Jahann at sinimangutan ako. “Pasalamat ka mahal kita.”
“Thank you,” nang-aasar na sagot ko naman sa kanya. Mas sumimangot ito bago kumalas sa pagkakayakap sa akin at nagpunta na sa niluluto nito.
I laughed loudly while watching him. He’s really frowning because of what I said. I never thought Jahann could be this cute and adorable.
“I said I love you, too, Jahann,” sabi ko sa kaya. Lumingon naman ito sa akin. “Wag ka na magsungit, baby.”
He smiled when I called him that. I know it’s a usual endearment for a couple but I find it cute when Jahann is using it.
Pinaupo na niya ako at siya na ang nag-asikaso ng mga kailangan namin sa pagkain. Naupo siya sa tabi ko at siya na rin ang naglagay ng pagkain sa plato ko.
I looked at him and smiled. I moved and pecked on his cheek.
He smiled at me. “Go, eat. You always cook for everyone, you always take care of them. Let me do my job of taking care of you, okay?” he said before feeding me.
“Ako na!” natatawang sabi ko sa kanya bago kinuha ang kutsara at nagsimulang kumain. Jahann really knows how to cook. He’s really like daddy.
We’re talking while eating, mostly about Nikolai.
“I remember one time, I badly wanted to hear your voice…” I told him. Nagtatanong sya sa akin kung kamusta ba ako nung pinagbubuntis ko pa lang si Nikolai.
“And?” he asked while looking at me.
“And you’re not answering my calls…” I rolled my eyes. “So, what Kol did was compile all our videos with the group and have it edited. Puro ikaw lang nasa video… tapos whenever I want to hear your voice or see you, pinapanuod ko ‘yun…” I smiled at him. It was really hard, though.
Kapag ang hinahanap ko ay si Jahann. Hindi ko pwedeng sabihin kina Alyanna kaya si Kol ang lagi kong ginugulo noon.
“You should really say thank you to Kol,” I told him before I ate again. Ngumiti naman si Jahann sa akin at tumango. Hindi ko alam kung nakapag-usap na ba silang dalawa dahil alam ko na nagkainisan pa sila ni Kol bago ito umalis noon.
Pinag-usapan pa namin ni Jahann ang mga tungkol sa pinaglihian ko at sa panganganak ko. Alam ko na gusto niyang malaman ang lahat tungkol kay Nikolai kaya naman hindi ko pinagdamot sa kanya ang mga bagay na iyon.
“Why did you name him Christian Nikolai?” he asked me while raising his eyebrow. Gusto ko namang matawa dahil alam ko naman na alam niya kung saan galing ang pangalan ni Nikolai.
“Well, they all know he’s Ian’s son… so we’ve decided na--”
“Kahit na, baby. Dapat hindi mo pinangalanan na ganoon…” sumimangot namang muli si Jahann at umiling. Hindi ko na napigilang matawa sa kanya.
“We’re calling him Nikolai, though…” I held his hand and squeezed it. “So whenever I am calling him, I am also thinking about you…”
I can’t put a name on what I am feeling right now. I know that sooner or later, we’re going to face our parents, everyone… and I am scared. I am really scared about that.
I squeezed Jahann’s hand again, but right now, all I know is that I am happy. I am really happy I got the chance to be with him… to say what I truly feel… to be able to share things with him.
I know I am going to hell because of this… but for once… I want to fight for Jahann.
Nagpatuloy na lang kami sa pagkain at tinulungan ko na rin siyang magligpit ng pinagkainan.
Hindi man dit nanunuluyan si Jahann, napapanatili pa ring malinis ito dahil may pumupuntang kasambahay namin para maglinis.
I was looking outside the window when Jahann walked towards me and hugged me tight from behind. When I checked the news, they said there’s a typhoon right now.
“We have to go home,” sabi ko kay Jahann habang nakayakap siya sa akin.
“Hmm?” he asked, as if he didn't hear what I said.
“We have to go home nga…” nakasimangot na sabi ko naman kay Jahann habang nasa may tabi kami ng bintana at nakatingin sa labas. Mas hinigpitan niya pa ang pagkakayakap sa akin.
I was looking outside while it was still raining hard. Kaninang pumasok ako sa school hanggang sa pagpunta namin sa unit ni Jahann ay madilim ang langit pero ngayon ay napakalakas na ng buhos ng ulan.
“It’s still raining…” he whispered before nuzzling on my neck.
“Jahann…” I stopped him. I felt him chuckled against my neck. Para namang nagtayuan ang mga balahibo ko nang maramdaman ko ang labi niya sa leeg ko.
“Jahann Nikolai!” I looked at him, flushed.
He laughed softly and hugged me tight instead.
“We really have to go home, ang lakas ng ulan, oh. Baka hindi tayo makauwi niyan kung hindi pa tayo aalis…” aya ko naman sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung dito ba mananatili sa condo niya si Jahann o hindi dahil wala naman itong nabanggit sa akin. Kung sakali ay magtataxi na lang ako pauwi sa bahay.
Sa lakas ng ulan ay malaki ang tsansa na magbabaha sa mga daan kaya naman mas mainam na habang maaga pa ay makaalis na kami para makauwi.
“Jahann…” I called him again.
Napalingon naman kami nang sabay magring ang phone namin. Kumunot ang noo ko at naglakad para i-check iyon. It was Alyanna.
I looked at Jahann when he picked up his phone. “Hello, Ai?”
So, it was Airi…
I heaved a sigh and answered Alyanna’s call. “Hello, Aly?” I walked towards the kitchen and pulled a chair.
“Where are you? Are you going home?” she asked me.
“Uhm…” I bit my lower lip. Hindi ko alam kung sasabihin ko ba sa kanya na kasama ko ngayon si Jahann at nasa condo niya ako.
“I think there’s a vacant rooms sa hotel malapit sa school, twin. You should just check in there…” Alyanna said before I could decide what to tell her.
“Huh? Why…?” I asked her instead.
“Masyadong malakas ‘yung ulan and ‘yung daan is flooded na. I’m gonna stay with Lean tonight. You?” she asked again. Naririnig ko pa rin sa news sa TV ang tungkol sa lakas ng ulan.
So, hindi talaga ako makakauwi ngayon?
“Uhm, yeah, sure. Maghohotel na lang ako…” ani ko bago nagpaalam kay Alyanna. Hindi ko na sinabi sa kanya na kasama ko si Jahann ngayon. Nabanggit nito na nagsabi na ito kay Daddy ng tungkol sa plano nito at alam ko naman na mag-aaggree si Daddy lalo pa at delikado nang bumiyahe pauwi sa ganoong panahon.
Nakita ko si Jahann na nakatingin sa akin nang ibaba ko ang tawag. Hindi ko alam kung gaano na ba siya katagal na nakamasid sa akin.
“I already called mom and told her you’re with me,” he walked towards me and held my hands. “You’ll stay here, right?” he asked me. His voice was soft and gentle.
“As if I have a choice,” I smiled at him. “Alyanna called and she can’t go home, too…” sabi ko kay Jahann na tumango naman bilang sagot. Sinabi ko na rin sa kanya kung saan magpapalipas ng gabi si Alyanna.
“Si… Airi. Bakit siya tumawag?” tanong ko naman dito nang tumayo na ito. Sumunod naman na ako sa kanya.
“She’s just asking if I was out. I told her I’m in here,” he replied. Hinawakan niya muli ang kamay ko at iginiya ako papunta sa kwarto niya.
“So, alam niya ‘tong condo mo?” tanong kong muli bago naupo sa kama habang nakatingin kay Jahann. He looked at me and cocked his head on the side. “No, baby. Hindi niya alam…” he replied. Muli itong nagtingin ng mga damit bago kumuha ng t-shirt at shorts at inabot sa akin.
Pinagmasdan ko ang loob ng kwarto ni Jahann at wala rin iyong pinagkaiba mula nang huli ko itong makita…
Pinamulahan naman ako ng pisngi nang may maalala ako sa kwartong iyon.
I cleared my throat and heaved a sigh to wipe the thought away.
“You can use these,” ani Jahann bago naupo sa tabi ko. “Do you need anything else?” hinawakan niya ang kamay ko.
I looked at him and heaved a sigh. “Can you stop calling Airi, Ai?” alam ko na ang selfish ng request ko sa kanya. It’s selfish and immature…
Kumunot ang noo ni Jahann sa akin. “Why? What’s wrong with that?” tanong niya sa akin. Para namang gusto kong mapairap sa tanong niya sa akin.
As if naman hindi siya aware sa tawagan nila mommy at daddy!
Ai means love.
Whenever he’s calling Airi that, he’s calling her love.
“Ai means love…” mahinang sabi ko sa kanya. Ayoko lang talaga na naririnig na ganoon ang tawag niya kay Airi o sa kung sino pa.
Napalingon ako nang marinig ko ang pagtawa ni Jahann.
“Creep, I am just calling her Ai because that’s her nickname. I’m not calling her love,” he smiled at me and hugged me tight. “You’re my only Ai.”
“No, don’t call me that…” I pushed him a little and looked at him. He creased his forehead, confused.
“I don’t want you to call me Ai.” Seryosong sabi ko sa kanya. Hindi naman nakasagot si Jahann. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin, marahil ay nagtataka tungkol sa sinabi ko. “I’m your Creep.” I added after a few moments.
Jahann chuckled and nodded a little.
“Yes, you are and you are just mine, Creep.”
Tumango naman ako sa kanya at ikinawit ang mga braso sa leeg niya. Hinapit niya ako at hinalikan ang mga labi.
I kissed him back and hugged him tighter.
It looks like I’m really gonna stay here at Jahann’s condo for tonight…