We’re still in the living room and I still can’t believe what Jahann just said. Kahit si Alyanna ay halatang nabigla sa sinabi ni Jahann sa amin.
He never mentioned anything like that to me.
“Mikael… how could he say that he’s adopted…?” tanong muli ni Mommy kay Daddy. Patuloy ang pagtulo ng luha ni Mommy habang nakatingin kay Daddy. “He’s not…” hinawakan nito ng mahigpit ang braso ni Daddy.
“Jahann, are you just making that up? Para masabi mo na pwede na kayo ni Cherinna? That’s so fucked up, you know?” tanong ni Alyanna sa lalaki. Tumingin siya sa akin. “Alam mo ba ito?” tanong niya naman sa akin. “Alam mo ba ‘yang sinasabi niya?”
Napailing ako bilang sagot. “Hindi…” I answered softly. I looked at Jahann again. Marahan kong pinisil ang kamay niya. “What are you talking about? Anong bang sinasabi mo na ampon ka…?” hindi ko na rin napigilan ang pagtulo ng luha ko habang nakatingin sa kanya.
Alam ko naman na mahirap ang sitwasyon namin pero hindi naman din madaling tanggapin na sasabihin niyang ampon siya…
Jahann looked at me. I saw his eyes clouding up with tears.
“Jahann…”
“What are you talking about, Jahann?” Dad asked him. Seryoso ang mukha nito habang nakatingin sa lalaki. Hinawakan ni Daddy ang kamay ni Mommy at tinignan ito. “He’s not adopted, Ai,” Dad said, assuring Mommy about that matter. He looked at Jahann again. “What are you talking about? Where did you get that idea?” he asked, he tightened his jaw while looking at him.
Jahann looked at dad and chuckled sarcastically. “I am not an Anderson, why can’t you just admit it, Dad?” tanong pabalik ni Jahann kay Daddy. I pulled his hand gently. Hindi ko alam kung saan ba nakuha ni Jahann ang idea na ampon siya pero alam ko na hindi pa rin niya dapat sinsasagot ng ganoon si Daddy.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang sinasabi niya, ano ang kwento sa likod ng mga binitiwan niyang salita pero alam ko na hindi niya pa rin dapat kausapin ng ganon ang mga magulang namin.
In the first place, kami ang may mali rito.
“Jahann!” saway ni Alyanna sa lalaki. Nakikita ko ang pangingilid na rin ng luha sa mga mata ni Alyanna. Alam kong maging ito ay nasasaktan dahil sa nalalaman. I know she’s mad at us but I can also see the pain in her eyes.
“That’s the truth! That’s why there’s nothing wrong with me being in love with Cherinna. Kasi hindi niyo naman ako anak!” kumuyom ang kamay ni Jahann.
He’s starting to cry, too.
I bit my lower lip and looked at him.
“How can you say that you’re not an Anderson?!” mataas ang boses na sabi ni Mommy habang nakatingin kay Jahann. Hindi pa rin ito tumitigil sa pag-iyak habang nakatingin sa amin ni Jahann. “I almost died when I gave birth to you! I almost died, Jahann! How could you say that now?” tumalikod ito sa amin at patuloy na umiyak.
We all know that.
When mom gave birth to Jahann, they told us that they almost lost her. Naaksidente noon si Mommy at nalagay silang dalawa ni Jahann sa alanganin.
“But it’s the truth…” Jahann told her. “I grew up thinking I am your son, but it turned out, I am not. Dad adopted me to replace your dead son.”
“What are you talking about?” Mommy looked at him before turning her head to Daddy. “Dead son? No…”
Mas sumeryoso ang mukha ni Daddy habang nakatingin kay Jahann. Kahit ako ay naguguluhan sa nangyayari. Hindi ko alam kung saan ba nakuha ni Jahann ang mga impormasyon na sinsabi nito ngayon sa amin.
“Where did you get that nonsense? Who’s feeding you with that false information?” Dad asked Jahann, he clenched his fist. Lumingon din siya sa akin ngunit hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang ibig sabihin ng tingin na iyon.
“What is he talking about, Mikael?” tanong muli ni Mommy kay Daddy. “Anong namatay ‘yung anak natin?” she bowed her head and shook it after. “Hindi namatay! Jahann is our son! I know that!”
I bit my lip hard as I heard her sobs.
I never wanted to see her crying again. Kung meron man, gusto ko iyak na lang iyon ng kasiyahan pero hindi ko rin malaman kung bakit ba lagi ko nalang silang dinidisappoint ni Daddy…
“Ai…” hinawakan ni Daddy ang magkabilang balikat ni Mommy. “Listen to me, I will find out who’s telling him those nonsense things…”
“Is it really nonsense, Dad?” putol ni Jahann sa sinasabi ni Daddy. Muli naman itong napalingon sa kanya.
“Stop now, Jahann.”
“Didn’t you get a child from Child’s Hope to replace your son? Because you know that mom will get hurt once she finds out what happened to your… to your real son…” ani Jahann bago lumingon kay Mommy.
Pain was also visible in Jahann’s eyes. Wala namang may alam sa amin kung ano ba ang totoo sa mga sinasabi ni Jahann. Kung ano ba ang basis nito sa pagsasabi ng mga bagay na iyon pero alam kong nasasaktan siya ngayon.
“No! You are my son! How could you say that, Jahann?” Mommy said while crying. She looked at Jahann with sadness in her eyes. “I almost died for you, I almost died giving birth to you, so how could you say that?!” muling nagtaas ang boses ni Mommy dahil sa sinabi ni Jahann sa kanya.
“Just because you’re in love with your sister, you will say those things? Sasabihin mong ampon ka?!” puno ng sama ng loob na sabi niya habang nakatingin kay Jahann.
He bowed his head.
“And what are you talking about Child’s Hope?” nilingon ni Mommy si Daddy. “Anong kinuha mong bata? Anong sinasabi ni Jahann?” muling pagkwesityon niya rito.
Tumingin si Daddy kay Jahann. “It was nothing, Ai.”
“That’s not nothing! Bakit niya iniisip na ampon siya?” muling lumingon si Mommy sa amin ni Jahann.
Hawak ko ang kamay ni Jahann. Marahan ko iyong pinisil.
“Love, that’s really nothing, okay?” he heaved a sigh before looking at Jahann. “I’d like to know who told you those things, Jahann.”
Mommy turned her head on me. “Is this part of your plan? So can we accept what you did?” she asked me. Tears kept falling from her eyes.
“What…?” I looked at her and shook my head. “No…” halos walang boses kong sabi sa kanya.
“She doesn’t know that,” Jahann said, pulling me to stay behind me. “I told you, if you want to get mad, get mad at me,” tumingin siya kay Mommy. Jahann cleared his throat and sniffed before looking at Daddy.
“Am I wrong? Am I not adopted?” basag ang tinig na sabi niya habang nakatingin kina Mommy at Daddy. “I grew up thinking I am your son, but as it turns out, I am not…”
Hindi nagsalita si Mommy habang nakatingin kay Jahann. Bakas sa mukha nito ang sakit sa bawat pagsabi ni Jahann na ampon ito.
“You’re an Anderson,” Dad told him.
“Then how could I have evidence that I am adopted?” He looked at Dad and he smiled sadly.
“Stop saying you’re adopted!” sabi ni Mommy sa kanya, patuloy ang paghagulgol niya habang nakatingin kay Jahann. Maging si Alyanna ay nakita kong pinapalis ang luha sa mga pisngi.
“But, I am, and I am in love with Cherinna, Mom…” Jahann said softly. “I’m not making this up just to reason out for you and for Dad. I am saying this because that’s the truth…” he added.
Muling umiling si Mommy sa kanya. “I know that you are my son and it pains me hearing those words from you…” sabi niya habang hindi matigil ang pag-iyak.
“Love…” hinawakan ni Daddy ang braso ni Mommy.
“We can do a DNA test if you want…” biglang sabi ni Jahann. Nilingon ko siya nang sabihin niya iyon.
Gusto kong magtanong sa kanya kung saan ba niya nakuha ang mga sinasabi niya dahil alam kong hindi siya magsasalita ng isang sensitibong bagay na katulad noon kung wala naman siyang ebidensya.
Nag-angat ng tingin si Mommy kay Jahann. “What…? What for?” humihikbing tanong nito kay Jahann. “Anak kita. Anak ko kayo, bakit kailangan mong pagdudahan ang bagay na iyon?” ani Mommy sa kanya habang nakatingin ng diretso sa mga mata nito.
“Jahann, that’s enough already,” hinila ni Daddy ang kamay ni Mommy. “Ai, we’ll talk about this tomorrow. Get some rest already…” sabi nito.
“No…” umiling ito habang patuloy ang paghagulgol. “I won’t agree to that stupid DNA test because I know you are my son!” malakas ang sabi ni Mommy habang umiiyak.
I heard Dad cussed before hugging our Mom. “Calm down, Ai…” he said softly before looking at Jahann.
Patuloy naman sa pag-iyak si Mommy habang nakayakap kay Daddy.
“Anak natin sila, eh…” ani Mommy sa pagitan ng paghikbi.
Napayuko na lang ako. Hindi ko akalain na sa mangyayaring pagpapaalam namin ng relasyon namin ni Jahann ay ganito ang kahahantungan.
Napatingin ako sa kamay kong hawak ni Jahann. Hindi niya ako binibitawan sa kabila ng lahat ng nangyayari. Hinawakan ko siya ng mahigpit.
Marahil nga ay kabaliwan na ngayon ang nangyayari sa akin na hindi pagbitaw kay Jahann pero gusto kong maging matapang para sa kanya.
A small part of me is wishing that what he said is true… because if it is, that means we have a chance to be together. Alam kong hindi pa rin naman magiging madali ang lahat pero alam ko na kahit papaano, makakapagbukas iyon ng pintuan para sa aming dalawa ni Jahann.
“That’s the only way you will believe in what I said,” Jahann continued. Maybe this is also the reason why he’s not afraid of being caught. Kumpara sa akin, mas malakas ang loob ni Jahann na ipakita ang nararamdaman niya kahit pa may mga kasama kami…
Iyon ay dahil may alam ito tungkol sa pagkatao nito.
Umiling si Mommy habang yakap-yakap pa rin ito ni Daddy. Nagamot na ito noon sa sakit sa puso pero hindi pa rin naman nakakampante si Daddy sa kalagayan ni Mommy kaya hindi pa rin nito hinahayaan na sumama ang loob nito ng husto.
“Stop it, Jahann.” May pagbabanta na sa boses ni Daddy habang nakatingin sa lalaki.
“Why? We should all know the truth. If you don’t want to believe me now, please, let us have a DNA test, then…” he said, pleading. His voice was laced with sadness and frustration. He may look tough right now, but I know he’s in pain.
Hindi ko lubos maisip kung paano niyang natanggap ang bagay na iyon nang malaman niya ito. Wala pang kasiguraduhan sa sinabi ni Jahann ngunit alam ko na hindi naging madali sa kanya ang proseso sa pag-alam ng bagay na iyon.
He surely did his research since he gathered evidence.
Dad's jaw tightened again as he looked at Jahann. “You want to know if you’re adopted? Go ahead, then,” he said. Napaangat naman ng tingin si Mommy kay Daddy. Halatang nagulat ito sa pagpayag ni Daddy sa kahilingan ni Jahann.
“What…?” she asked him, surprised. Lumayo ito kay Daddy habang nakatingin sa mukha nito. “Pumapayag ka? Bakit…?” umiling ito at muling napahagulgol. “I can’t believe this, Mikael!”
“Let’s just give him what he wants, Ai. He’s our son, the DNA will tell him that, too,” he held Mommy’s hands and looked at her. “Trust me on this, love,” he softly said.
Umiling si Mommy bago itinulak si Daddy. “I am against this!” Muli siyang lumingon sa direksyon ni Jahann. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, you’ve fallen in love with your sister and now you’re claiming you're adopted…”
Hindi nakapagsalita si Jahann habang nakatingin kay Mommy. He’s stopping himself from crying. Hinawakan niya ng mahigpit ang kamay ko.
“Mom…” basag ang tinig na tawag niya rito.
Hilam ang mga mata na tumingin siya sa amin ni Jahann. “I am so disappointed in both of you…” may diin at sakit ang boses ni Mommy nang sabihin niya ang mga salitang iyon. “Gusto mong magpa-DNA test?” she asked Jahann. Hindi naman nakasagot si Jahann dito.
“Do it, by all means. Nang malaman niyong dalawa na walang patutunguhan ‘yang sinasabi niyong relasyon niyo.”
She walked out on us and left the house.
“Mikaela!” tawag naman ni Daddy sa kanya. Mahina itong napamura bago sinundan si Mommy na lumabas ng bahay.
I bit my lower lip as I looked at Jahann. “What was that…? Ano ‘yung sinasabi mo…?” tanong ko sa kanya habang patuloy ang pagtulo ng luha sa mga pisngi ko.
Jahann faced me and hugged me tight.
“Jahann…”
He started sobbing while hugging me tight. He buried his face on my shoulder while he’s crying. This is the first time I saw Jahann like this…
Nakita ko si Alyanna na nakatayo lang at nakatingin sa aming dalawa ni Jahann. Hindi naman ito nagsalita dahil naglakad din ito at nagpunta sa hagdan para umakyat sa kwarto nito.
We’re left alone in the living room.
“Jahann…” muli kong tawag sa lalaki. Hindi ito kumibo, sa halip ay mas niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit.
“I’m not an Anderson…” he said, I could feel the pain in his voice.
I bit my lower lip.
This is one of the rare moments when he’s letting someone see that he has a weakness, too…
Patuloy rin ako sa pag-iyak habang yakap siya. I may not know how painful it is for him… but I can assure him that this time… this time I won’t let him go again…
“I love you…” I softly said to him.
I won’t let you go…