HE’S been trying his best not to gaze at her throughout that dinner. Sahara looked like a high school student with her simple shirt and jeans. Totoo’ng hindi na nito kailangang magbihis ng mamahalin o maglagay ng kung anu-anong make-up para gumanda dahil kahit wala itong kolorete sa mukha ay napakasarap nitong tingnan. She wore her wavy hair down, which he’s been itching to smell and to touch since she arrived.
She said she wanted to talk and apologize for what she had done, or didn’t do. Truth is, he’s furious until now but he couldn’t do anything about it. Gustuhin man niya itong sigawan dahil sa hindi nito pagtupad sa pangako nito noon, hindi niya magawa, lalo na sa mga oras na iyon.
Sahara was so beautiful that the moment she entered the restaurant, it felt like her presence made the entire place radiant. Pinigilan niya ang sarili na salubungin at yakapin at halikan nang lumapit ito sa kinauupuan. He just managed a smile because it was only the right thing to do - because the last time he checked, Sahara is now Architect Aguas’ girl.
“Does he know about this?” hindi niya napigilan ang sariling tanong kay Sahara.
Bahagya itong umiling. “Sinabi ko lang na I’m meeting a...friend.”
A friend. It shouldn’t feel strange but it did. Lalo na nang hindi niya nakitaan ng anumang lungkot o disappointment ang magandang mukha ni Sahara. Yeah, they are just friends now and he must be satisfied with it, he must accept it as a fact. Ano pa nga ba ang ine-expect niya?
“Ace?”
“What?” gulat niyang tanong. Nang tingnan niya si Sahara ay nakatitig ito sa kanya at nakangiti, na hindi niya alam kung bakit.
“Do you need to be somewhere else right now? You seem…lost.”
Yeah, he’s lost. His state where he is right now is probably worse than lost. Pero hindi na niya isinatinig ang nasa isip. Kapwa sila natahimik, kapwa itinuon ang atensiyon sa red wine na iniinom. Paminsan-minsan niyang nahuhuli si Sahara na tumitingin sa kanya, na sana ay hindi na lang nito ginagawa. He’s feeling his heart beating faster every second every time she does that.
“I missed you.”
“What?” Did he hear her right?
Kimi ang ngiti ni Sahara. “I’m sorry…did I make this more awkward than it already is?”
Yes. Why did she have to say that? If he could only leave at that moment, he would. Ayaw na niyang marinig ang mga susunod na sasabihin ni Sahara, at ayaw na niyang makita ang mga mata nitong nakatitig sa kanya. God, why does she have to be like this?
Is she seducing him? He tried avoiding her eyes but he couldn’t.
“You are with someone else now, right?”
Bumuntung-hininga si Sahara. “I know, and I’m sorry.” She sipped her wine before speaking. She just smiled, which puzzled him all the more.
“So, are we done here?” tanong nito pagkatapos tumayo. “Nakapag-sorry ka na, right? At ‘yun lang naman ang dahilan kung bakit ka nakipagkita tonight, right?”
“Akala ko ba, we’re okay?” Kanina lang, sinigurado ni Ace na okay na sila at wala na rito ang nangyari sa kanila noon pero bakit biglang nag-iba ang ihip ng hangin?
“Do you really think that we’re going to be okay? Do you actually think that I’ll be okay with everything after you betrayed me?” Natawa ito, muling umupo at napailing. “Just stop, Sahara. You deserted me so don’t act as if you still care. Don’t call me just to ask me how I am. You already left me so you don’t have the right to care about whatever I wanted to do with my life.”
“Ace-”
“What the hell do you want from me?”
“Your explanation, Ace. ‘Yun lang ang gusto ko ngayon dahil hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit tayo ganito.”
Muli, natawa ito. “Hindi mo maintindihan? Well, let me refresh your memory, Sahara. You came on to me one night, telling me that you’re willing to run away with me, anywhere. You told me that you wanted me, that you wanted to be with me...and I fucking believed you!” Muli itong tumayo at naglabas ng pera na pambayad sa in-order nila. “And do you know what makes everything worse? Na sa dinami-rami ng lalaki na p’wede mong ipalit sa akin, ‘yung kakilala ko pa...’yung tao’ng isa sa pinakamalapit pa sa ‘kin...Ninong ko pa.”
Mahinahon ang pagsasalita ni Ace pero kitang-kita ang galit sa mga mata nito. His face was all red, as if it’s gonna burst into flames any minute.
“What did you see in him, anyway? He’s way older than you, he’s a family man, for Christ’s sake. What is it, huh? Because he’s rich? Well. I’m rich, too, Sahara! Is he that great in bed? Is he better than me, huh? I don’t think so. Now, tell me, Sahara, bakit mas pinili mo siya kaysa sa akin?”
“Dahil nando’n siya nang kailangan ko siya,” mahina niyang tugon.
“At ako, wala?”
Nagsimula nang tumulo ang luha ni Sahara. “Alam mo bang pinalayas ako ni Karen sa townhouse kaya kinailangan kong tumira sa tabi ng estero? Alam mo bang nagtiis ako na sardinas at noodles lang ang pagkain ko araw-araw? Galit na galit ako sa mundo no’n. I wanted to wait for you, gusto kong umasa na hahanapin mo ‘ko, na pupuntahan mo ‘ko pero tulad nilang lahat, iniwan mo rin ako.”
“Hindi kita iniwan, Sahara.” Doon biglang nag-iba ang ekspresyon ng mukha ng binata. Mabilis itong naupo at alanganing hinagod ang likod niya. And that made her cry all the more. “I went to the town house to ask you to live with me. I had everything planned for the two of us...I was even willing to leave my job just to be with you. Pero nalaman ko na lang na lumipat ka na pala. And worse, sumama ka na sa iba.”
“Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko no’n, Ace, feeling ko, mag-isa na lang talaga ako, wala akong kakampi. Kaya no’ng nag-offer si Ricky ng tulong, I had no other choice but to accept it.”
“You had a choice, Sahara. You had the choice to wait for me but because of your greed and ambition, you took the easier, more convenient way out.”