"YOU should marry, Aki. Find a nice woman, get to know her better, marry her and have children. You're thirty-one, pumasok ba ang mga bagay na 'yan sa isip mo?"
She was starting it and he doesn't want to hear the end of it.
"Instead of fretting about me, why don't you find yourself a man? You're not getting any younger, woman," balik niyang tanong sa dalaga upang malihis ang atensiyon nito mula sa kanya. He doesn't want to talk about him. Nakikinita na niya kung saan ang papupuntahan ng kanilang pag-uusap.
"Your kind are a pain in the ass. I doubt if I'll marry someone."
"You are a strong woman, Niko. Way too strong that you can bruise a man's ego. Your superiority can make a man feel unwanted and inferior. Yes, a man wants their woman to be strong but we also want them to lean on us and ask for our help."
"You know why is that, cousin? Because your kind cannot accept the fact that women are your equal. We can do what you can and I don't need to be vulnerable to have a long-lasting relationship with a man. If they can't handle me, well, they better piss off!"
His cousin was a strong woman, he secretly admired her toughness. Hindi ito kagaya niya na mahina.
"'Wag mong ibahin ang usapan. We are not talking about me, okay...? You are killing yourself, Aki."
"What?" he said, trying to avoid the topic. Baka sakaling makalusot pa siya.
"You know what I mean! You've been drinking as if it is just a hobby for you. You are an alcoholic, my god! What are you doing with your life?!" she uttered in a mixture of annoyance and terror.
"I'm not an alcoholic. I can control it! And I am living my life the way I want it to be, thank you!" he answered in sarcasm.
"Do you? Really? Why are you so selfish? Hindi mo ba naiisip ang mga taong nagmamahal sa 'yo? Your parents? Siblings? Our family? And your daughter?! For Pete's sake, you have a daughter, Achilles Sanford! She needs her father!" singhal nito sa kanya. Nakaramdam siya ng guilt ng maalala ang tatlong taong gulang na anak na babae na ngayon ay nasa pangangalaga ng mga magulang. "Wake up! Patay na si Claud at Mark! You're still here! You're alive. Move on, Achilles!" He knew that but that doesn't mean he accepted the fact.
"I am trying!" Hindi niya mapigilan ang sarili at tumaas ang boses. "Don't you think that I am damn trying? Damn it!"
Humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa steering wheel at napabilis ang pagpapatakbo sa sinasakyan nila. Naglalaro sa kanyang isipan ang nangyari sa kanyang namayapang asawa at anak. The smile in his son's face, the ambush and their lifeless body.
"Try harder! You may be trying but you are holding yourself back! You are still damn trap in the past!"
Marahas na ipinarada niya ang kotse sa tapat ng presentong pinagtatrabahuan nito nang makarating sila.
Hindi niya mapagilan ang pagtulo ng mga luha mula sa kanyang mga mata. Iniyuko niya ang ulo sa kandungan at pinigilan ang sariling madala sa damdaming namamayani sa kanyang dibdib. The anger, guilt and sadness was consuming his system.
Naramdaman niya ang mga kamay ng pinsang kinakalas ang mga kamao niyang mahigpit ang pagkakahawak sa steering wheel. Gamit ang mga daliri ay inangat ng dalaga ang kanyang mukha. Hindi na siya nahiyang ipakita ang kanyang luhaang mga mata rito. She had seen him in that state many times.
"Live... Life is not just about Claudine and Mark. Your parents, brothers, cousins, I and our relatives, we are still here, Achilles. Can't you see us? If you can't live for yourself then live for us, for your daughter." Lalong nanikip ang kanyang dibdib sa naririnig. Very unmanly speaking but he wanted to shout and whine at the same time. "She needs you. Go visit her. Carry her in your arms and stroll her around the garden, Brianna likes that. Okay?"
Tumango siya rito at bumuntung-hininga. "Okay. I'll try... harder."
"Good. Try harder this time." Tumaas ang mga daliri ng dalaga sa kanyang pisngi at marahang inalis ang mga pumatak na likido na nagmumula sa kanyang mga mata. "Drive safely."
She kissed his cheek before heading out of the car and entered her precinct. Sinundan niya ito ng tingin hanggang sa makapasok sa loob.
"Damn!" Marahas niyang pinahid ang luha sa mga mata bago pinaandar ang sasakyan paalis sa lugar na iyon.
"HEY, YOUNG MAN."
"Pupunta po kami sa mall, Daddy," masayang balita ng limang taong gulang na batang lalaki sa ama nitong nasa screen ng cellphong hawak.
Napangiti si Achilles ng makita ang masayang ngiti sa mukha ng kanyang anak. Nasa barracks siya ng mga oras na iyon at nagpapahinga. He missed his son and seeing his face brought him peace. "Where's your mom?"
"She's driving po." Itinapat ng bata ang aparato sa inang nagmamaneho.
"Hey, Achilles," nakangiting ani ng kanyang asawa na nanatiling nakatuon ang mga mata sa kalsada.
Mas lumapad ang pagkakangiti ng lalaki ng marinig ang boses nito. He miss her too. Naka-deploy siya at ilang buwan na niyang hindi nakikita ang kanyang pamilya. Ilang linggo na lang naman ay puwede na siyang makauwi, kunting tiis nalang.
They had defeated a terrorist group in a part of Mindanao and they were rewarded with vacation leave. He cannot wait to be with his family.
"It's my birthday next month, po, will you come home?"
"It is supposed to be a surprise, but yeah, I'll be home on your birthday."
Lalong kuminang ang mga mata ng bata nang marinig ang kanyang sinabi. "Yehey..." Napangiti siya nang marinig ang kasiyahan nito.
Ang ngiti ay napalitan nang pangungunot ng noo nang biglang nawala ang nasa kabilang linya, ngunit naririnig pa rin niya ang mga tunog.
Tumatahip sa kaba at takot ang kanyang dibdib nang marinig ang mga putok ng baril mula sa kabilang linya. "M-Mommy... D-Daddy... I love you..."
Biglang pagdilat ng mga mata ng binata habang humihingal at puno ng pawis ang kanyang mukha. Mahigit ang pagkakakuyom ng kanyang kamao at nagtatagis ang mga bagang. Another nightmare, a nightmare that really took place in the past. Ang bangungot ng kanyang buhay na kumitil sa buhay ng kanyang anak at asawa ilang taon na ang nakakaraan.
He brushed his hair roughly and blew a ragged breath. Binaklas niya ang comforter mula sa katawan at bumaba ng kama.
Hindi pa sumisikat ang araw ng mga oras na iyon ngunit napagpasyahan niyang lumabas ng kanyang bahay at tinungo ang shop na tinayo nila ng kanyang bagong kaibigan.
Wala pang taong naroon ngunit pumasok siya sa loob at tumuloy sa talyer nila. He and Mason were partners in building that business. They build the Engine Particles and the repair shop out of their interests in cars and motors. It was more of a hobby for both of them.
Inalis niya ang damit at sinimulang ayusin ang mga sasakyang naroon upang ilihis ang isipan sa kanyang bangungot.
How can he forget the past if it kept on plaguing his sleep?
"Fuck!" he cursed crispily and threw the tool he was holding on the ground. Napahawak siya sa magkabilang gilid ng sasakyan at napayuko ang ulo sa makinang umuusok. Subalit wala roon ang kanyang pansin, tuluyan nang natangay ng nakaraan.
Kaya ayaw niyang walang ginagawa dahil palagi niya iyong naiisip. He shouldn't have filed a leave, he shouldn't have had listened to his mother's pleas.
Kung hindi pa hiniling ng kanyang ina na magpahinga siya ay hindi siya liliban sa trabaho. He needed to keep himself busy. But after his last mission, when he almost got hit with a grenade, his mother cried over the phone and begged him to rest for a while. That time, he felt the urged to launch a punch on the General's face, he was sure that he was the one who told his mother about his last mission. The General was his mother's second cousin and he somehow hated that fact, she could pry with his business.
"Fuck yourself."
Agad na lumipad ang kanyang matatalim na mga mata sa nagsalitang iyon. Nabawasan lang ang pangungunot ng kanyang noo nang makita ang nakababatang kapatid na nakasandal sa isa sa mga sasakyang malapit sa kanya. Ni hindi niya napansin ang pagpasok nito.
"What are you doing here, Polo?" he asked with a frown.
Instead of answering, he walked in his direction and offer a man hug, which he accepted immediately. "Yeah, I miss you too, bro," he muttered in sarcasm.
"What are you doing here, anyway?"
Muli niyang dinampot ang tinapon na screw driver at hinarap ang makina ng sasakyan.
Namulsa si Apollo at pinagmasdan ang nakakatandang kapatid. Kapagkuwan ay napailing-iling ng makita ang katawan nito. "I went to your house, there's nothing a single soul left, and I am right, you're here. Tonight's the celebration for the eighty-fifth anniversary of the company, will you be there?"
Hindi niya ito nilingon pagkatapos mapakinggan ang sinabi nito. He wasn't interested in business matters. As the older son of Alexander Sanford, he should've been the heir to his throne in the family business, but being in a suit doesn't work for him. He can't even imagine himself in a suit, he's a man in a uniform.
He felt sorry for his younger brother for handling their father's legacy all by himself. Well, naroon naman ang iba nilang pinsan subalit may iba ring inaasikaso ang mga ito. All the responsibilities and pressures lie on Apollo's shoulder.
"When did you see me attend those events?"
"There's a lot of brandy and whiskey there, that... would surely appeal to you."
His jaw tightened when he heard his sarcasm. He glanced back in his direction and shove his middle finger to his face. "This... is my answer!"
Apollo chuckled in dry amusement and playfully punch his shoulder. "See you there, Kuya." Then he turned around and walked towards the door.
PINALIPAS niya ang maghapon habang nasa talyer siya. Ibinunton niya sa mga sasakyan ang kanyang hinanakit.
"Are you okay, man?"
Walang lingon-lingon na tinanguan niya si Mason na nasa kanyang tabi. Pareho silang nakasandig sa isang sasakyan at may tangan na beer sa mga kamay. Natapos na nila ang mga aayusing makina kaya wala na silang ginagawa. Wala siyang alam sa negosyo, ganoon din ito, kaya ang pinsan niyang si Niccola na asawa rin nito, ang siyang nag-aasikaso sa Engine Particles, na katabi lang ng talyer nila.
They stayed silent for the next minutes, that's what he liked about the man, he won't pry with his personal life. He would just stand there and drink with him and he would wait until he opened up. Iyon marahil ang dahilan kung bakit sila nagkasundo, maliban sa halos pareho sila ng trabaho. Mason was once a Lieutenant Commander on the US Navy Seal, when he retired, he worked as an agent in a private detective agency. He'll be a big asset to the AFP if he'll join them, but since he married his cousin, he had forgotten being a soldier. He once said that he wanted a quiet and happy life with his wife. A life he never had and will never have.
He blew a rough breath before taking a gulp of his beer.
"Enjoying yourselves, huh!"
Sabay silang napabaling ni Mazon sa nagsalitang iyon na nasa bukana ng pintuan. He raised his beer and smiled nonchalantly at his cousin.
Tinapik siya ng kaibigan sa balikat bago nilapitan ang kanyang pinsan na nakatingin sa kanila.
"Hindi ka pa ba uuwi?" He shook his head as an answer to her question. "Maglalasing ka na naman?" nagdududang anito at pinaningkit ang mga mata bilang babala.
"Just this." Sabay taas ng hawak na beer. "Take her home, Mason," simpleng taboy niya sa dalawa.
Nang makaalis ang mga ito ay marahas siyang napabuntung-hininga. Gaya ng sinabi niya sa pinsan ay umalis siya roon nang maubos ang hawak na beer.
Hindi siya dumiretso pauwi at minaniobra ang kanyang motorsiklo patungo sa isang partikular na lugar.
Hinarang siya ng guwardiya at hindi agad pinapasok. Pinasadahan pa siya nito nang tingin mula ulo hanggang paa. Nang muling mapatingin sa kanyang mukha ay nakita niya ang bahagya nitong pag-atras. He must be intimidated.
Bago pa ito makapagsalita ay inilabas niya ang pinataka sa likurang bahagi ng pantalon at ipinakita rito ang kanyang mga I.D. Hindi na niya hinintay ang isasagot nito at agad na pumasok sa loob.
He walked slowly towards the corner and surveyed his eyes around the hall. All the guests were dressed formally while he's in his ripped jeans, combat shoes and leather jacket. He shouldn't have been there, he seemed very out of place. But he cannot resist the request of the woman who gave birth to him. Before Apollo went to him, his mother had texted him and begged him to come to the party.
Hinanap niya ang kanyang ina at nang makita itong may kausap kasama ng kanyang ama ay nanatili siya sa isang sulok. Nang mapadaan ang waiter ay agad siyang kumuha ng alak na dala nito.
He spiritlessly roamed his eyes around, he'd better be on the battlefield where bullets are flying than to a party full of business-minded individuals.
Tapik sa balikat ang pumukaw sa kanyang pansin. Agad niyang ibinaling ang piningin kay Apollo na bahagyang nakataas ang sulok ng mga labi. "You really came for the alcohol."
"Piss off, Polo," he muttered and took a quick glance at the woman beside her brother who was smiling seductively at him. He knows a bitch when he sees one. He was also sure that his brother knows that, a passing fancy perhaps.
"We'll talk later, I have some business to attend to... Fuck these old men!" he hissed between his teeth.
"Suit yourself." Naglalakad na paalis ang dalawa ay nakatingin pa rin sa kanya ang babae. Well, he doesn't give a damn, she's not his type.
Nang makitang umalis ang kausap ng mga magulang ay malalaki ang hakbang na tinungo niya ang direksiyon ng dalawa. He saw how his mother's face lit up when she saw him.
He nodded at his father and kissed his mother on her cheek. Ramdam niya ang tingin ng ibang naroon sa kanila subalit wala siyang pakialam sa mga ito.
"I'm glad you came, Son," Alexander uttered hopefully. He doesn't want to give his old man a false idea of him being there, he won't take his seat. Never!
"I'm sure mom is glad too. So, this rebel son of yours attended the party just like what you wanted. Now, I must go."
He kissed his mother's cheek again and tapped his father's shoulder before turning his back and took long strides. He can hear his father's calling his name, uncaring enough, he raised his wine glass towards Apollo's direction who was shaking his head in amusement.
His family was used to him being the heartless dick.