"Damn, calculus!" inis kong sabi habang nagre-review ako para sa palapit na pasukan.
Paano? Kabado bente dahil halos lahat ng lesson dito ay limot ko na.
Ang nakakainis pa ay nakakatakot ang ibang kwento ng iilang higher years sa amin. May group chat na kasi kami kasama ang ilang higher years at ang iba pa ay officer ng mismong Mechanical Engineering Student Council.
Nakakakaba talaga.
"Oh, ba't ka riyan nagmumura, Sav?" Tita Suzette suddenly came in my bedroom.
I took a glanced at her and read again the the topic I have been reviewing for days. Yes, I was already reviewing a onw topoc for days, but until now, I still can't understand it.
Nakakainis kaya!
"Wala po, Tita." I calmly answered Tita.
I heard her footsteps from behind and I know she was already heading towards me. Napangalumbaba na lang tuloy ako sa harap ng librong binabasa ko at doon tinitigan ang mga nakakalulang numero na may iba't ibang mathematics symbols.
"Hindi ka magmumura kung wala lang 'yon. Ano ba kasing pinagkaka-stress-an mo rito?" tanong niya ulit at nang nandito na siya sa tabi ko ay napatingin ako sa kaniya.
She was wearing a down button shirt tucked in with her blue jeans. She stood beside me, while I'm getting stressed of what I'm reviewing.
"So, you're reviewing?" tanong niya sa akin kahit na obvious naman na. I didn't answered her because I believe that she already knew what I'm doing. "If you can't understand the topic, try browsing on your phone and watch vidoes." tugon nito sa akin kaya napatango ako.
Damn! Why it didn't came into my mind?!
"It's helpful, Sav." tugon niya pa kaya kinuha ko ang aking cellphone na ngayon ay naka-turn off para makapag-focus talaga ako sa pag-aaral.
I've been doing this since last week since I don't have choice, but to review my notes on my own. I shouldn't depend on my friends all the time because, I know we're going to be busy. Iba iba pa naman ang course na kinuha namin, ngunit may iilang parehas naman katulad ng sa General Education Curriculum na subjects.
Isa pa, hindi rin naman parehas ang paaralan na pinapasukan namin nila Ken, so I should double my time in reviewing. Haisely pursue the course in Civil Engineering, Ken studied in UST though she was also a qualifier here un BU. While Ralph studied in DWCL, but his course was the same with Haisely.
Kami na lang ni Haisely ang magkakasama sa iisang campus ngunit iba naman ang course na kinuha namin. Wala pa akong close masyado sa magiging kaklase namin kaya mas lalo akong kinakabahan.
"Yes, Tita. Thanks!" sambit ko at binuksan ang app na Youtube.
"Watching on youtube tutorials is really helpful. But try also to answer in actual the problems on your book." tugon pa niya sa akin kaya tumango ako.
Nanood lang ako sa youtube ng iba't ibang tutorials at doon ko mas nakuha kung paano ba nangyari ang keneme na nandito sa libro.
Yeah, I hate Math, but I can't do anything about this.
Nakapasa na ako sa kursong gustong-gusto ni Mama eh.
But while I was watching tutorials in youtube, someone called on my phone. Napapikit tuloy ako sa inis dahil sa tumawag. This is why I hate reviewing while I'm with my phone because there's so many distractions!
I rolled my eyes and click the green button on my phone to answer the call. "What is it?" I asked furiously.
"Highblood ka na naman?" natatawa nitong tanong sa akin kaya napairap ako.
Kung kausap ko lang ang taong 'to ngayon nang harapan ay baka nasapok ko na. I knew that he just called me because he's going to annoy me!
"Not now, Octav. I'm busy here!" bulyaw ko sa kaniya pero natawa lang siya lalo sa kabilang linya.
"Savannah Caroline, kalma lang." sambit nito kaya napahinga ako nang malalim. "Anong ginagawa mo?"
"I'm reviewing my notes," I answered and there I heard a girl voice calling him. Uminit ang dugo ko lalo sa kaniya. "Don't you ever call me again. You bastard!" I told him and I rushed to end the call.
I blocked his number on my phone, so that I won't receive any messages and call from him. I have never been too harsh like this, but to him? Ewan ko ba at nakakainis talaga.
Naisip ko tuloy ang mga nangyari ilang buwan ang nakalilipas kaya uminom ako ng tubig. There was still bruises on my mind and on my heart. And I don't know on how will I cope with it. Minsan ay pinapakalma ko na lang ang sarili ko dahil wala naman ibang gagawa no'n sa akin.
I went back on reviewing my notes for another two hours and I'm thanking God because I was able to absorb all of the topic. May ibang naguguluhan pa ako, pero ayos na 'yon.
Bumaba na rin ako makalipas pa ng ilang minuto dahil tinatawag na ako ng katulong nila Tita at kakain na raw ng pananghalian. I silently went on the kitchen, but I gulped when I saw who was inside there.
"Oh, Sav?" tanong niya sa akin kaya nangilabot ang aking buong katawan. "Long time, no see." he uttered and walked towards on my direction.
Hindi ako makagalaw sa aking kinatatayuan nang makita siyang muli. I had never seen him after that incident and seeing him here makes me tremble.
Bakit nandito siya?
"W-What are you doing here?" I asked him nervously.
"Well, I'm your Ate Glez's boyfriend. What do you expect?" tanong niya at nag ngising aso pa sa akin kaya napalunok ako.
Damn!
"Oh, nagkita na pala kayo ulit?" Ate Glez butt in and there I saw her devilish smile. But knowing Ate Glez, I knew that it was a fake smile. "Don't worry because he won't harm you like what Matthew did." natatawa pa nitong sabi kaya tumango ako.
"Why don't you join us to eat, Sav?" anyaya sa akin ni Lloyd kaya napataas ang aking kilay sa kaniya.
"No, thanks." I answered and forced a smile.
Yes, Lloyd is here and he was now Ate Glez's boyfriend. Wala naman akong alam sa lovelife ni Ate Glez ngunit nakakabigla lang talaga.
Lloyd transfered to another school after knowing that his bestfriend tried to harassed me. Hindi niya iyon natanggap kagaya na lang ni Ralph. And it resulted to friendship over to the three of them. Ang hindi ko nga lang alam ay kung bakit si Ate Glez pa ang naging girlfriend niya kung kasbawat naman siya ni Matthew.
I just don't know.
"I'm here to drink water, thanks." I added and took a glanced at him.
"I heard that you passed the Bicol University College Entrance Test, huh?" tanong niya at tumango ako.
Alam ko namang wala siyang kasalanan doon pero dahil naging kaibigan na rin siya ni Matthew at hindi ko maiwasang maisip ulit 'yon.
But one thing for sure, I'm getting better than before.
"Uhm... Yes," I said and drunk water.
Umalis rin ako kaagad doon at bumalik sa aking kwarto para matulog. Nawalan ako ng ganang kumain kaya tiniis ko na lang ang aking gutom. I can't eat alone when Ate Glez and Rhea are around.
Nagising na lang ulit ako dahil sa patak ng pawis sa aking noo habang hingal ako sa aking paghinga.
Damn! I dreamed again of him!
Saktong pag-upo ko sa aking kama ay ang pagpasok muli ni Tita sa aking kwarto kaya kaagad kong pinunasan ang aking luha. I'm tired of this shit for years. Ni hindi ko na alam kung kailan ba talaga 'to mawawala.
But yeah, I'm thanking God because this is not happening for now and then. Ngunit ngayon ay napaginipan ko na naman!
"Are you okay?" malambing niyang tanong kaya umiling ako.
Lumapit siya sa akin at niyakap ako nang mahigpit. Because of what Tita did, I cried on her shoulders and burst into tears. It feels like home.
Her hugs feels like home, as if she was my real mother.
"Tita, kailan ba 'to mawawala?" tanong ko habang humihikbi.
Takot pa rin ako hanggang ngayon.
There's some days that I'm feeling really okay, but today, I feel like I'm not okay.
"Hindi ko alam, Sav." sagot niya sa akin kaya napatango ako. "But I know, you're going to be better." she told me and kissed me on my head.
"Hindi ba talaga kayo p'wede ngayong Sabado?" tanong ko habang nakaharap sa cellphone ko.
I was video calling my friends and asking them if they can join me. May bibilhin kasi akong libro sa Physics at iilang gamit para sa pasukan. Next week na kasi 'yon.
"Hindi ako p'wedeng umalis ng bahay ngayon, Sav." sambit ni Haisely. "Binabantayan ko ang mga kapatid ko at maglalaba rin ako ng mga damit namin," she added and the least thing I can do is to nod at her.
"Hindi rin ako p'wede kasi may pupuntahan din akong lakad." sambit rin ni Ken kaya napatango na rin ako.
Ang daya naman!
Maybe I will used to this kind of answer from them. We're getting bussier each day.
"Isama na lang natin 'yang dalawa mong kapatid, Haisely." I smiled at her and raised my brow at her.
Mababait naman ang dalawa niyang kapatid at alam kong kaya naman namin silang alagaan.
Hanggang ngayon kasi ay hindi pa ako sanay sa lakad mag-isa sa mall.
"Hindi talaga p'wede at baka magalit din si Papa." malungkot niyang sabi.
"Sige, salamat na lang sa lahat." I joked and their facial reactions changed immediately.
"Sige na, Sav! Maglakad-lakad ka na mag-isa sa mall, malay mo 'di ba?" nag ngiting aso si Ken kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.
"Ayan ka na naman kay Octav," I rolled my eyes on her.
"Siya na lang kasi ang yayain mo! H'wag ka nang mahiya at saka fafa naman 'yon!" natatawa niya pang sabi kaya napailing ako.
Simula nang araw na inistorbo ako ni Octav habang nagre-review ako ay hindi ko pa naalis sa blocked number. Kaya ayon, wala kaming komunikasyon simula last week.
"Ewan ko sa 'yo!" I told her. "Sige na at i-end ko na 'to," sambit ko at bago ko pa matapos ang tawag ay may sinabi pa si Ken.
"Magkakabebe na iyang abunjing abunjing na Savannah na 'yan!" Kennedy joked.
Inayos ko na muli ang aking sarili at humarap muli sa salamin kung ayos lang ba ang itsura ko. I was just wearing a simple tee shirt tucked in with my high waist jeans and a pair of white shoes.
Pakababa ko ay nagpaalam na lang muna ako sa katulong dahil may trabaho ngayon sila Tita. I rode on a jeepney and when I reached my destination, I immediately went to National Book Store.
Namimili ako ng mga libro ngunit halos na nandito ay pang high school na libro kaya natagalan pa ako roon. I even asked the saleslady, but she doesn't know what's the difference between the books.
Nag-browse pa tuloy ako sa messenger ng aming group chat dahil doon nila sini-send ang mga libro na kakailanganin namin.
"Wow," I whispered when I saw the price on the book.
It was a book of Physics for Engineers and it costs one thousand plus!
"May Chemistry for Engineers din po ba kayo?" tanong ko sa saleslady kaya kaagad niya naman 'yong kinuha. "Thanks," I said and read the preliminary pages.
Ang kakapal ng libro kaya ito na lang muna yata ang bibilhin ko at limang notebooks at signpen.
"Hey!"
Napalingon ako kung sino ang tumatawag sa akin at sumalubong naman sa akin ang nakangiting si Octav. Kung sinu-swerte ka nga naman talaga eh 'no?
We were just talking about him earlier and now he's here.
"Ano iyan?" tanong niya sa akin habang sinusuri ang hawak-hawak kong mga libro.
"Panggatong," I sarcastically answered that made him chuckled.
"Ang mahal naman ng papel na panggatong mo," natatawa niyang sabi kaya inirapan ko siya. "Big time ka nga," dagdag niya pa para lalo akong maasar.
"P'wede ring panampal, Octav. Do you want me to try it on your face?" I asked him.
"Off topic," he said and looked at the bookshelves beside him. "College ka na hindi ba?" tanong niya sa akin kaya tumango ako at pumunta counter.
May kinuha siya roong libro sa book shelf at libro rin naman 'yon ng calculus. He followed me on the counter while I'm handling the books I bought.
"Oo," tipid kong sagot. "Ikaw?" tanong ko pabalik sa kaniya.
"I'm an engineer," he said that made me looked at him.
Napangiti siya sa akin at nang magtama ang aming mga mata ay umiwas din ako kaagad.
"Talaga ba?" hindi ko makapaniwalang tanong sa kaniya.
"Yeah, bakit mukhang hindi ka naniniwala?" natatawa niyang tanong sa akin kaya inirapan ko siya.
"If you're an engineer, sa tingin mo ba ay tama 'tong mga librong binili ko?" I asked hum casually, though I was hesitant to raised a brow at him.
"Yeah, actually, all of that are useful. Engineering din ba ang kinuha mo?" tanong niya naman ngayon kaya tumango ako sa kaniya.
"Isn't it obvious?" I asked him and handed the books on the casheir.
"May kasama ka ba?" tanong niya kaya umiling ako. "By the way, did you lost your phone or destroy it?" taka niyang tanong sa akin kaya napangiti ako.
Naalala ko nga palang naka-blocked siya sa cellphone ko kaya hindi niya ako magawang matagawan. And even though, he was sending me messages, I can't receive it.
"Tinatanong kita, Sav." masungit niyang sambit kaya natawa pa ako nang bahagya.
I wasn't comfortable with any man except from Ralph and Tito, but yeah, here I am and talking to him. Well, he was still a stranger to me, though I knew his name.
"I blocked you," tipid kong sabi at kinuha na ang paper bag kung saan naakabalot ang mga librong binili ko.
But when I was about to get it from the cashier, Octav immediately got it. Ibinigay niya na rin ang binili niyang libro sa cashier.
"Akin na 'yan," tugon ko sa kaniya, pero umiling lang siya.
"Ako na," sambit niya at napailing na lang sa kaniya.
Napaisip tuloy ako na kung hindi ba namin siya pinag-uusapan kanina ay hindi ko rin ba siya makikita ngayon? This was all sudden!
"Mabigat 'to para sa babaeng patpatin kagaya mo," irap niya sa akin kaya pinalo ko ang kaniyang balikat. "Oh? Namamalo pa," aniya sa akin kaya napatawa ako dahil tinarayan niya pa ako.
Gosh! Daig niya pa ako sa pagtaray!
"Wala ka bang kasama?" tanong ko sa kaniya at umiling naman siya.
"Bring this instead," tugon niya sa akin at binigay ang iisang librong nakabalot na kaniyang binili. Kinuha ko 'yon at sumabay sa paglakad sa kaniya. "Saan ka ba pupunta sa susunod?" tanong niya kaya napaisip ako.
"None," I said because I was just really planning to buy some books.
"Do you mind if you have some date with me?"