Ryan POV:-
“Argh.”
I was sitting in my office, deep in thoughts. My mind is clouded with enigmatic thoughts that are making me feel uneasy and disgusted too, like how can I like Rebecca being close to me?
“That rude, irritating and cold woman is the most undesirable woman.” I growled, rubbing my temples.
“Then why the hell do I feel attracted to her?! Why does her tears soften my heart?” I growled, slamming my hand on the table.
Why the urge to explore those ice walls, what despair hidden deep inside her always got the best of me?
When I want to become her darkness, then why do I want to know what is her darkness?
“Why do I feel compassion for her?!” I asked myself, hissing under my breath.
The door knocked and my assistant entered, “Are you alright, Sir?” She asked.
“Yeah, why?” I asked, frowning at her.
“I heard a noise outside so I thought I might ask.” She replied vaguely. Maybe I should keep my thoughts inside my head.
“It’s nothing. You go.” I ordered.
She shrugged and left me alone in my strain.
“Fuck” I cursed under my breath and looked away.
‘What is happening to me?’
This is affecting my mind drastically, like why I want to know the woman I have no interest in.
“Why does her tears evoke sorrow in me too?”
I let out a low growl as I slammed my hand on the table.
What is your despair? Why do you shut yourself out?
“Damned woman.”
I banged my head on the table as I closed my eyes.
Maybe for a second, I should think about her, not as Marianne's sister or someone who betrayed me but rather as my wife.
“Okay, try thinking from a different perspective.” I breathed out.
“Okay, my wife who apparently hates me and is secretly devoted to me.” I made the first point.
“The woman who is deep in darkness as her heart is filled with devastation but she doesn't show it and acts as if she is not getting affected by it.” Followed by the second.
“Like she is all alone and lost hopes of living, just fulfilling her duty to breathe and stay alive... somehow lifeless.” I trailed off, going off track when my mind stopped.
My heart hurts only by thinking about it.
Submerged in grief and mysteries.
“And if I come. To myself... I never tried to comfort her when she needed me.” And it induced guilt in me.
“I pushed us away and never thought of her as someone significant in my life, I considered her as nothing but a person I needed to take my revenge on.” I continued, placing the blame on me.
Though it was not my fault, she betrayed me but-
“I never tried to know what lay behind that sapphire gaze. I always left her in her misery and then took her back to square one.” I whispered, holding my chest as a display of anguish.
What's the point of consoling her behind her back?!
‘She needs me!’
“Why was all this pain given to her? She did this because Marianne didn’t want to marry, she did this because her Father forced her. What was her fault?” I leaned back as my lips began to quiver.
Is she that bad that no one came to her aid and pushed her to me?
Where was her Father?
Her elder sister?
Or that admirer of her?
When she agreed to marry me even if she didn't want to yet no one came to help.
“Are both of us nothing but... victims?”
I trailed off when my eyes widened in appall, staring down at my hand in disbelief.
These thoughts stirred my mind as I lost my ability to think. I couldn't think straight.
‘Should I give ourselves.. A chance?’
I looked at the time, it's six. She'll call me to ask what I want to eat, it seems like she took my words too seriously. I sighed and speak of the devil, she called.
"Hello?" I answered the call.
"Hello, what do you want for dinner?" She asked quickly.
"Be ready. I'll take you out for dinner tonight." I said. What's wrong with me?
"Why?" She asked.
"Because I said so." I said and cut the call.
I went home and saw her leaning on the column like always. I looked at her, she looked pretty. No lavish clothes but still attractive.
“Oh, you are finally home, hmm?”
She wore a black frock with an off shoulder green top. She applied a little makeup and looked lovely.
‘So beautiful…’
I scanned her for about a second and passed her a faint smile. Her everything seemed flawless, except her eyes which were devoid as usual.
"Welcome home. May I know the reason for this dinner?" She asked, walking towards me. I stared at her and remained silent.
"I am not talking to the walls, Mr Knight." And she brought me back to reality by snapping her fingers as I turned my head away.
“What?” I put my office bag on the table and looked at her and said monotonously,
"It is just for dinner. Nothing more, nothing less." To you, to me it means a lot.
She tugged a strand of her hairs behind her ears and said.
"No, just asking because I have no intention of going to a party or dinner with your friends just to humiliate myself."
Her words pricked my heart as I said apologetically.
"Look Rebecca, I am sorry that I shouldn't have done that."
She let out an empty laugh and wrapped her arms around her sides and said in a sad yet mocking tone.
"How easy it would be, Mr Knight, if one apology can fix everything."
"How about a lifetime to repent for the mistake?" I asked.
She looked at me with a hint of shock. She looked at me for a second and averted her gaze from mine.
"Some mistakes are irredeemable."