I felt a tap on my shoulder which brought me out of my reverie. I looked around only to see my younger brother's gaze on me, as I kept breathing in and out. I felt my heart do a backflip at the sudden realization that I imagined such a scene.
"Brother Michael, are you okay?", Mark, my brother asked with concern written over his face.
I take in a deep breath before slowly calming down.
" I am okay, something just came into my mind, that's all", I replied, putting on a fake smile.
"Oh! Maybe you should rest. You have been preparing too much for your POST UTME examination", he said and I nodded, smiling at his caring nature.
Mark left the dressing room in my dad's pharmacy, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I kept pacing around the room as I tried to reason why I had such a creepy imagination of Ethan kissing me. My stomach rumbled, as I felt empty, my eyes staring at the mirror in front of me. I can't believe I have been battling with these same-sex feelings but it keeps fueling up like a fire without control.
I cannot decipher why I could not get over the attraction I had for Ethan. Images of the time we spent together kept appearing in my head, like a photoshoot. I missed him so much and it hurts that I had such a feeling, an abnormal one that can't be publicized.
I closed my eyes taking in every moment I spent with Ethan. I opened my eyes looking at my reflection in the mirror, as I slowly traced my right hand from my eyes down to my lips. Realization struck me gripping my whole body that Ethan must have been attracted to me because of my lips.
My mind flashed back to the event that occurred while we were in SSS2 THIRD TERM when he attempted to kiss me. After we reconciled and talked together, his gaze is always on my lips most of the time. Another recent one was when he asked for a hug and kiss. What if my imagination is telling me something.
I mentally slapped myself when I realized that most of my imaginations never come true, maybe 20% come to pass. But what about my thoughts, my suspicion, and my conclusion about this? What if my imagination turns out to come to pass? What if Ethan is truly attracted to me.
I felt my heart almost rippling out of its place, tears welling in my eyes. I have to be brave and disciplined at all times, primarily in controlling my feelings. This is just a passing phase of my teenager dom", I reassured myself. Once I passed my bloom of youth( when sexual desires are high), everything about my same-sex attractions will be gone.
I still needed someone to confide in, but the question now is ' Will confessing my feeling to Ethan help me overcome my attraction for him? Will he laugh at my confession? What if he tells my other classmates of mine about it? The last question especially brought a racing moment to my heart. I reassured myself, confident he wouldn't tell anyone about it.
I cleaned my face with a handkerchief, straightening my eyebrows with a small comb. Breathing in and out, I stepped out of the dressing room finding my way out of the Pharmacy.
I have informed my dad earlier about visiting one of my friends which he had agreed to. Every step I took towards Ethan's house brought a lot of things to mind, as fear kept knocking by. I would just confess to him anyways, I just needed someone to talk to about my feelings, I kept telling myself, which left a bitter taste at the back of my tongue.
I prayed silently in my heart, hoping this was the best decision, as I knocked on the gate. The gate was opened within a few seconds which was accompanied by a warm smile from Ethan.
'Hey, welcome", he said ushering me inside his compound which has a bungalow painted in white and cream color.
" Thanks. How have you been doing?" I asked, trying to hide my nervousness.
"Well, fine I guess. I have been running around with my admission processes. I will be doing my POST UTME in three days", he explained. That explains why he kept zoning in and out of his social media.
" Oh, all the best. I hope I am not disturbing your reading time", I said and he chuckled.
"No, let us take a walk down the streets. No one is at home, and seeing you just makes me want to have some free time", he said and I smiled
" Sure, we can visit Mr. Williams's house. I learned his house is not far from here", I said
"Yep, just a few minutes trek", he replied as he left to lock the door before we proceeded out of his house.
We both left his house as we made our way to Mr. William's house, our former English teacher. I finally took note of Ethans dressing as he was putting on a blue round neck with a black short which exposed the hairs on his legs. I felt good talking to him, that I forgot the main reason why I came here.
As we walked, we talked about the teachers we like and dislike. I could not help but laugh at how Ethan disliked my most favorite teacher claiming she always acts crazy sometimes.
" You know, she was pregnant at that time, maybe mood swings. You do not have to dislike her for snapping at you for your sassy behavior", I said trying to defend one of my favorite teachers, who teaches Geography and happens to be a disciplinarian.
"You win, but that won't stop me from still disliking her", he replied as I snickered.
We got to Mr. William's house, which was self-contained, colored in blue, a typical single man home. He welcomed us and asked about our admission stuff.
" Michael, I learned you want to study Pharmacy. That means you will take over your dad's Pharmacy in the future", he said as I smiled.
" I do not know for sure. I might start from somewhere. Everything depends solely on my dad", I replied and he gave me a thumbs up.
"That is good. I am coming over to get some drugs for my mum later on. I hope I will get a discount", he said
" Sure thing sir, anytime", I replied
I was beginning to feel Ethan was the third wheel here as he has not said much since we came here.
"You came with sassy Ethan. You are the visitor here, he always sees me almost every day", Mr. Williams enunciated, as Ethan and I both shared a laugh.
" Urm, sir. I also want to inform you that I am currently writing a book 'Teens life'", I said.
"Wow, that is good. Once you are through, you can send it to me either through soft or hard copy", Mr. William replied and I smiled.
After chit-chatting for a while, Ethan and I said our goodbyes to r William.
" You seem to be close to Mr. William", I said
"Sure, we talk a lot. He is my second adviser and you are my first adviser", he stated, pointing at me, as I smiled warmly.
" You did not inform me about your book", he questioned.
"Do not mind me, we rarely chat on Facebook. I just thought Mr. William can help me with editing and crosschecking. I will send the soft copy to you once I am through", I started and he smiled.
We both kept talking with curiosity laundering around our teen hearts on how university life might turn out to be. We finally reached the junction that separated his street from that of my dad's pharmacy.
" Urm, I want to tell you something", I said, trying not to quiver.
"Sure. I am all ears", he said with a warm smile over his face.
My heart raced as I looked at him, ready to confess.
" Oh God, please help me", I prayed silently